Lie to Me.. I Am Getting Used to It.

I cannot begin to tell my story without rage, fear, hatred, love and sadness.  My emotions are running so all over the place we'll see if there's even anyone who can  understand. 

Many years ago (12) after leaving my ex-husband for cheating on me, I met a man quite by accident.  I fell instantly..  his smile captivated me and with one look, I was gone.  I was no dummy, I had many life experiences but I fell..  and on top of a butcher knife.  He told me he single.. lie.. I was pregnant months before I found out.  When I found out, I left him.. running over 2000 miles away.  I had his baby.. I didn't say a word about him or try to contact him.  I wanted this baby to know no harm like my other kids did when their Daddy left because of his cheating.  I babied this boy like no other.... I never let him go from my arms for six months because I felt so bad he would never have a Daddy.  I was determined to stay on my own.

When he was 6 months old, I got a call.. I knew that voice.. my love had never left.. I was hooked.. I tried so hard not to be.  He apologized, made promises (all lies) and told me that he had gotten divorced and wanted so much to see his son.  Like a fool I went.. I went!  I let my pure innocent son meet this rotten, lying man and we all fell in love all over again.  I left on a jet.. knowing in my heart it was all more lies and I would never see him again but at least I had allowed my son the right to see his Father.

Two weeks later and just over two thousand miles away, a knock .. on my door.  It was him.  He had driven "straight through" from SC to be with me.  How could I resist?  After all.. he was divorced now..  (lies)

By the time I found out he was not divorced I was far.... far.. too gone.  We were living together and happy and the divorce WAS in progress and afterall.. they should have never married because the only reason they did is because she told him she was pregnant. (more lies). 

I could go on and on but bottom line.. I spent ten years married to a man who did nothing.. not one thing but lie to me.  It was all lies..   The cheating started after only three years of marriage.  I found him in a hotel with some ******** and I've never been the same.  No one night stands with my husband.  He cheats, but denies it.. gets caught, then fesses up and then finally.. finally..  gets so disgusted with himself what does he do?  He runs off with the woman.  They've all known he was married.. they went anyway.  I have chased him down and brought him home one too many times.

I have cried until I couldn't breathe and been rushed to the ER having massive panic attacks... paid no attention to my children because of my self pity, I have turned away good.. good men who have tried to make me forget and I have stuck in there.  Trying so very hard to convince myself these events were "accidents". 

"He won't do it again".. I'd tell myself.  Lies.. all of them.. Every word he ever said from the beginning was a lie.  This past June, he left to go to Mexico.  He is a project manager for a large company and travels 11 months out of the year.  After he had cried when he left me.. not wanting to go..  He told me he was going to rent a home with a co=worker because he was sick of staying in a hotel.  I knew in my heart it was a lie.. I knew there was yet another one. 

This went on for months.. On my birthday in August, I got an 11pm text message that simply read, "Happy Birthday" and that was it.  I tried to call him.. no answer.  For months I would try to call my husband at night or on the weekends and get nothing..  I knew in my heart it was happenning again and OH How he'd deny! 

I found out at Christmas when he ruined our entire family's holiday....  that  three days after his arrival in Mexico, he met a woman.  "Half arabian, half spanish. VERY VERY VERY beautiful (he had to tell me that a million times).  They had lived together since June..  It was no surprise but it dropped me to my knees.  I have not yet stopped crying for the lost soul that once was.  Every ounce of him and us has been a lie.  Not one I love you has been true.  I hate liars..  But lie to me.. I am getting used to it.

broken0813 broken0813
36-40, F
2 Responses Jan 22, 2007

This story brought me to my own knees in tears. My heart breaks for you, my dear sweet sister. OMG what is happening in this world? I am sooo angry this happened to you. So very angry that this stuff keeps happening. And it isn't just men doing it to women, women are doing just as evil to men. What is WITH people? I wish you and your babies love, hope and blessings always.

I am 15 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I found out just a week ago that my bf was cheating on me, he is out of the picture for good! He is nothing but a liar and I am going to protect my baby from a monster like him. My heart goes out to you, because us women, and some men, have dealt with so much pain and heartache because the ones we love lie to us and betray us. All you can do is as soon as you find out he is a loser,GET OUT! I did, and though I still cry for my love, he hurt me in a way that is totally unacceptable and there is no excuse for that.God bless you be strong.