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Men Love Their Mother-in Laws But Many Women Hate Theirs

Go figure?

Men don't complain about their mother in laws but many women hate their mother-in laws. It's a bit confusing.

When a man's mother-in-law does something for them, he and his wife are thankful but when the women's mother-in-law does something, she is interferring with the marriage. It's a bit confusing.

I have 2 sons and 2 daughter-in-laws. I treat them exactly the same. Son #1's wife Sandy feels I am interferring, but son #2's wife Beth often hugs me and tells me that I am the best MIL in the world and tells me that she is so lucky to have a MIL like me.

It's just a bit confusing for me ?

Son #1's wife often complains about me to her husband/my son and exaggerates about everything. An Example: One day I had some photos developed and when I returned home with them, I asked my friend and both daughter-in-laws if they wanted to see my prints...but Sandy (son # 1's wife) said she didn't want to see them and din't join us in viewing the photos. Beth (son#2's wife)was interested in seeing them and while we were looking at the prints liz asked for copies of a few photos. I told her I would be happy to make copies for her. Later that evening my # 1 son informed me that he and his wife Sue were angry with me because I didn't ask Sue if she wanted copies of the photo's.

Now, I never thought to offer son # 1 wife Sandy copies ...because she was not interested in seeing them and she did not make an attempt to view the photos....My #1 son goes along with anything his wife suggests.

Son #2's wife does not complain about me to her husband/my son and I have witnessed that she corrects him if he speaks to me in a wrong tone of voice. He too goes along with whatever his wife suggests.

I continue to try and love son#1's wife but she won't let me love her.

There is a lot of mother-in-law bashing on this site. I hate it because I live it and it is not my fault.

We mother-in-laws are the same people whom raised the son's these girls fell in love with....and just why is it that all men have kind mother-in-laws, but many women have awful, sick, mean and even EVIL mother-in-laws? Pretty harsh language for a regular everyday hard working mother huh?

Perhaps mothers whom raise girls are nicer people, but I also raised 2 daughters...so that's not it. My daughters complain about their mother-in-laws too. I always tell them that they need to look for the good in people and not the bad in people because if we focus on bad qualities, we will surely find them.

I am a confused MIL? Can someone shed some light on this matter? Do all son's think their mother-in-laws are nicer than their own mother.

 

 

chaus chaus 51-55, F 44 Responses Mar 31, 2008

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I think there is a lot of pressure on the MIL and DIL to be friends if not more like family. BUT, the husband doesn't have that same pressure to be friends with his MIL. How many times has the wife's mother asked just the son to do something?

I think that explains the pressure. My husband doesn't talk to my parents unless we meet up as a couple. I don't expect him to be my parents friends. In fact, I like that they aren't buddy buddy without me there.

There is pressure for me (the wife) to be friends with my MIL. I don't think that is fair, the women are expected to keep the family together and I just don't think it should be just women. It's not the 1920s.

I would ask yourself is it possible that wife who hasn't been as friendly finds it intimidating to be with you and the other wife? Instead of asking her to hang out as a group of 3, try to treat her as an individual. Spend some alone time for her. I think the DIL is constantly looking for the MIL to re-assure the DIL that SHE is the best options for her husband, or your son. That she is an individual and you can see why your son loves her. Without some alone time with her, I don't think you are really doing that. Get to know her alone, compliment her, let yourself learn about her.

It is the obvious problem with this photo thing. The reason that she was upset about the photos and you not asking her if she wanted any was because you totally blew her off and just hung out with the good wife, your favorite. She is picking up on it.

I don't think what you did was intentional, but asking her to see the photos a different time with just you or asking her if she wanted copies would have been you really trying.

The fact that she is feeling insecure about your relationship with her means that you will need to do some reassurance work if you really want to have a good relationship or a chance too. Best way, include her as an individual and spend an alone, quality time with her getting to know her....not your son or you or grandkids...get to know her.

You seem like a MIL that would love to have a happy family, I know you can take the higher road.

Men hate their mothers in law too. I have the song from the Wizard of Oz "Ding Dong The Witch is Dead" as my MILs ringtone on my phone.

What crap. I loathe my mother in law, an absolutely vile monster full of irrational prejudice and seething resentment. Despite the fact my wife and I have a fantastic relationship, she's been trying her best to break us up from day one. Whatever I have done has never been enough for her.It's not just women who have MIL's from hell.

No, it's not that guys like their wife's mother more than their own. It's just that the guys have to "leave" their mothers and flock to their wives once they get married ; it's in the good book. So that means that the guy has to vanish in his mother's life once he has a wife.

I agree with you men they never complaints. Do not worry the daughter in law today will be mother in law one day they have to suffer same way they are doing to their mother in law then they will remember their days but it will be too late now then that time will be their to face they have to pay for what they did in past. So mother in law should do good for them and then leave it up to them how they feel because no one can change their personalities and daughter in law 's mother has to face same may be then they will realize. Some daughter in law never happy does not matter what you do for them. I am also facing the big problems with my 2 daughter in law I never do any thing good for them. So my advised to all the mother in law is leave them alone and live your life the fullest and they will pay their share one day with all the interest.

Shuhani- that is extremely rude to wish harm to others. No one deserves any of this treatment. The truth is its just giant miscommunication and it's PATHETIC that she can't women up and take control of it. You are the Mom if you think you are so perfect then fix it. Learn to communicate make your DIL feel like an individual, not an intruder.

hi all....<br />
I am a son, husband and father (that is the order things happened in my life!!!)...<br />
I read a lot of mother-in-law bashing here...I agree that some MIL really need to step back a little but then DIL can not always be right?<br />
Daughter-in-laws seem to think that MIL's are awful, sick, mean, evil (as in above post). DIL hates her MIL, doesn't want to see her, doesn't want to stay with her, dosn't want her to visit, some don't want even her kids to see the MIL (yes, i have read that too)...<br />
I just have a few questions to all DIL...<br />
1. If MIL are so so so bad... how come she raised a son...who was so good that you married him and became his wife and to be with him for life.<br />
2. For all DIL here.... are you awful, sick, mean and evil ? (i hope not)<br />
3. If not...so when your son marries and you have a DIL and she calls you awful, sick, mean and evil, would she be telling the truth?<br />
4. If not... then when you call your MIL, awful, sick, mean and evil are you telling the truth or is it just your insecurities speaking...are you so insecure?...are you so insecure that you take your MIL as a competition, rather than a person who can love you, guide you and help you...in life...in bad times...in raising your kids and making them as great a person as your husbands are? (I am sorry, but if you think you are smart enough of raising your little kids better than your MIL raised her son....at this stage in life...you are not....and by saying that you are disrespecting your husbands)<br />
Gals...give your MIL's a break....she raised her son.....changed his diapers...spent many sleepless nights watching her son sleep.....worried about him....took care of every little thing he needed and wanted...(i know this as i am a father to a 2 year old son, who is the love of my life, and do all this).....How can you expect MIL to just vanish from her sons life just because now he is married to you....and if you can not understand what i am saying....just try staying away from your kids, against your will, for a few days....i am sure you will cry too....<br />
and then one day you will be old, have a DIL and she will call you awful, sick, mean and evil and you will regret what you are doing now...

Thank you hearing from a son,Husband,Father all you read is always about DIL bad mouthing their MIL and never from the man's point.What you said here is so true.They forget they will be the next MIL of the future.I have to say I Love my MIL she is a wonderful woman and a great grandparent.I felt very proud of my husband when he helped her with things and told her he loves her I never felt threaten or jealous of this.Family on both sides are important for me so now with my daughter I have spoken to her about her future MIL to treat her with respect and love cause I don't want to be the same as the rest I want to be different in raising the future.

1. If MIL are so so so bad... how come she raised a son...who was so good that you married him and became his wife and to be with him for life.
>> My MIL did not cook for my husband food when he was young. he grew up eating microwave food. I think this is why he grew up and had to learn to do things on his own like cooking and being handy. His parents were not.

The things that I dislike about my MIL is that she has written several nasty emails to me the first 2 years of my marriage...one of them put me in depression which she wrote just a few days after I came back from delivering my first baby with unplanned c-section.
Afterwards she continue to do things unintentionally that was harmful and dangerous to my kids. ex: swinging my 9 month baby by holding her ankles while grandfather was holding the wrist. She had big smile on her face when she did that. She now ask to take my 2yr and 4 yr old unsupervised and gets upset when we don't let her. I encouraged her to visit my kids when they are at daycare where there are teachers present. She works only 10 minutes away and visit them 1-2 a month. And mostly 1 hr with 2 yr grandson and 15-30 minutes with 4yr granddaughter.

My husband lived with his grandmother first 2 years of his life. He only see his mom when his mom gets off from work and have dinner at her MIL house. She would then go home and leave him with his grandmother.
Maybe this is why she is inexperience with little kids.

Thank you so much. I am a mother or 4 boys and feel alone! I miss them all so much. Thank you for all you said!

Well my husband's mother emotionally abandoned him and allowed his father to physically abuse him...so yeah, I think I can do a million times better job parenting than she did. My husband turned out well because he's an exceptional man who is strong and knew when to seek help. Not because of anything that horrible woman did. You shouldn't assume that every good person is wonderful because their parents did a great job. Some parents are abusive, or ignore their children, or are just bad parents. There's nothing wrong with not wanting a toxic person around you or your children.
But I would argue that parents always know their own child better than the grandparents, therefore I know how to raise my child better than my mother does. A mom always knows her baby best. Granny didn't birth the baby and isn't around all day everyday. She doesn't know what that baby needs like mom and dad do. And parenting advice has changed a lot. My mom put me to sleep on my stomach and gave me beer for teething. HUGE no-no's nowadays. Plus, we attachment parent and my mother knows nothing about that. There is a right way to raise a child: whatever way is best for that child and its parents (obviosuly excepting abuse and neglect). Parents have the right to raise their kids their own way without input or interference from others. And by the way....that's a constitutionally recognized right.

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This is the biggest problem these days, with increased freedom of nuclear families. Wife always tries to protect her freedom by staying away from people who are normally part of their family's decision making. Their thought process changes immediately after marriage, they want to be free and independent irrespective of their past. The insecurity of loosing freedom and independence makes them hate and ill-talk about their in-laws to husband. I am one of the victims who got affected with this kind of behavior. After all, married life was a hell for me with 24/7 baseless complaints and separation talks. The demand to leave my family went till divorce threat and done.

Loved the article. Okay, ive been with my husband for many years and frankly I Cant Stand my mother in law. Gosh NO!!! He keeps telling my to open up-give her chances and then proceeds to tell me im stubborn, i hold grudges, and im just a ***** about it. Fine, i can accept my faults and flaws, but after so many strike outs the game is over buddy. Not to mention a language barrier and raised americanized. It's like every couple of months the subject comes up. Its like a never ending battle on the subject . Then I keep my anger of the matter inside myself and it just brews and manifests itself until I cant take it anymore and then I explode like a tea pot. I can give you long examples of why I Cant Stand my m.i.l. but the subject is like great not again.However. before my f.I.l passed I got along with him fabulously. Go figure.....

well i have been married 20 years and i hate my mother in law she has been to my house one time i have not been to her house in over 10 years .she acts nice in front of her son but when hes not around she;s from hell .i told my husband so he wend down and talked to her ,,told her if she loves him shes got to love me ...but it helped for a min. now still the same she will call and tell him merry christmas like he is a single man ...but im my heart i will never care for her .i hope never to see her unless it;s at here feneral....i told my husband that .he said he wish i would keep suck remarks as that to my self .....................

Dear Chaus,<br />
<br />
Im going through the very same situation myself with my son and his fiance. I think the issue comes down to the self esteem of the DIL. I adored my mother in law (she passed away a few yrs ago) yet the other DIL's in the family couldnt stand her and thought she was controlling. I was secure in my own role and was therefore not threatened by her, but loved her dearly. I still do. I believe women tend to be far more threatened by other women when they, themselves are insecure, as opposed to how men treat other men. We see this is the working world as well. There is nothing you can do about it except the fact that the DIL who feels threatened by you is very insecure. You cannot change her - you can help her feel more secure by spending more one on one time with her, etc but there is no assurance that will remedy the issue either. In the end, just remember The Serenity Prayer. Maybe understanding this that this isnt about you and has far more to do with her low self esteem (than anything you are doing) will help alleviate your own emotional discomfort with the situation.

deb713
Your comments about low self-esteem are right on track. It is the threat of her man loving and listening to another woman that bothers her so she tries to undermine their relationship with negativity and disapproval. True love is not selfish or jealous. True love should promote happiness and loving relationships with their spouses parents and family.

Sorry I must disagree. As a MIL and parent to both a grown son and daughter I have seen it on all sides. My mother in law hated me and did everything in her power to get my husband to leave me. We had to withdraw from the relationship because she refused to get out of our marriage. As a DIL I twisted myself in a pretzel trying to please her, but nothing was ever enough because she simply did not want to give up control of her son. Luckily, my daughter in law and I have gotten along very well. However, I have worked very hard to make her feel wanted and included in our family. The problems start when a family wont accept that their son is a grown/adult and that their spouse is now also apart of the family fully. I'm sure there are some DILs that also have issues - but the problems I've experienced have wholly been from the MIL side.

I agree, let you son make his decisions without criticism. Learn about your DIL and treat her like an individual, not a baby maker...she has feelings too.

My MIL has never asked me anything about myself and when she does reach out to communicate me it's so ill. She talks about her cheating husband, her failed marriage, her bitchy daughter, her cancer....all these terrible things that happened 20 years ago.
I would just like one time where she asked me what my favorite color is or what it was like where I grew up. It's like I haven't even had the chance to show her I am a good person...which puts me in instant defensive mode.

I wish my mother in law cared for me as you seem to care for your situations. My mother in law alienated me from my 3 teenage stepchildren. Whatever I did was never good enough and she undermined me to the point that I couldn't parent them, suffered huge health stress related problems, and now am single mother to two little children and going through a divorce from her son who incidentally is back in favour with his parents. She wanted to be number one to her son and first 3 grandchildren, abandonned the second two and even slandered me to everyone. She has been the same with all 4 of the spouses her two children have had and used to be harder on the girl grandchildren than the boys. In fact, she used to buy my son birthday presents for several years, until at 5 he asked me why she always bought presents for him and not for his sister, so I had my husband tell her buy for both or for neither. She bought for neither after that and so did my husband's, sister. I believe my mother in law is just a controlling, insecure woman who has no social skills and is jealous of me with an education, parenting as an older mother who got married before getting pregnant and was madly in love with my husband, her son. On the other hand, she had her baby at 15, controls her husband who is quiet as a mouse, never really worked out of the home, lived in a community with about 20 people. I will never ever do to my son, his wife, and their two little children what she did to our family. Shame on her too for not raising her son to be able to be a man and take care of his family. In my view we daughter in laws can still love and understand and raise the next generation to be accepting of all people whether they are like us or not. Unfortunately, mothers seem to have a tough time accepting that they have lost their son's to another woman. I can only hope I am different.

i have been married for a year and live in a joint family.i am working and have been looking forward to leading a normal married life with my husband.but the past 1 year,my in-laws have shown me hell,ruined my time, taking control over everything-apart from sleeping with my husband,i cannot do anything for him as everything will be done by my the mother-in-law(MIL).there is no independence though all responsibilities are taken up by my husband and me as we are the eldest son n daughter in law.my MIL follows some ridiculous RULES all abt the house and those have to be followed by me-i am doing still so as to maintain harmony.i can't wear salwar kameez-i have to wear sarees all the time.i am waiting for things to change and my husbands supports me to the fullest.i hate my parents in law and wish they had a daughter.

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation Tina. I hope that you and your husband will be able to move out so that you have your space and be independent from your in laws. In my situation my MIL had two daughters and that made her even more horrible because she wanted to make sure to point out that I was NOT her daughter over and over again. Her bratty daughters never wanted to include me in anything - and they formed a ladies club that I was not invited or welcomed to. Sometimes horrible in laws are horrible no matter how many daughters or sons they have. Hugs.

The problem here is not your mil, it is your husband,he needs to put his mom in her place. Not to disrespect her, just an understanding that he is a man and should be able to say no to any vacations that does not include you, his wife. The biggest problem here is you need to be very honest with your husband about how this has effected you and your husbands relationship, please do not blame mil, it is not her fault and remember what you accept you teach. Good Luck

I know many women who have great mothers-in-law but some need to do some serious research on what the purpose of raising a son is. As the mother of a son myself I understand that my job is to raise a man who is capable of being a productive, self-sufficient member of society of will one day become a husband and a father - and part of that means that he will be leaving his family of origin and becoming the leader of his own family. When he marries a woman SHE will then be the number one person in his life and it would be completely inappriopiate for him to EVER choose me over her for ANY reason at all, and will be inappropriate for me to doing ANYTHING to insert myself into that relationship - it will be my time to step back. My son is 10 years old and I started to teach him this when he was about 3 years old. The problem with my MIL is that my husband is 48 years old and she still views herself as his mommy and doesn't allow any room for me to be the number #1 person in his life. She calls every day, tells him and his brothers what he will be buying their father for his birthday, Christmas, and Father's Day (the wives are not included), she sends him "care packages" of his "favorite" childhood foods and (believe it or not) vitamins - since I am of course not capable of providing for my husband nutritionally, she sends him good morning have a great day text messages, and leaves him voice mail messages letting him know how proud she is of him for what a wonderful man he has grown up to be, we have to spend every holiday at her house so "the whole family can be together" with no acknowledgement that three women married into the family who also have parents as well, she is constantly criticizing my choice to be a stay at home wife and mother because it puts too much pressure on my husband to be the sole financial provider, when we have a decision that needs to be made she for some reason feels that she should be part of the decision making process and will do things to influence my husband to make him listen to her instead of allowing us to make the decision as a couple, she plans and pre-pays for vacations for her husband and my husband and his brothers without the wives because she thinks it's important for a father to spend time alone with his "boys" (who are between the ages of 40 and 50) without asking if these vacations will cause a problem with anyone's schedules. She is mean and nasty to me when my husband isn't around but when he is in the room she acts like she is as sweet as can be. She makes up lies about me and tells my husband that I say mean things to her that I have never said. I could go on and on. In spite of all this I feel sorry for the woman because I think the problem is that she spent her life focused so much on her children and not on understanding that her primary relationship was supposed to be with her husband and then when her children were grown and gone she felt like she didn't have a life left. So instead of getting some help or trying to work on her marriage, she just continued to "mommy" her kids and has continued to do so even though they are all 40 to 50 years old and married with kids of their own (some of whom are out of college). So I don't really think any of this is an issue of DILs vs. MILs, I think it's an issue of people forgetting what everyone's role is supposed to be in a family. I have no problem with my husband being close to his mother as long as she is respectful of the fact that I am now his primary relationship. My parents are great about this - when we were first married and we had an arguement I went to their house to complain about my husband and my mother stopped me and told me that I was a married woman now and that it was not appropriate for me to leave my husband in anger to run back to mommy and daddy to complain about him. They told me to put on my big girl panties, get back into the car, and go back to my husband and work it out. They told me that they don't ever want to hear about our marital problems because those are to be kept between a husband and wife. Another great thing my parents do, if they call to invite us for dinner they always tell me to check with my husband and then let them know. If they want to buy something for us or take us somewhere they always tell me to talk to my husband first because they only want to do it if he is comfortable with it - they never want him to feel that they are overstepping the boundaries into our family. I don't talk to my mother on the phone much but she always asks "Is this a good time? I can call back if I'm interrupting." Things like this are common courtesy that go a long way MILs.

Lots of awesome comment by the gals and the guys. Each of the posters brought out very good points. <br />
<br />
Being a wife and having a mother in law in my 1st marriage it was interesting. I came to love her over the years, was she difficult? You bet she was, and her and I didn't see eye to eye often. But she helped me care my 1st son when he developed a high fever and scared the heck out of me. She knew what to do to get his high fever down. I lived with her for about 1 1/2 years while my FIL was dying with cancer. I had one small children and helped her as much as I could in caring for him while she worked. Then he died and my husband and I stayed on and had our 2nd son there while living with her. We out grew our space and eventually bought a home. <br />
<br />
Even today since her husband and I are divorced I still have fond memories and tried to keep contact with her. It made her kids uncomfortable to I backed off. She was hard on me as a young wife, but I did learn from her. I never did come to agree with her entirely but we did meet in the middle and loved each other for 30 years. she cried when I left her son and so did I. <br />
<br />
I think all wives should try ,for their husband's sake ,to love his family, yes it might be difficult but look at it alike a learning adventure. Don't be to quick to read negative intent into their butting into your lives. I will mourn my ex-mother-in-law one day when she passes and be grateful she came into my life. <br />
<br />
Guys should love their Moms & sisters if they didn't how would they ever learn to love us. Thank the Divine that we have male & female and families intertwine in the most wonderful ways. <br />
<br />
Balsam

And YES WE MEN ARE NOT APRON STRINGS.... SUM CAN BE EXCEPTION............. WE LOVE YOU ALL WIFE, MOM, MOM IN LAW............ BUT WE DONT NEED THAT CLINGY THING........... M SORRY BUT M A LIL PISSED OF BY SUM COMMENTS............... THIS IS WOT I SAID IN MY LAST COMMENT DONT COMPETE............ BE FRENZ............. ONE SIMPLE EXAMPLE OF WHAT I SEE....... MOM OF A MALE TAKES CARE PAMPERS HIM SOOTHES HIM.. ETC ETC.......... SAME DOES THE WIFE............ BUT THE MOM IS EXPERIENCED N DAUGHTERS R TAUGHT TO BE WHAT...... BY THIER PARENTS............ MOMS LISTEN TO ME....YOU ALL R INSECURED ABOUT UR BOY....... GUIDE HIM RIGHT FROM HIS TEENAGE TO KNOW THE BEST...... WHEN I SAY BEST DOESNT MEAN BEST FOR U...... RATHER THE BEST QUALITIES YOU EXPECTED FROM YOUR HUSBANDS........... N NOW YOU WIVES LISTEN............ DONT EXPECT YOUR MAN TO BE THE WAY YOUR BROTHER BEHAVES OR YOUR DAD... MEN ARE DIFFERENT THEY TAKE ADVICE BUT LISTEN TO THEIR OWN...........DONT THINK YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR MAN BETTER THAN HIS MOM. NO YOU NOT OUR MOMS..... YOU ARE THE ONES WE LOVE LOVE LOVE ... AND YOU ARE IMP PART OF OUR LIVES............ YOU THE EQUAL QUEEN OF US....... BUT DONT COMPETE WITH OUR MOMS...... WE LOVE YOU BOTH.............

M sorry I accidently came thru this site@@@@@ I feel as a male ....... this chaos of mother in law and daughters in law is becoz both are women............... sounds funny... but m saying this becoz of the females I see in and around my surroundings............ A female mind right from childhood is somehow structured to exceed the male........ like a sister is mostly right than the bro....... girlie is perfect than her boyfren....... wife than husband... similarily mother than son or son in law.or her husband..... etc etc............ the fact is YOU PLAN N THINK OR RATHER FEEL THAT YOU LADY AT ANY RELATION R BETTER FOR MEN......... THATS THE FIRST CLASH BETWEEN A WIFE AND HIS MOM...... BECOZ BOTH FEMALES PLAY M BETTER ROLE........ WHICH LEADS TO FIGHT............. SO TAKE FEW MINUTES AND PONDER WHAT ABOUT THAT MALE AT ANY STAGE OF YOUR LIFE THINKS ABOUT ALL THIS................. TRUELY REAL MEN STAND FOR THEIR SIS, MOM, GIRLFREN, WIFE , MOM IN LAW........... THIS IS WHY MOM IN LAW FOR ME WUD BE COOL.... BUT NOT FOR THE FEMALE.............. WE REALLY GET GRINDED BETWEEN ALL THIS............ EACH OF YOU PLAY A GOOD ROLE IN OUR LIFE............ SO YOU DONT NEED TO COMPETE AND DO THIS BASHING................ YOU ARE BASHING THE MAN................. YES EXCEPTIONS ARE EVERY WHERE......... BUT ALL OF YOU FEMALES READING THIS JUST DO OR ACCEPT ONE KIND ACT OF YOUR COUNTER FEMALE........ SEE THE DIFFERENCE.........

M sorry I accidently came thru this site@@@@@ I feel as a male ....... this chaos of mother in law and daughters in law is becoz both are women............... sounds funny... but m saying this becoz of the females I see in and around my surroundings............ A female mind right from childhood is somehow structured to exceed the male........ like a sister is mostly right than the bro....... girlie is perfect than her boyfren....... wife than husband... similarily mother than son or son in law.or her husband..... etc etc............ the fact is YOU PLAN N THINK OR RATHER FEEL THAT YOU LADY AT ANY RELATION R BETTER FOR MEN......... THATS THE FIRST CLASH BETWEEN A WIFE AND HIS MOM...... BECOZ BOTH FEMALES PLAY M BETTER ROLE........ WHICH LEADS TO FIGHT............. SO TAKE FEW MINUTES AND PONDER WHAT ABOUT THAT MALE AT ANY STAGE OF YOUR LIFE THINKS ABOUT ALL THIS................. TRUELY REAL MEN STAND FOR THEIR SIS, MOM, GIRLFREN, WIFE , MOM IN LAW........... THIS IS WHY MOM IN LAW FOR ME WUD BE COOL.... BUT NOT FOR THE FEMALE.............. WE REALLY GET GRINDED BETWEEN ALL THIS............ EACH OF YOU PLAY A GOOD ROLE IN OUR LIFE............ SO YOU DONT NEED TO COMPETE AND DO THIS BASHING................ YOU ARE BASHING THE MAN................. YES EXCEPTIONS ARE EVERY WHERE......... BUT ALL OF YOU FEMALES READING THIS JUST DO OR ACCEPT ONE KIND ACT OF YOUR COUNTER FEMALE........ SEE THE DIFFERENCE.........

I actually hate my mother-in-law more than anyone in the world. I have truly never seen someone complain about more stuff then she does. I can't say anything without her snapping something at me, its ridiculous. I cannot stand being around her. She treats my wife and I like crap. What makes it worse is how she treats her son and his girlfriend. She treats him like he is God when really he is a loser with no friends, acts like a 10 year old (because he is treated like one) and literally cannot talk to anyone.

Men are basically pack animals who need to know who the boss is. When they marry they feel like they've lost their leader (mother). They need to know who's the boss in the whole hierarchy of things. Once they're married they unhook themselves from their mother's apron strings, feeling that this is what independence is all about. But what they really do is look for another set of apron strings to tie themselves to. They then transfer their 'affections' from one female (their mother) to another female (their wife). They then take orders from the most senior female of HER family, could be her mother or grandmother. They find it really difficult to remain loyal to their mothers whilst marrying into another matriarchial group. And don't the mothers of daughters know it! They often revel in the power they wield over their 'new son'. And their daughters emulate them by bitching about their MIL behind her back even if she's been the most helpful person to her. It doesn't matter. She'll sooner or later be hated unless her son grows some balls and stands his ground and stands up for himself and his mother. And that's up to him isn't it? If he doesn't do that - one day he'll be the loneliest man in the world because wives and mother in laws really couldn't give a **** about them. They just get a kick out of taking what they call a 'mummy's boy' away from his mother. And to them, every man is a mummy's boy who needs a woman like them to prize them away from their mother. They have no real concept of relationships. The see only roles. Sad but true. It's a power trip. I have a DIL whom I now loathe every bit as much as she loathes me because that's how she's steered the relationship. I've done nothing to her. She just sees me as competition because she's immature and I'm sick of putting up with her snide remarks and snipes. She's spoiled the relationship between me and my son and she's spoiled the relationship between me and my grandsons. I've now withdrawn from all of them. It hurt a lot but that's what she wanted- what she perceives as the upper hand. Well I surprised her and just gave it to her. I just walked out of their house one day without a word. When I was invited to tea again after a few weeks I politely declined, saying I was busy. She has now got the message - Play mind games with me young lady and you'll find I can do without YOU, MY SON and MY GRANDKIDS because I'm not in the business of playing stupid games. You either grow up or your out of MY life and you can have your petty little victory, and wallow in your 'girl power' because believe it or not - I don't have time for YOU. You're not in my league 'girlie'. I'm looking for a grown up DIL. And usually, when MIL is looking for a grown up DIL, her son starts looking for a grown up WIFE. That's the way it works. Mother remains above the mind games and the bitching and simply walks away. Son gets the message and realises he needs to take a closer look at the woman he's married to. So beware the bitchy DIL. MILs can be just as bitchy if you push us that bit too far.

My 23 year old son is about to get married. I've just learned that his future wife has been putting me down constantly and running to him telling him I don't like her and I don't want them to have kids. There are number of things she has hand chosen from brief converstation I've had with her to twist around into something ugly about me. I am flabergasted. I have welcomed her into the family including her baby daughter who is not my son's child. She and the baby stayed with us for 3 weeks and I bought the formula and diapers she needed. My son basically took care of the needs of the baby because she wanted him to do it. I didn't even ob<x>ject to that. Now here my son is newly in the Navy, no car urgent to get married to her and she to him. She has no car and they are depending on everyone to bring this together for them. I am shocked at how easily this young woman was able to turn my son against me. He and I have been close till now. I am going to cut him loose and not offer any thing to assist them because it is obviously not wanted. I don't know how this will turn out but It's just weird.

MAKE THINGS CLEAR ABUT WOT YOU THINK ABOUT ALL THIS....... TO YOUR SON.... AND YES SHE SHOULD NOT BE DEPENDENT ON YOU FOR THAT CHILD....... IF SHEZ ASKING SUMTHING FROM UR SON ... IGNORE ..... ITS NOT YOUR BUISNESSS.... BUT YOU OR UR OTHER FAMILY ARE NOT THIER PUPPETS TO DO ALL THINGS........... IF ITS HER KID SHE SHOULD KNOW TO CARE OF HER........ YOU NO SERVANT ........ M SORRY MAYBE M SNOBBY.. GRIP TIGHT YOUR PROPERTIES.... N OTHER HERIDITARY STUFF IN YOUR HANDS LEGALLY........... BUT DONT TALK ABOUT THIS TO THEM.... OR YELL OR TEASE..... THIS IS BAD....... N DONT DITCH UR SON AWAY MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL... TELL HIM THINK THIS IN HIS OWN WAY....... MADAM HEZ IN LOVE... WE MEN LVE A LOT..... THATS OUR PROBLEM.... BUT SUM OVER DO IT.. BE A FIRM MOTHER...... FORGET TEACHING UR DAUHTER IN LAW...... THAT UR SON WILL DO EVENTUALLY....... GOD BLESS N HAPPY LIVE YOUR FAMILY..........

A son is a son until he takes a wife, we all know that saying and it is true. Some mothers just can't let go of their son. It becomes a power struggle. When a woman marries a man she wants his support and for him to be on her side. Some mothers won't give up the control, then that's when the fighting starts. The harder the mother pulls, the harder the wife pulls. I got real lucky with my ex- mil. I could have been stupid enough to marry the last guy and be stuck with his monster of a mother!! I could fill this whole forum with stories about her.

Well...Everyone knows that mothers & sons get along much better than mothers & daughters. So I feel that the same goes for mothers-in-laws as well. Fathers & daughters get along great & for the most part, so do fathers-in-laws of the sons' wives... I truly believe that a large amount of mothers-in-laws are resentful of their sons' wives. It's true that a son's mother ALWAYS wants to # 1 in his life. SO... When their son falls in love & marries a woman, consequently & subconciously, the mother is bitter & resentful of this new woman....<br />
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Now the same goes for fathers-in-laws of their daughters' husbands... The father always wants to #1 in his little girl's life...ALWAYS... It doesn't matter how nice & respectful the man is, the father-in-law of his daughter's husband will also be subconciously resentful of this new man in his daughter's life. A lot of fathers get really broken up about their daughter's marrying & living with a man... On the other hand, the wives seem to get along with their fathers-in-laws just like the husbands seem to get along with their mothers-in-laws. It's truly Freudian... Subconciously, parents & in-law parents seem to get along with the opposite sex & always seem to bump heads with the same sex... This behavior has been going on for thousands of years. It will continue to go on because this is just human nature.... <br />
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Now.... There are always exceptions.... Very rare, but there are some... I, for one, am a woman & I would love my child to be a girl... I always wanted a girl. A lot of my female friends think I'm crazy because of this, so therefore I must be an exception. Most of my female friends pray for boys. I would love to have a "little version of me" that I can enjoy activities & be good friends with. I think that it would be very depressing if I had to deal with 2 men in the house watching football & burping instead of just one!!!

gooddaughter, get out now before it's too late. Once you have children it only gets worse. Personally, I think mils should be at least three states away and only contacted through phone, not by me..only her son!! As a DIL, nothing worked to get in her good graces, so I have given up. I wish I could move.

I hear and have read all comment and I see where both sides are coming from...but I am a DIL come from a Christian family my dad is a Pastor and has been for years, so bible was instilled in me at an early year, now my MIL is saved and Christian also, very knowledgeable of the bible and I have always treated her with respect even when on our wedding day she had my husband to leave the wedding well the reception and bring her home we had to wait for him to get back to finish pictures...I didn't say anything to my husband or her about it because out of respect for her being his mother. Another time she moved in with us because she says she was having hard times never asked if she could come just came made my husband take off from work to move her and she moved in then confronts me because I ask one question "how are you coming on finding a place" she told me she leaving when she feels she can... again I kept silent but enough is enough I have had it I told my husband when she finds a place he can leave with her. I may be wrong but enough is enough I'm tired of being a door mat.

Women are petty and jealous by nature. They tend to dominate and will destroy the relationship of anyone who will not fall under their rule. They are hypersensitive and self absorbed. When a man gets in a bar fight, the two men can beat each other bloody and get up afterward and have a beer together. If a woman intimates that another woman might be having a bad hair day, the woman with the bad hair, gets angry and will never speak to that woman again, ever, ever, ever. We tend to be childish and petty. That simple. The only way a woman escapes these rudenesses is through being changed by Christ Himself. The natural woman who is not Holy Spirit-governed by Biblical standards will be petty, selfish and rude to get what she wants. I will probably get hate mail for this, but if the women who are daughters in law, treated their mothers in law with a great deal of respect and honored them the way they would honor their own mothers, I know there would be a very different result. Young women should look for and appreciate the correction, teaching and gifts of the older women. In many cultures around the world, the principle of honoring the older folks, especially the mother of her husband, is very important. We have a lot of daughters-in-law that have been raised on self esteem and think they are better than everyone else. They will not submit to a mother in law as honor any more than they will submit to their own husbands. They are selfish because they have been raised in an indulgent manner. They very often lack manners themselves. They don't say thank you for gifts from their mother in law, they leave them out of wedding plans, birthday parties. They even get mad when the motehr in law drops in for a visit, when they should pamper them, with coffee and cookies and a happy smile on their face, as though they are very happy to see them. I was a daughter in law until my husbands mother passed. Never did I ever treat her with disrespect. Now that I am a mother in law, I see the disrespect on the part of the daughters in law, and it is because they were never trained to love the mother of their husband. This should have been done before they ever married. These daughters in law are training their children not to respect their grandparents and in future years not to respect them. It will come back to bite them in their tush. What parents do in moderation, children do in excess. You daughters in law are in for it when you are old, by training your children how to disrespect their elders. Shame on you!

Very interesting,!!!!!

As a man, I have a very different take on all of these comments. I think the issue of women, and their husband's families is some sort of built in evolutionary code that has been developed to protect the family that they are building with their husband. In these days of mixed marriages, women hate more than a man's mother - they hate his children, his ex wife, his sisters, his sister-in laws - almost everyone (usually not her father in law). This is NOT universal, but it is very very common. Having tried to find a suitable partner after my marriage ended, most of the relationships ran afoul when it came to my family. This is also true with most of my friends - who found the same to be true.<br />
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We do not find the same issues with her family and even the most horrible father in law for us, is only a few hours of pain which we gladly endure to keep our wives happy. But if my mother says something wrong - or my sister makes an inappropriate comment - then all hell breaks lose. <br />
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I am now 55 years old - and have seen this happen so often - both to myself, and to so many friends - that I have concluded that there is a genetic code in place here. We have all seen nature programs about lions, who when the male lion loses control of his Pride - the new dominant male kills all of the cubs - which the female lionesses accept, and allows them to immediately mate with their new leader.<br />
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So I think a similar situation is going on here with women. Their goal is to alienate their new family, from their husband's family, so that she can be the dominant female in the new family structure. If she does not do this, then it is her mother n law who takes on this role - not her own mother. So if she alienates the whole family, she is the queen of the castle. The easiest way to do this is to move away, or to fight like crazy with her mother in law- or other family member.<br />
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I have been trying to find some study on this - as I think it is worth doing research on - and i I were a social scientist - and not a banker - I would be looking for a way to obtain a grant to study this obvious phenonanon. I would love to hear anyones comment on my thoughts - particularly from other men. No doubt women will say this is not true - it is that my mother in law is the worst witch ever - so they will be typically biased - but other men would be more ob<x>jective observers/

As a man, I have a very different take on all of these comments. I think the issue of women, and their husband's families is some sort of built in evolutionary code that has been developed to protect the family that they are building with their husband. In these days of mixed marriages, women hate more than a man's mother - they hate his children, his ex wife, his sisters, his sister-in laws - almost everyone (usually not her father in law). This is NOT universal, but it is very very common. Having tried to find a suitable partner after my marriage ended, most of the relationships ran afoul when it came to my family. This is also true with most of my friends - who found the same to be true.<br />
<br />
We do not find the same issues with her family and even the most horrible father in law for us, is only a few hours of pain which we gladly endure to keep our wives happy. But if my mother says something wrong - or my sister makes an inappropriate comment - then all hell breaks lose. <br />
<br />
I am now 55 years old - and have seen this happen so often - both to myself, and to so many friends - that I have concluded that there is a genetic code in place here. We have all seen nature programs about lions, who when the male lion loses control of his Pride - the new dominant male kills all of the cubs - which the female lionesses accept, and allows them to immediately mate with their new leader.<br />
<br />
So I think a similar situation is going on here with women. Their goal is to alienate their new family, from their husband's family, so that she can be the dominant female in the new family structure. If she does not do this, then it is her mother n law who takes on this role - not her own mother. So if she alienates the whole family, she is the queen of the castle. The easiest way to do this is to move away, or to fight like crazy with her mother in law- or other family member.<br />
<br />
I have been trying to find some study on this - as I think it is worth doing research on - and i I were a social scientist - and not a banker - I would be looking for a way to obtain a grant to study this obvious phenonanon. I would love to hear anyones comment on my thoughts - particularly from other men. No doubt women will say this is not true - it is that my mother in law is the worst witch ever - so they will be typically biased - but other men would be more ob<x>jective observers/

i have read all the comment and can really see where chaus is coming from! im a Dil and i have tried my best possible to ensure i get on with mil, there is just something about this relationship that one will always suffer for the other to be happy and in this case i think it's the dil that are suffering, everything the mil says its law irespective of how the dil feel. i thought i had a good relationship with my mil until i found out that for every conversation i have with my mil she tells my husband, for every email i send her she sends to my husband, for every email she sends me she forwards a copy to my husband, so chaus you as a mil what do you think of this, in my opinon this action can wreck a home, my mil does not ever see any thing wrong with her son as far as she is knows her son is always right. mils thinks no one can ever be good enough for their sons, i seemy mil as the other woman in my marraige. My mil calls me every year to find out what im giving my hubby for his birthday , i should make sure i get him something nice! dats is not her business!!. i can asure you chaus that every dil tries to get on with thier mil , its just that mils don know when to back off !!they feel they have a right in thier sons home which they dont!!!! All mil should back off and see if peace will not reign. i have decided to pull back from my mil becasue i dont trust her anymore, she has breached every trust and respect i have for. don get me wrong i dont hate but dont have any affection for her anymore infact i have decided to block her email address so i dont get any mails from her anymore Dont blame me i learnt the hard way.