I Despise Children Like The Grinch.How else can I say it? I despise children. They impede on everything that I enjoy in life. They interrupt my thought process with banal uninteresting requests for attention ("wanna see my room?" or "guess what!?"). I find conversation with children to be extremely tedious and boring. My friends with kids will sometimes try to call me and have me "talk to the baby". Are you ******* serious? Look, it's not my ******* baby, I don't give a **** about it. How would you like it if I called you in the middle of the work day and asked you to talk to the guy I just ordered a sandwich from at Subway? Wouldn't be too excited to talk, would you? Now you are approaching an understanding of the extreme irrelevance talking to your baby holds for me.
Not only that, but people with children always need you to come to them. I suppose it's better, since I don't want some apple juiced breathed little **** running amok in my clean bachelor condo, but it is an inconvenience none the less. Your friends say "hey! Let's get dinner!" You respond with "awesome, how about sushi?". But oh no, it isn't sushi you'll be having. "Well actually, maybe you could just come over here and we'll make dinner since we have to put the baby to bed at 9".
Oh yes, just what I would love to do, spend my friday night in your ******* house, which looks like a Toys R Us after an earthquake. That dinner sounds like it will be infinitely more fun than sake bombing and drinking beer out on the town at a fantastic sushi restaurant. Yea. *******. Right.
I hate being asked to hold the kid, I don't like getting my picture taken with these kids, and I don't like having my adult conversations CONSTANTLY interrupted by somebody crying or being hurt in the other room. Or worse, crawling under the table and just making a general *** of itself.
I'll post more later, but you get the picture. I detest children.