Can't See What Others See...

I've always struggled with my appearance ever since I was a teenager. I had the typical awkward phase of my teenage years, but magnified. Very bad skin, lanky, gawky and generally very shy. Unfortunately, whereas most people grow out of that phase and become comfortable with themselves as they enter adulthood, these feelings seem to have remained with me to this day. It's not overwhelming body dysmorphia or something like that, but I still don't feel comfortable with my appearance. Ordinarily, it wouldn't figure too much into my day to day thoughts, but now that my impending wedding is getting closer and closer, all I can think of is how much I'm going to cringe at the photos (which we are spending a lot of money on) when I see how I look in them. That thought actually worries me more than anything else on that day. I know what many people will say: just be happy and smile and don't worry about what you look like. I know I WILL be happy and I WILL smile, but it still doesn't change the fact that I still won't like how I look and feel. It's like we're paying all of this money for a professional photographer and I'm going to hate the pictures I take. I've always hated pictures of me. I hate how I look. I hate that my tooth is crooked. I hate that I can't smile naturally and always look so awkward and uncomfortable. I hate my glasses and bushy eyebrows. I hate how my hair looks, etc, etc, etc.

I know, I know. All things easily fixed. Maybe they are, but I still feel that I'm going to feel so self-conscious the day of whenever some snaps our picture. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I've just been in an unusually self-conscious mood lately and this one thought has been festering more than any other.

Tuva Tuva
31-35, M
4 Responses Mar 7, 2010

True, true. And if all else fails, there is always Photoshop, right? I KNEW we were spending the bulk of our wedding money on a high-quality photographer. ;)

Maybe you'll be having a good day that day and think you are a "darn good looking geek" or whatever that group was callled... :P

Yeah, I realized that I may not even think about it the day of, but I know some things I want to "work" on, based on my engagement photos. Maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion, but I guess it's par for the course for me. :P

Maybe you will be so busy and happy on the day that you won't stress over it as much? who knows. But at least take comfort in the fact that your woman loves you for you and loves the way you look.