Im Posting This Story Here Because Thats What I Assume Will Happen

judgmental ******** will comment and say something i wont like but i dont really feel anything right now. just wanted to do something different for once. this is my biggest secret.

ive confessed alot on here, and have admitted to being abused but i always left out a major detail because i was ashamed. i was molested when i was nine, by a girl who was also nine. i always felt no one would believe me, a nine year old molesting a nine year old, and i should have known they had no power, and the part i was even more ashamed of was that it was a girl. i always tried to stay away from her, but i was too afraid, she threatened me, and manipulated me. if i told her she couldnt come over, shed go to my mom at foot ball games when i wasnt around and would ask if she could stay over, and if i stopped it from happening, shed tell my family and everyone at school that i was dirty and that i did stuff to her. i wasnt popular, so i knew no one would believe me, no one liked me. im disgusted by lesbians, or more of the idea of them having sex. i grew up with her even after the abuse she would talk to me, once in middle school she invaded my tent at a track meet we where both in. she just invited herself in and threw food everywhere when i kicked her out. i never told anyone, and i couldnt. when it was my last day of high school, we both had a class together with about 50% of the class where her friends, and she asked me in front of everyone to sign her year book, i felt over the years anytime shed talk to me, or sit near me or behind me and try and "be friends" she did it as a power trip. i knew when she asked me to sign her year book she was getting a kick out of it, i really wanted to say in front of all the eyes watching "no, i dont want to, drop dead" but i did, i signed her year book "have a long life" when i was really thinking inside my head "if you ever are sent to prison, i hope you live a long time in shame." not that i wished she would do that again to someone. i was just wanting it over with. then a year later after graduating high school, my brother and his wife rented out their house to her, again no one knew she molested me, they thought she was just an old childhood friend. she lived there for a short time and left, then my mom and family forced me to move out and into my brothers house that she had lived in. she still had ALL her stuff in it that she didnt want. my parents think im a weirdo, cuz they kept trying to make me keep some of her things, i told them i didnt want any of her stuff. still after living here half a year, my parents still try and force me to take some of her stuff (yes, they took her stuff for themselves and now some of her things are in my old bed room at my parents), i hated this house when i moved in. she had kids and they put stickers everywhere on everything. there are staples in the walls still from when she put retarded posters up. finally i got all of her **** out of my house. the last thing left was a large 4'4ft mirror on the porch the "accidentally" shattered. i had to clean this house out of her stuff and still am reminded that im weird when i refuse to take her things off my parents hands. if i need a table, they try and make me take hers. growing up her older brother worked at this Mexican restaurant. they look like twins, and my mom would always have to twist my arm in eating there. id tell my mom i hated that place, and my mom always said "you always finish your plate when you eat there. you do to like it" but the truth was i just didnt want to see the face that looked so much like her. i hate her. shes still the exact same as when she abused me. i grew up with her for 12 years.

i know her better than anyone else ever will, and i wish i didnt.

dont judge me. im not weak, im not doing this to feel closure or vent, it really was to just get it over with. i always hid this secret from ep and everyone. i never admitted before it was a girl. that was the secret, it wasnt a boy that molested me when i was nine, it was a girl, and if i could, id make her feel just as bad as i did growing up. id want her to hurt like i hurt, i wouldnt physically hurt her, i just want her to feel trapped in her own shame.

if i ever had kids, id do my best to look at the signs, and its not just the adults that could hurt your kids, but even their own "friends"
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Aug 4, 2010