iv just came out of a very abusive relationship after 3 yrs.im so confused and hurt, iv bein beaten so bad so many times i lost count.i ask myself why did i stay 100 times.the control the gamblin, i was beaten 2 wks ago in front of his 15 yr old son,i was very upset and hurt. the things he said stick in my head. i am a very lovin carin person,So many lies, iv heard, with all of what i took he then beat and leave me for his ex.But no i wouldnt dream of goin bk with him, id rather die.i took a man bk abusive, but another woman is a  no for me.Please god guide me to get strong for me and my lovely kids thank you all for reading.

whiteangle whiteangle
36-40, F
27 Responses Mar 13, 2010

be strong, the beatings will get worse, you deserve better, a man should never lay a hand on a woman except in a loving way, a man who hits and beats a woman is a coward!!! trash, scum dirt, not worthy of a woman like you!!

Whiteangle, hey girl. I wanna thank u for ur openess. I also survived an abusive relationship that lasted 5 years. It started with the emotional abuse first and that of course leads the way. Im happy to say that it has been a long while but im free of it. It did however effect my relationships after that becuz it takes a while to rid ur brain of the mess that was downloaded in it but i gathered strength from it and now use my own experience from how i mentally rebuild myself to help other women that struggled witht he same things. I think u may be perfect for our coaching here at ButterFlyy Coaching, im all about helping women move forward by learning to let go of the past. Let me know if ur interested, it has helped alot of women in ur situation. My prayers r with u. :-)


Ok, first of all, there is no man that shall take advantage of a stronger physique to touch you, and if he does, then its not a man, I am sorry but my mom raised me on the old fashioned way and she taught me that you don't touch a woman unless you are, well a COWARD, I encourage you to have a little dialogue with yourself and evaluate what brought you to attract that kind of person to your life. Remember, sometimes we do trend to attract the same pattern of people, is it the "bad guy" stupid thing, is it the "I think I can change him", is it the "subconscious saying this is what I get", talk to yourself! and break with that pattern, do not fall under the assumption that ALL men are all alike, they will if you attract the same pattern, but YOU have the power to change it, and as soon as you convince yourself, bring your chest up and say "I deserve immensely better than this" the pattern will start changing, don't get into the same mistakes that some women fall thinking that the ones who beats them is the one who brings "excitement" to their lives, instead of excitement, the only thing that those parasite bring is a big crisis of self-esteem and other mental disorders. Trust me, I do psychotherapy, and no, I am not selling you anything, this is just an advice since I can't help to feel disturbed when a man abuses of someone that has accepted her role as "victim". NO NO NO! good news? you already have the strength, guide it through the right channel and you will break with that negative pattern. Best of lucks and don't ever let anyone to put a hand on you, and of course, needless to say, don't do the same either.

Do you have best friend? Why don't They help to you?

First let me say that all men are not like that, just a few of the wimpy one's that cant be a man so the try to prove themselve's by beating on a woman. My wife was in just such a situation for eight year's before we met. He convinced her that it was all her fault and that nobody else would want her. We have been married for fifteen year's. It took a year for me to start getting it into her mind that it was not her but the sissy she was with. One day she showed up at my door beat up and that ended it with meand I went to his house. I got nothing less then I expected and he backed down real fast when he had to face a person who could defend themself.<br />
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She left him and we started to date and then married. I gave her the time she needed to heal and is now a very strong person that take's no lip from anybody including me : ). Take the time you need to heal, realize it was not you but the wimp. The right person is out there for you and when you least expect him, he will be there. I am sorry that you went through this and again say that we are not all like the sissy you were with. I wish you the best.

May I also recommend that you take some type of self defense class. They will help rebuild your self worth and your confidence while also giving you tools to defend yourself from this ever happening again.<br />
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Not to mention, you'll make some new friends that won't stand for that type of treatment for one of their family. When you learn how to defend yourself with others, there is a bond that forms that is similar to a family bond. They will help you. Pretty much anything other than Taekwondo would be good.<br />
<br />
Keep your chin up, your value is immeasurable.

that is a really sad tale you tell<br />
men have no empathy<br />
just seem to wallow in hurt<br />
or hear but do not listen<br />
<br />
and would love to see you dance<br />
your movement seems so graceful<br />
noone should have to put up with<br />
what you did, must have been hell<br />
<br />
and your better off rid, but its<br />
his loss I can feel it, only you who gains<br />
so please keep on dancing<br />
<br />
peace x

i applaud you for leaving this man. hold your head up high and with pride, even through the pain. you did the right thing and the best thing for you by getting away from that monster. i hope your message inspires many other women to escape and move on to better lives.

I’ve read your story, Whiteangle. You got so much support from people on EP and I hope it will help you to pass through this hard period. As my best EP friend told me: the more we struggle in our lives the stronger we become in future. It’s terrible how hard your life was in the past but you are right you need to be stronger for your kids and for yourself. If you need support from a person who is struggling with dark period too, you may write to me.

My heart goes out to U ..I really understand ur story sadly! and send u my strength and prayers n support! A healing heart in time, will shine! in time! hug n lov! Angels are here to hold UR heart!UR never alone or Ur children.........u will find compassion here and someday a special someone is waiting for u..that deserves u and ur kid's..and joy will be lived in ur hearts..read ur bible comfort for ur soul..sing..dance..get sunshine...pm us...hugs

Its makes me so angry inside when i read all yer pain..This just isnt good enough..how awfull we have being treated like we are garbage.How dear these abusers take away our smiles,our dreams..WE MUST STICK TOGETHER AND FIGHT.

@whiteangel and marji <br />
thanks for the concern and the hug ..u r an inspiration to me right now and hope is all have and m really clinging on to that when u girls tell me ur story .u have no idea how valuable each word is to me right now ,i am really really in huge mess ..what ever marji wrote feels like practicaly is my story ..after 3.5 yrs i feel nothing but worthless and i completely fail to understand why i beg him and say sorry for every fault of his ,y i always try to make things alright even after being beaten so badly .i am made to believe that i am hopeless and will find no support or love outside and as he always very fondly tells me after every horrible episode of abuse ..that i deserve only this .<br />
i really dnt knw wht to do cause i feel this confusion and numbness all the time .<br />
thanku so much for letting me talk to u guys .big hugs xoxo

I am happy to hear that you have been getting the right help and the law has been involved. Do not tell yourself that you are weak - as you are strong for leaving that bad situation. You will lose weight, the emotional abuse will linger longer than any bruise or broken bone, you will need counselling (as well as the children), and you will need to keep a good support system. I was just where you were five years ago. It will not be easy, but it will be SAFER! May our Heavenly Father guide your every step.. (HUGS)

oh how sad i feel for you right now.Plz believe me it is one of the hardest things for me to do..your just not ready ,but you will 1 day.im small grl, if you could see the weight i lost fom stress.I really in my heart believe you can do it....i prey for yu...................big hugs.

i wish i had the same courage ..i still am in highly physical mental abusive relationship and i just cant make myself get out of it .i wish i had ur guts .<br />
i am so happy for you .

That is the most lovely mess i ever got,and i thank you for that.Yes everyday i growing bk to the girl i was,and wont be taken down.As we speak that man is arrested.WHAT A FEELING.i am me,i am a person, shame he didint see that.Hugs to you.....................HAPPY PADDYS DAY TO YOU FROM IRELAND.X

Thank you so much, for very warm words and prayer.I will ask god for strenght for my family ..hugs

I praise you in every effort you have made so far! Getting out, is the biggest step you could have ever made for yourself and especially your children. Well done! :) I am so proud of you!<br />
<br />
As this is probably the beginning of your journey, you will of course experience up's and down's and it may not be an easy road ahead, but it will be so much worth it at the end..believe me, I've been down that same road and I did make it..though it wasn't easy all the way BUT it does take time and of course the STRENGTH to keep going BUT you will get there, only because I see it in you to do so. <br />
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There are support persons and agencies out there that help ones in your situation, such as (I'm not sure what's available where you are, as I'm in New Zealand)<br />
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Family & Friends <br />
Women's Shelter <br />
Law Enforcements<br />
Counseling agencies<br />
Support Groups<br />
<br />
to name a few..<br />
Then you may want to start a personal journal if it will make you feel better. I have one where I used to write down things that were going through my head when I was feeling emotionally rip with sadness and grief as well as anger and bitterness. I look back at it once in awhile and am so surprised of how I made it through. I can't believe what I actually went through to make my life so much happier, but it was well worth it :)..I praise all the kind and caring people that helped my children and I get through this..God Bless them all..and best of all I praise our Heavenly Father above for hearing my prayers..:)<br />
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I would like to share my love with you and your beautiful children and I will pray for you all that your journey will be a pleasant and very safe one. Be strong within yourself, if not for you, then be it your children..All the best to you dearest whiteangle..I will pray for you. Stay safe and well x0x<br />
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God please give whiteangle and her family strength and encouragement and shower her with your goodness and grace. Lay your hand upon her each and everyday and keep her blessed in your presence forever and ever...Amen!

Thank you so much,it was very comforting to read that ther is hope...i also want to say well done to you for staying strong......hugs.....plz god in time i can find me again.I HAVE BEING GETTING THE RIGHT HELP..AND THE MATTER IS NOW BEING TAKEN CARE BY THE LAW.FNGERS X..FOR JUSTICE.

My dearest whiteanle,<br />
You have started a new beginning and you will find that strength you once had. The first step is to reach out to someone for help. Your local domestic violence hotline is a wonderful place to start. They can help you make a plan or just listen, help with legal advice. Healing is a long process. when you live with someone like this part of their control is to break you down and make you lose all sense of self. there many good books on the subject- 1 that was an eyeopener for me is titled "men that hate women and the women that love them". It describe the controlling abusive man to a T. I was with my husband for 25 yrs married for 20 of those yrs. In the beginning it was a whirlwind of excitement getting to know each other and after I was hooked the control began without me even realizing it. He had insecurities and a temper and slowly didn't like this friend or that friend until you are isolated. 2 kids later and 25 yrs and he woke up and realized what i had put up with for all these yrs. but then convinced himself i had an affair cause i couldn't be that good. 2 yrs of trying to convince him i hadn't had an affair i got fed up and 1 nite he went off the deep end and beat me up. he went to jail that nite and went to mandatory batterers class and probation for 1 yr. it has been a yr but i am just now starting to heal. i'm still very angry or just now letting it out. You deserve to live a life free from fear,harrassmen,put downs constant walking on eggshells. your kids deserve a life free of all that too. Take a deep breath, breathe in the freedom and peace. paint your nails, buy yourself some flowers. do whatever you damn well please!! reach out for help.

thank you so much,its for my kids i get stronger and thank god everyday that im still here to see there lovely smiles..i know i will get better every day..Most victims get help and can move on.sadly the abuser rolls on to the nxt victim..

Dear Goddess, I am so glad that you are here,,,there are some wonderfull people here that can help you see how valuable you are,,,,and I am here if you ever need someone to listen,,,well I am glad that you and your children are away from all that anger,,,Love and Light Mary

thank you, i think about that..1 day everyday new day.

If it helps to write, write, you don't have to read the comments you don't have to meassage anyone back but if it helps to put your feelings down and look at it then keep on going God Bless goahead

its hard.I was a very strong once.i cant turn to family i hid im with him, lost my friends.there is so much just cant talk about it..im trying to be proud realy its early days.

Honey, you've taken the first step, and gotten out. Now it's just a matter of letting yourself heal, and become strong. Abuse takes so much out of a person, mentally, I mean. Lean on your friends and family, and your faith to build you back up. Now is not the time to think about "why" you stayed...it's the time to be proud of yourself for getting out.