I dosed off early that day. I had had a long day and I had just gotten message from him saying hope your day went well. We were Long Distance, had problems but we were holding unto each other. Atleast I thought so. I woke up early very excited to catchup with my family who live a world away. I opened my phone and I found messages from a number I knew not. Someone was calling me names and I didn’t know why. I am one of those people who will be polite in any argument. I hate saying hateful things and will only go there when pushed. I replied politely asking who it was and what was going on. The attached messages showed me what my gut had been telling for about a year. You see, for the last year, I had walked around with the feeling that something was wrong. My heart had been in pain knowing that the person who held it might not deserve it afterall. We both put it down to my paranoia which when you have lived how I have, comes second nature.
What did the messages say? The one who held my heart held another’s too and was juggling them. At 1am on a Tuesday morning, that is the worst message you can wake up to. My being polite was just a simple state of we were all women being played by the same, for a lack of a better word, clown. My gut told me, I told you so and my heart froze. I forwarded the message to him but I knew there would be no reply. She got back to me politely this time at 4am. Time difference issues but I hadn’t been to sleep too because a part of me, inside me was dying slowly. The outer me was calm and collected. She gave me her version of events and I gave her my version of events. She told me she was crying but I wasn’t. Because you see, for the first time in a year, I could breathe. The pain was gone and I was numb.
I had done the breakdown a year ago when the whole drama had begun. I had cried, failed to breathe, gotten panic attacks, insomnia and I had survived it and kept the hope arrive. My brain told my body, you are not doing it again and it listened and went numb. I got up to do my work shift which started at 7am that day which meant I had to leave home at 6am. My trip to work or the events of that Tuesday, I don’t remember. All I remember is telling myself, I was going to be fine. I was strong, intelligent and amazing. I felt a sense of peace because I trusted my guardian angel who had wrapped his wings around me. My peace was simple. All I knew was I had to get through the day and get back to the safety of my flat. And thankfully, the day went by really quick. I got home at 5pm and I switched on my laptop; which he had bought for me. Actually, I bought it with his money when we had shared all of us. I watched Wrestling and imagined him being beaten by the Big Show and Mark Henry. He also received some action from Roman Reigns. By the time the 84 min episode was done, I felt better because I knew he would be bruised the next day not as bad as my heart but I was ok with the pain my imagination had impacted. Then she wanted to talk because you see, we had a common problem. In my head, he was nolonger a problem, he was in pain and I felt sorry for him but then my heart pumped a little and a squeeze hurt and I didn’t feel anything for him.
“Am sorry,” he texted. I told him, he can go be him but I was not in forgiving moods, I unfriended him, unfollowed him and blocked him. Got everything of his and anything that reminded me of him and donated it to charity save for the towels and duvet. I still need them till I can buy new ones. I deleted the pictures, videos and all conversations I ever heard with him. Then she said she had seen him and he was broken. I told her, any conversations about him were unwelcome. I was in rehab and my addiction that carried his name was going to be vanquished. I loved me and I needed me back. I wanted my smile back and I was going to do all I could to get it back.
It has almost been a week now and the struggle continues. Sometimes I receive a funny message or email or video and I have to stop myself from forwarding it to him because that was a ritual we shared.
My promise to me is not to ask the why and the hows. It is spilt milk and no matter what I do, it aint going back in the Jar. I come from a tribe of strong women and I am not going to let them down now.
After his wrestling match, I don't wish him any pain anymore. I wish him happiness just like I wish me some happiness. It will take a while but it will happen. Last I heard, she was staying with him because they were going to figure it out. I smirk en the logical me says good luck gal. My heart is in coma so it has no opinion.
For myself, it will get better is my new motto and Better in Time by Leona Lewis is on replay.
ANPatie ANPatie
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 22, 2014

My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted Dr. OKORO LOVE SPELL and after I explained my problem, In just 3 days my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier more than ever before Dr. OKORO you are the best spell caster. I really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work. Thank you once again Dr. OKORO. You can also contact Dr. OKORO via email address: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL.

Dr. OKORO NUMBER: +2348110496023
Contact Dr. OKORO Via email: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com

My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted Dr. OKORO LOVE SPELL and after I explained my problem, In just 3 days my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier more than ever before Dr. OKORO you are the best spell caster. I really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work. Thank you once again Dr. OKORO. You can also contact Dr. OKORO via email address: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL.

Dr. OKORO NUMBER: +2348110496023
Contact Dr. OKORO Via email: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com