"clean Again" Heroin Addict's Girlfriend

I don’t know what to do. I can’t send one more message and still not get a response. I cant keep living with this heavy heart, weighed down by worry. I cant sit here and just decide to believe you’re okay. I’m not blind. You’re an addict, who’s living with a user.

And last night, you were different again. And it scared me. Again. It could be that you were just worried about you best friend and his continuation of this relapse. Or it could be that you’re still using too.

And so here I am, left to do what? Trust you? As much as I wish I still could, that’s just not an option. Do I stay? I love you, and I really don’t want to leave, but this is so hard, and I can’t keep go on with this much worrying every day. But I don’t want to be another person that gave up on you either.

I guess I just don’t see the commitment you promised me you would give to sobriety. And I’m constantly on the lookout for more of the lies, you just telling me what I want to hear, associated with addict behavior. When was the last time you went to a meeting? Or reached out to anyone?

Wanting to be able to disappear, staying so detached from the people around you doesn’t seem like the solution to your issues.

I don’t even know if you relapsed. All I know is, this isn’t working. Do I stay any longer?
Kate1994 Kate1994
18-21, F
5 Responses Nov 27, 2012

Hey there. I just read your story and I can imagine what you might be going through as I have been an addict to. I used H for like 3 years in between I got my detox done a couple of times went to rehab tried going cold turkey. And finally two weeks ago I had some really major heart breaking and shattering experiences so I decided to STOP!! I was a great sportsman I played for my country represented the U_19 cricket team 4 years back but then boom Heroin came and life got fked up and everything shattered. Well cut short the thing is as I mentioned earlier two weeks ago I stopped using but today I don't know why I had this unnecessary urge to do it just ONCE!! And here i am with a black fking cig in my mouth tears in my eyes as I write this, because I know every time I said to myself just one last time. I was back again!! And I'm smoking H again today like after 2 weeks I felt so strong had a healthy diet. But my fking friend(so called-. -) bought a few cigs for me again. I JUST WISH THAT AFTER THIS I DONT DO IT AGAIN!! I CANT DESTROY MY LIFE AGAIN!! I'VE WASTED SO MANY YEARS. Please if someone out there can hear me or feel my pain. Please respond as I'm smoking my last cig now after 2 weeks sobriety I WISHHHH I DON'T GO BACK AGAIN!!!! Thankyou TC God Bless.

an addict has a difficult time having a relationship with himself, and certainly can't commit to a romantic relationship. No addict want to be an addict. But they can't hold on a relationship until they are clean for a long time and have learned to love themselves again before they can really show love for someone other then their 1st love which is their drug of choice. The addict needs to be the one who wants to recover. They can't do it for others. It's a very hard life for a straight person to understand so we tend to take offense to everything they do and that does not help the user or the person who cares for the user....

Join www.facebook.com/groups/HeroinSupport or www.facebook.com/HeroinKillsYou

It's so devastating to read the stories of other girlfriends of heroin addicts. I'm just waiting for things to fall apart but I don't want to give up at the same time. I love my boyfriend so much but there is only so much I can take. He has been clean 7 days but now we return to where all the drugs are and I'm terrified. Suboxone seems to be helpful but I honestly think inpatient or moving is the best option at this point.

yeah, we've found that moving has been super helpful!

Hello Kate1994. I'm Shortymew. You responded to my story and I thank you.

I read your pain filled post and, while I can't put myself in your shoes since I've caused everybody that's ever cared about me the kind of pain you are feeling, I do want to offer help in trying to shed some understanding of the addiction side of this situation.

Please feel free to ask me anything, about heroin addiction, that you want to.

For instance, have you guys considered going the Suboxone rout? It is the only thing in 38 years that has worked for me. Granted, it is addictive too but if used as prescribed it works.

You have to find a Dr. that is licensed to prescribe Suboxone. Go to Heretohelp.com and they can find you a Dr. in your area.

That is just one suggestion, I will be glad to answer any and all your questions.

Keep in mind what's driving his addiction - the pain from his abuse - the key to his ultimate
survival is going to be getting to the bottom of that with a very good therapist.

Please don't forget your own needs in all of this and having said that, don't give up on him.
It would be devastating to you both.

We are all part of this fellowship of suffering and, because of that I really care about you guys.

Take care, Shortymew