I Admit It.
I do. I honestly admit it. Anyone ever asking me about Australia, will be told this. I see no reason to hide it. I may live here, but Australia just doesn't feel like home. It never has and it probably never will. I've tried to be patriotic, really I have. But I'm not. I'm not saying I oppose patriotism, because I love my heritage with every fibre of my being. My grandparents came from Belarus and Poland and I tell anyone that with the biggest amount of pride you'll ever see. I'll never be anything but a Slavic European nationality wise. There is honestly nothing connecting me to Australia. Sometimes I despise where I am so much, that the thought of living somewhere else is the only thing that calms me and the only thing I can feel hopeful about in this country.
I've looked at the stories in this group, about people who clearly dont understand the view of people who identify with this group. Compared to Iraq or Sudan or a similiar place, yes I would rather live in Australia. But let's put modern democracy into practice here and acknowledge that I can go anywhere I want. Logistically speaking, right now I cant, but even so, at some point I will be. And by then, I will be moving to Europe. Most likely Germany or Czechoslovakia.
I'm not saying Australia is a bad country. There's plenty of good things about it. But one person's heaven, is another person's hell. And Australia just happens to be my idea of something close to hell. It's just not home. Sometimes I wish it was. That I could look at someone and with every fibre of my being say that I'm proud to be Australian and mean it. But I'm a fake. I'm not patriotic towards Australia in the slightest. I've tried to be at various times in my life, and I know that I dont feel it within me. I know I dont mean it. I know I'm lying to them and to me. I know I dont feel like that within myself. I know for fact that if I came into a large sum of money, I'd leave the country.
I dont see this as a character flaw. It's something I've dealt with my whole life and something I've accepted by now. I honestly think the people who are like, "If you dont like it, leave.", just maybe with a little more brutality are the flawed ones. They dont really know me. It's not making Australia any less wonderful for them. And when I leave, they wont miss me. Problem solved.
I honestly cant wait to leave.