Curiousity Killed The Relationship?

so, i just sort of needed to unleash this somewhere. just so i don't do something extremely stupid. my boyfriend of almost 10 years recently admitted how many times he's *actually* cheated. totally awesome, right? yeah so, i'm trying to conceal my true feelings.

rewind, so before this confession i had only known (i am ashamed to say this) of 3 other times prior. i had found out on FB, and about a week later this psychotic lover had phoned me threatening to kick my butt and such. i took him back like a moron because we had (or so i thought) something tangible that nobody could touch. even though at the time i didn't realize someone already had.

that was a year ago.

i don't find myself being furious anymore. just disgusted and embarrassed that the person i love would do that to me. and yet, somehow i forgave him? i just kept thinking, how many people has he really slept with? does this happen to many relationships? those are the things that keep ticking in my head. since the cheating, he's tried to get close to me again. make me believe i'm the only one, but deep down i feel nothing when he says this. i find myself not wanting to be intimate with him, and he can tell i try to force myself. he acts like it hurts him, but i wonder does it really? seems unlikely to me.

i went behind his back, and put a keylogger on the nice $500 laptop i bought. that he claims is his now, of course. he has been looking at weird BBW type of women, and just......weird crap on the local CL. now this makes the food in my stomach curdle. when i saw this flood of new info i started to laugh, but in an angry way. i wanted to do HORRIBLE acts. i started to day dream about taking one of the bricks from our garden, and smashing his skull in.

normally i am a reserved and calm girl. i am not a violent person in any way. however....i'm afraid if i do not leave this relationship more fuel will get added to the fire.

has ANYONE ever dealt with this in a longterm relationship? HOW did you leave?
laur3nkins laur3nkins
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 24, 2012

He appears to have a sexual addiction.

Would you agree ?