This Chapter Is Over

If you were to have asked me 7 years ago where I thought I'd be, it wouldn't be here, I'm sure.  If you asked me that very same question every year till today, I still doubt I'd fathom being here.  Here ... today ... in this position.  This situation.    This forever yo yo, love/hate relationship situation that I've been in.  You know the one I'm talking about.  For 7 years him and I put each other through hell.  Living hell.  We worked out demons of our past on one another.  We put each other through an emotional wringer.  Tore ourselves inside out not once, but several times.   I think it was close to a monthly thing the last few years.  A relationship PMS?  Very damn close!  We broke one another apart piece by piece, in a very slow manner.   Yet, through it all, we have somehow been able to continue a friendship, and come damn near close to helping put each other back together for others.   A very very unique situation we've been through, and are still going through.  Soon that will end, but for right now, we are still the support each other is leaning upon while gaining our wings of freedom of one another.  Is that not the most insane concept you've every heard of?  I mean ... who continues to lean on their ex while moving on with their own respective lives?  Well, quite frankly, that would be us ... thank you.  Different?  Oh yea!  Trying of ones patience?  Damn skippy!  Worth every heartfelt turning of the screw for closure purposes?  Absolutely!     I won't cover up the hardship with some horrible smelling perfume.  We had been through some really rough times with one another.  And in nearly the same breath, I won't try to lesson the exceptional times.  Those lil moments in time that will forever be cherished.   Talk last night of how one seen this outcome from the very beginning.  I suppose I was only kidding myself when I tried to deny that I too felt like that.  Truth be told, looking back, I knew it too.  Who goes through that many hard times in a relationship over the same topic, and NOT feel the end breathing down ones neck?  I suppose it took time to let go, for each of us.   To let go isn't to forget, not think about, or ignore.  It doesn't have feelings of anger, jealousy or regret.  Letting go isn't winning or loosing.  It is not about pride, obsessing or dwelling on the past, and letting go is surely not defeat.  Letting go is absolutely to cherish memories, having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving forward.  And moving forward we have.   These WERE the times that tired men's soul's ...   Now, oddly enough, we embark in new and exciting waters.  Well, I won't speak for the other too much on that one.  At this point, all I can embellish on are my endeavors, hopes, and dreams.    Forever I talked of a new chapter to this day in and day out I call life, and the dawning of this new chapter arrives at the end of this month.  I can hardly believe it or contain my excitement.  But ... for now, I will be mysterious, as details are still a bit sketchy.  No need to be putting the cart before the horse, not this time.    My heart smiles.  My soul renewed. 
zencricket zencricket
31-35, F
1 Response Jun 6, 2007

wow, well I am glad that you have moving on I love what you said what it meant to let go and i think you are absolutely right. thank you for sharing this with us and your words really helped me understand what it means to letting go and move forward :)