Too Young And Confused

I'm only a senior in high school, but I've had too many experiences with domestic violence. Ever since I was real little I watched my dad beat the hell out of my mom. One experience that sticks with me is a family vacation we all took when I was in about 4th grade. We all went out to dinner, went into an outdoor hot tub, went back to the room and got showers. As me and my brother (who was in 6th grade at the time) got into bed, my dad shut the lights out and beat my mom until she could not move. My brother and I had to look for help. Eventually two years later my mom finally left the bastard, but when me and my brother would begin visiting him he started to hit us too. This being said I no longer talk to my dad all that often. Well anyway, my ex boyfriend (notice ex) came home this past christmas break from college and we got in a fight. One thing led to another and before I knew it he picked me up and threw me on the floor hitting my head and eye, leg, elbow, wrist, and arm. I was so humiliated I couldn't even fight back. I just recently told my mom what happened and she cried for hours. A girl who is friends with my ex went around saying I made it up. It's what I've  been dealing with recently and it's really taken a toll on me. I see a therapist and am on anti depressants. I hope there's someone who can relate to me.

jmw155 jmw155
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 18, 2010

Hi, my name is Alex. I am by no means qualified on the subject but here i go.<br />
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I'm very sorry this has happened to you and i believe that a child of any age should not be exposed to such trauma, and makes me sick to hear of it. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist, as having someone to talk to can be vastly helpful for any hard time, and hope that you think so as well. I have seen a family therapist when i was younger for brief periods of time with my mother and brothers for traumatic experiences that have happened with my father. He was an addict and had bouts of domestic violence. Fathers, huh? But anyways i feel you may be harboring some feelings of hate towards men for what your father did to your mother and this could be causing relationship problems with men, and a subsequent feeling that you could later be attracting hitters(this may never happen but i won't hide the fact it may be likely(someone correct me if im wrong?)) Also be careful not to either forget/supress your feelings about your father, as i dont believe thats the way to deal with it, but also not let them control your life negatively. (It's good to think of positive experiences you've had with your father). I myself wish i had a sense of pride thinking of my father like some other ppl do, but i work around it, and make other areas of my life stronger(e.g. having a strong passion for sports/learning). This is my first ever comment here so i apologize if it's fragmented or doesnt really pertain to you(as i cant exactly relate).