Why I'm Here ... Part 3

This part is, while having the knowledge I do from having been there already, harsh ... for lack of a better way to describe it.  How does one go back to tell a spouse, someone you swore you'd be true to till death, that you've been unfaithful to them, and your vows ... all the while being true to self and feelings? 

He knew where I had been.  He knew my mind set before leaving.  He knew where I stood in terms of our relationship.  He too felt a distance was needed.  Encouraged me to, "Go experience what life is like with another man".  Was it easy to look at him when I got home?  No!  And he knew the second I walked into the door what the deal was. 

We were at a turning point in our marriage.  He didn't love me.  Didn't with-hold on making that VERY clear even before I left.  We thought about staying with one another for the boys.  We married young.  Him 21, I 18, and straight out of High School.  We had our first son a year and a half after getting married.  This added to our indecision on one another.  And, after seeking couseling and being told another baby would solve our problems, 4 years after our oldest son was born we had another.  Which just, instead of helping ... only made our distance with one another more severe. 

Upon returning home, the boys and I moved out only weeks later.  Papers were served, and we were in the midst of a divorce.  Divorce!  Final!  Permanate!  We'd been married 8 years.  That seemed like a life time to me at the time ....

Jack was still with me.  Phone calls, IM's, letters, and e-mail.  He too was going through a divorce, only his wasn't so simple.  His wife wasn't letting go, and it was getting ugly on his end.  

May 1st, 2001.  A day I will forever remember.  A phone call from Jack.  Situation on his end was getting even more bitter and heated than he'd imagined.  He needed time.  He needed distance.  It killed me, but I agreed to no contact with him till his divorce was well underway, and she was out of the house. 

May, June, then July ... not a word from Jack.  Did he forget about me?  Did he think of me the way I thought of him?  Would I ever know?  Or would that week be just a moment in time I would never forget?  

Through all of this, I was making it alone with two small boys.  Great job.  My own apartment.  Food on the table.  Boys were happy.  I was missing Jack.  By August, I'd made myself come to terms with the possibility that I may never hear from Jack again was very real.  So ... I moved on with my life.  Still thought about him, but ... let go of the idea that him and I would ever be anything but what we shared that week.

Jack was in the Army.  So when 9/11 happened ... I couldn't help BUT think of him.  No contact though.  So  ... I called his Mom.  She'd not heard anything either. 

Out of the blue, on Sept 28th, I was paged at work.  No one ever called me at work!  Had to be the baby-sitter.  Something wrong with the lil guy.   I was nervous, of course!  I answer, and I hear ... "Hey you!".  I wanted to fall over, cry, scream, jump up and down ... it was Jack!  So much to say, so much to ask ... where do I begin?  And ... I'm at work ... can't really talk.  Stay calm.  Don't let him know you're excited!  Chill out!! 

"What would you say to a house guest around the 27th of next month?", he asks.  Very cool, almost too cool, I tell him I can't discuss it at work, and for him to call my apartment (gave him the number) after work.  He agreed. 

zencricket zencricket
31-35, F
May 2, 2007