The Story Of My Life

All my life I have been bullied because I was never the prettiest or the skinniest. I had suicidal thoughts at the age of 8. I didn't though. I was bullied from kinder to 5th grade then I moved schooled nd I found wonderful amazing friends in 6th grade. They taught me how to stand up for my self and be happy. :) it was great 6th and 7th grade now tht I have been separated from my friends because of our different class rooms everything has changed...I have started to have suicidal thoughts again. The reason is not bullying its a guy. He WAS my "big brother" for those years and he is in my class room but the thing is I gained a crush on him. It's not just any ordinary crush I just love him endlessly. Idk wht to do. He isz going out with a girl tht used to be my best friend. Then she backstabbed me because she was jealous. I love him though. Of course I haven't told him. Idk I loved them both but idk wht happened to the 3 of us. I'm torn apart. Because she isz cheating on him and it makes so mad because he is everything I want but can't have due to my appearance . She gets to have him and yet she cheats on him and messes with other guys ? Tht isn't fair and I told him she was but he didn't believe me. I got mad at him because we were best friends and he chose her lies. I stopped talking to him for A month but he didn't even make the effort to talk to meh or apologize :'(. Then he found out tht it was true tht she was messing with other guys and he didn't talk to her for 2 days but yet today of course he apologizes to her for being mad but she doesn't accept his apology . The worst thing was though when all 3 of us were friends I would have to suffer the pain to seem them together everyday. Well today he told meh tht because after tht month we sat together in a class so we started talking again but it's not the same now . Well he told meh tht ihht was true and thee was also another reason I asked him and he said no. He said cuz I'm not a true friend or I'm not his friend or he doesn't trust I didn't hear him right and when I asked him he acted like he didn't hear meh . Now I regret tht month I didn't talk to him . Maybe ihht was right or not ? I was trying to let go of him and move on so I do t hurt my heart any longer. Well I still am trying but idk. Should I forget ihht and try to gain back our friendship even though I see him more than a friend ? Or should I just stop talking to him and delete all evidence tht he was in my life ? Idk help . Plz
Diary01 Diary01
13-15, F
1 Response Jan 12, 2013

Delete him. There are going to be people that you fall in love with that you just absolutely shouldnt. I was seeing a guy back in my junior year of school. We were pretty good together( Jaime) . had lotts of fun. but really it was mostly fun. we hung out alot and did all the things boyfriends and girlfriends do but we werent serious serious. Well His best friend (Joe) developed a horrible crush on me while I was dating Jaime... It got pretty bad. At first it was akward cause I could tell he kindof like me. We were really good friends so we all hung out alot. Suddenly Joe started trying to hang out with me by himself. He would come visit me at work, go over to my house alot. Started telling me that Jaime wasnt as interested in me as I thought. Joe was trying to win me over. buying me flowers and Jewlery. He got in deep and got his heart broken for sure. Hes still hurt about it and its been years. Why didnt I ever date him? because I was dating his best friend. what kind of person would dump the person they are seeing to date their best friend. I loved him cause he was a great friend but he went after something he never should have. If he felt something for me he should have either stopped hanging out with us and pushed me away. or waited till jaime and I broke up. Instead he created a wedge between him and his friend that never went away and it put me in a bad spot telling him I couldnt be with him cause I was with his friend.