The Legacy of a Brute Lives On

i come from a family where our father hit our mother. His brutality affected each and everyone of his children one way or another. His legacy of brutality lives on.

thehippy thehippy
41-45, F
11 Responses Mar 28, 2009

very true penny...well said.

satman, I share your concern!! There are sooo many reasons why I've always been against this war, and this is not the least of them. The thought of innocent families suffering as a result of an unnecessary war is just so senseless to me!! I don't have a serviceman or woman in my family now, but I was raised ,all my life, as the daughter of a serviceman, and therefore have seen many returning servicepersons,not to mention their families, living through hell (after having lived through hell for their country). Every one of us should go down on our knees and thank God for brave, often ruined, soldiers that have volunteered to fight our nation's battles, whether the cause is honorable or not...their sacrifice, and that of their families, is always honorable!!!<br />
<br />
Penny Webb

satman you are a deep thinker...thats good to see. I am sorry that you too had to experience a brute but we dont get to choose our parents unfortunately!.

my childhood was prety much the same . my father was violent period , he would fight anyone , it was not cowardice as it is with many men , he was feared by many , i have seen him tackle a few guys at a time , i always thought it was due to him fighting in two wars , i think many become in different to violence once they have killed , it scares me when i think about all those lads come back from afghan and iraq , whats in store for all those families and the damage that will be inflicted on them

but then my dad could have been using divide and rule methods! and i as selected as one he would treat well!...because some of the things i see him do to my brothers and sisters...i couldnt have coped with that...and i think he knew that. I remember him sayiong to me that i would get him locked up. I mentioned this to my sister yesterday and we all have different ways of reading this comment i took it that he knew if he laid his hands on me i would go to the sister recons that he meant it and that he would be taken to his own limits....what a worrying thought.

As I said, a testament!<br />
<br />
Penny Webb :-)

penny it didnt kill all the love in me but it has stopped me from loving completely as i think if i cant trust my father why would i think i could trust someone else..<br />
the only person i trust is me! and sometimes i cant even trust myself!. I am probably so caring because of this brutality i decided that i wouldnt put up with a brute and i wouldnt watch someone else suffer without doing as much as i could to get them out! it probably accounts for my sense of justice and my humanity to man in general. So i guess maybe his bad ways have resulted in some good...but i dont think that was my choice its just the way it affected me. <br />
omg analyzer i can tell you now if any outsider had laid one finger on me i would have broke that finger...for sure. hitting you in the face with a shoe...see my dad although he was a brute put his hands on me just once...but i can assure you he would never ever have allowed a woman he was seeing or married to lay a finger on any one of us..he couldnt control his temper but he didnt like seeing injustice either. I think a lot of the problem with my dad was he could snap and my mother just didnt know when to stop. I did...i could tell when he is going to blow...its a bit like how i blow...the difference is i dont use my hands but i think i am possibley just as scary to some!. But this side only comes out when i am protecting my son!..then i can be fierce. You dont have to consider yourself an enabler as a child...thats not fair to say that...when your a child you learn how to handle situations in order to survive least thats how it felt to me. I am not saying my mother was wrong..but when you know someone is a particular way and you cant handle that side of them..then you find methods of coping with them. That doesnt mean you enable them in fact i think it means you have learnt how to disarm them. Like i said my dad hit me once and i deserved it...

I feel for you, thehippy. I have been abused by a man. Thank God, fate intervened to get me out, cuz I was so abused and brainwashed, I thought I loved him!! I would pray to God, "please help me stop loving him". As if you can love someone who beats you for no reason. It's a testament to your strength of character that you have overcome so much, and are still a caring person. That kind of thing can kill every ounce of love in you.<br />
<br />
Penny Webb

i knew that this wasnt going on in everyones home i honestly thought we were the only ones where it was happening. I had been to many friends houses often spending most of my days and nights there rather than be home...and i never witnessed any thing remotely like this. Everyone we grew up with says how scared of and how strict and brutal our father was. He was not the norm. He was also 6ft 3 and solidly built. We have seen our father in a fit of temper lift a car and pull it into the centre of the road because someone had dared to park in his parking place. Dont get me wrong he wasnt always like this but when he blew it was a total loss of control. I kind of felt sorry for him in a way, i think i knew he couldnt help himself...and i also know when he had calmed down that he was sorry...but the fear some of us felt...because of his temper and violence for some of us will never go away.

yes i agree people do not have to repeat the cycle of abuse, but my father didnt just hit us. He beat us with a buckle end of a belt held us upside down by one foot and beat us. Gave my sister a black eye. Intimidated all of us. My sister rebelled against him and mixed with the wrong crowd...but they were not as bad as my dad!. She lost her life as a result of it and my brother was possibley killed by my father he admitted something to me on his death bed...and i live with that knowledge. Its not just about the physical abuse its the mental abuse that is worse i would say. <br />
A spank i could of handled a beating is a completely different story and if my mother tried to stop him she would get it too!. We were all put in a room when we was young by our father he took out a cut throat razor and told our mother if she didnt come inside he would slit all our throats..thats far from a spanking. <br />
The legacy lives on in our minds it has affected and scarred us for life. No none of us hit our children as a result of what he taught us.

the legacy is not that simple...stress can trigger many illnesses. My sister is dead she killed herself it was easier to die for her than to live. My brother has cancer which i believe he possibley wouldnt have got if we werent constantly under a state of stress and can chemically change your body although i cannot prove this. Each one of us have stress related issues as a result of the brutality we witnessed as children and young adults. <br />
I have never hit my son...but i would be lying if i said i didnt have anger management issues. as do we all.