Long Distance With A Strong Silent Type.I started dating my boyfriend in August, unknowing that it would eventually turn into this. We met online, met in real life, and completely hit it off. We had the usual times where sometimes he'd annoy the heck out of me, but that's life, right? I didn't have a car, and it was a pain always driving to my place to pick me up, so eventually I just moved in with him and got a job nearby. He finished college, but couldn't find a job nearby, so he started applying in his home state. He got a job, and then moved away - so I quit my job and moved back home.
The plan is that I'm to save up enough money for a car doing what I can (not many places near my parents, so I'm working online) so I am home all day. The plan is that I'll eventually get that car and move to live with him, and then get a job there to help with rent, but it's hard with just online jobs. He doesn't have cell phone service in his home state, so we can't talk much. I do enjoy talking to him when I can, but he's not big on communicating emotions - he's the "strong silent type," and that's one thing we never saw eye to eye on. I'm very sensitive and need a lot of care to feel comfortable about a relationship (while he is the opposite), and long distance does not help that at all. He might be gone all weekend but doesn't tell me what he's doing, and I sit at home all day, hoping he'll log on. I finally text him (hoping I'm not racking up charges for him) and he tells me he was in a city where he gets service all day, but not what he was doing or why he didn't text me. It hurts to feel so unimportant.
I wish I could be busier so I wouldn't miss talking to him, or that long distance relationships didn't make me feel so crazy and paranoid. Sometimes it's okay and I don't care a bit, but when I do something nice for him (like take naughty pictures and send them to him via e-mail) and I don't get a reply back without having to drag it out of him, it makes me feel like crap. Honestly, sometimes I want to just end it - because I feel like I'm working toward a goal that won't be solved in the 1 to 3 month time line that we originally gave it. I feel like I need time to be by myself, without a significant other, so I can train myself to not need him - but then of course he logs on and it makes me happy. I don't know how to balance that. I'm unhappy and lonely, while I don't feel like he feels the same way, because I never know how he feels. It was so much easier when I was right next to him and I could see it on his face.
latchkeygirl 18-21, F 1 Response 0 Jun 6, 2010