Don't Laugh...

I come from a *very* strict conservative Christian family.  I mean we are a notch and a half below Amish.  To make matters worse, my parents (especially my mom) have a Southern black upbringing that is filled with what I consider some pretty lame and useless traditions.  As a result, my sisters and I have grown up in  a less than empowering environment.   My parents also have a lot of fear issues which have also colored their judgement.    Now don't get me wrong, I am a Christian and I love God very much but geez...  If it hadn't been for God's hand in my life and seeing what He's done for me personally, I probably wouldn't be a Christian because of my parents' example.   Their life is not what I want to be in a few years time.

One of my parents' thing is that female children don't live by themselves.  They live with their parents till they get married.  Now the first time I heard this, I was quite young and like most children, they believe what their parents tell them.  The second time I heard it, I sincerely doubted this was true.  I mean, I had some college under my belt and I saw plenty of girls going off on their own and doing well and living somewhat happily.   It challenged a great many things I'd thought were true. Wouldn't be the last thing...  Well I'm a bit older and I've pretty much chucked that rule out of the window.  After all, I'm really not looking to marry anybody right now.  I  have too much I want to do as a single person and I do not believe I have to 'have somebody' to enjoy my life.  My sisters have seen that too.

"So why don't you just leave?" I can hear you say.  Trust me I've been trying.  And twice it nearly happened.   And twice I listened to my parents freak out.  I guess I'm more disgusted with myself to not have enough back bone in this area.  I've confronted total strangers on issues from athesim and **** to separation of church and state, but when it comes to wanting a life of my own, when the line is drawn I can't seem to step over.  It bugs me to no end.  I guess a part of me doesn't want to deal with the inevitable drama that will insue when I finally decide to go, but I want a life of my own without my noisy, messy, fear driven parents.  I can see myself not speaking to them for a good 5 years--that's how much time I can see myself needing to adjust.   If you relationship with your parents is good, none of this will probably even register in your head.  But if it makes any sense, I'd like to commiserate if your out there!  Better yet, if you've experienced something similar, I'd love to hear how you've dealt with it.
WarriorNun WarriorNun
36-40, F
10 Responses Sep 19, 2006

I lived in a refuge for two years but recently had to move back with my abusive mum. She's also the general manager at the company I work at. I should be moved out in two months but working and living with her is so hard. The constantly calling me a drug addict because I occasionally smoke marijuana, the telling me I'm useless and crazy, that everything is my fault:.. It's so hard not to block out the sounds.

I should have cut her out of my life ages ago but the thought of her being sad and the thought of losing my job both scare the Christ out of me. I'm not getting support payments anymore so I can't just cut her out and move out. No other job will pay me as well as my job now (I'm 18 and earning 45k annually).

I feel like I'm drowning.

I haven't dealt with it. I'm jealous, sometimes, of my friend's open relationship with her parents. Though, I would hate that now after all this conditioning. By the way, you should totally leave and make your own. You say you have college under your belt, perhaps relocate you're career and start anew.

Oh man, same thing with my parents. I like Christianity, do not like my Christian parents. They are immature and hide behind tradition and call it dogma. I mean, it's fine if they want to do that, but don't force me to do that! They do that with cultural and political beliefs too. They both like to "be in the know" and they freak out when they don't know. I don't know, leave home, I guess. That's what all the other comments say. Except the first one, but I don't like that one, go big or go home!

My parents are almost the same... except they want me OUT of the their house ASAP, however, want to keep the control of how I spend my time, money and life.... <br />
They are also "Christians" but don't seem to care about their daughter (me!). <br />
I act out against them, and at 26, how pathetic is that. Luckily, now, they are moving one way, i am moving the other... so hopefully NO MORE CONTROL!! :)

i come from a strict muslim family and its the same thing for me. im a very independent person but when it comes down to religion or culture or what not it basically works like this. i go from under my dads roof to under my husbands roof. my husband being someone i may or may not chose. someone who i may never love or cant even stand. where is the 'me' time. in our culture the sooner you get pregnant the better after marriage. in my head if i was stuck in a room with another person and a man with a gun and he was to shoot only one of us. i would gladly say shoot me because im not going to make society any better if i'm under my husbands roof straight from my dads roof. who knows maybe that other person n the room with me who didn't die will actually help society. i don't want to live this life but i can't run away i have no money because i'm not allowed to have a job so i can't run away or anything. i tried before

Ahh... WarriorNun; get the hell out of there and learn about the world for yourself. You are an intelligent, strong spirited, unique individual. Do not let that be stifled by some mis-judged interpretation of a book that has been misinterpreted for 2000 years.<br />
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At some point a bunch of self motivated men sat down and decided which of the scrolls should be included in 'the book' and which should not. Decide what is right in your heart and never mind what brainwashing is being thrust upon you.<br />
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Be who you are; not what anyone tries to make you into. Including your parents.<br />
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If this be heresy at least no one knows where I am to burn me at the stake which practice was also pursued in the name of the same god.

in terms of the bible it sounds like your mom has it backwards i though that it said that women are the reason why men leave their mom and dad not the other way around. However even in my family a similar tradition existed that was a little backwards. my parents are also very strict they are a skip and a jump away from amish as well. The females in the family all have to live with someone else. If not married then they have to have another female room mate or go live with a relative or something. My sister however just went off to college and moved into the girls dorm and then after school she moved in with some of her female friends from school. My parents didn't flip out too much but her taking a job and going to school in another state somewhat forced the issue.

I just left.. packed my stuff up and left... not a lot they can do to stop and adult...

You're dang right it says nothing of the kind in the Bible. I don't know where mom got it from. The older I've gotten the more I believe it's motivated by their fears than anything else. Well fear is an enemy and a barrier to life so something has to go and I have too much living to do. I know it's just a matter of time. It's the how that concerns me.

this is pretty common in many cultures. I definitely empathize. It seems your parents want to keep you home more for themselves than for your good. My suggestion would be for baby-steps-- move like 15 minutes away from your house and make sure to live with a friend that your parents know and, if you're lucky, like. There will be no good argument against it-- to my recollection, nothing in the Bible talks about women being forced to stay home until marriage.