Something I Need To Leave Behind...It has taken me a long time to think about writing this. For a long time, this has been a big issue in my life...and something I haven't spoken about. I am not one for new years resolutions, or thinking that a new day with a different date is going to magically change my World. For some reason, now feels like the time to write this out...leave it behind me and let it go.
I fell in love with a guy. A guy I thought was amazing.....funny, charming, witty, caring....all the things you would expect....and pretty easy on the eye. He seemed pretty perfect, and I was happy to go along with that. We got pretty serious pretty fast, and I ended up moving in with him a few months into the relationship. Once I had taken this step...I thought everything was going to click into place. Instead...everything flipped and became my worst nightmare.
He changed....either that or I was blind to the warning signs. He became possessive, dominating, disapproving...he didn't like my friends, he didn't want me to go out. He dictated what he was happy with me wearing, he wanted my hair a certain way. Call me weak, pathetic....whatever, but I stuck it out. I know I am stupid, and I can't be called anything worse than I have thought about myself.
It wasn't long after this that things started to happen. An argument would escalate....I would end up with a black eye. A one off he told me....wouldn't be repeated....he was sorry...it wouldn't happen again. Until the time he burned me with a cigarette....or cut off my hair because I styled it in a way he didn't like.
The arguments got more frequent but I wouldn't even argue back...then I was obviously not interested in our relationship.....so another excuse for violence. The hitting got really bad....and then came the point of no return. You expect sexual assault to be something you hear about not something that happens to you. Unfortunately, it happens....and it did happen in this case. I have written about it before.....but at the time I didn't put my name to it....it is too horrific for words and something I always feel that I will be judged on for allowing it to happen.
Things came to a stop one day......when I happened to see some friends, and at the time I had a fractured jaw. Asking what happened....I couldn't pretend anymore. They were understanding....and after they paid him a visit he understood well what it felt like to be me.
This person has tormented my life for a long time since our relationship ended, resulting in a concussion on my part last week. He is now in prison....facing trial for the things he has done. I can't say I am sorry. I hope he gets what he deserves.
I don't condone hitting anyone....and I think it works both ways. People should treat each other the way they want to be treated, and I am sure he would never want to be treated the way he treated me. There are better ways to solve issues than violence....having been there, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.