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It Hurts

I don't know if it's that i actually hate Mothers day.  It just hurts.

I had my son for 3 weeks and I tried to be the best mommy I could. He was in NICU the whole time because he was born very premature and it hurts so much that I was never able to hold him and comfort him when he was alive.

I try real hard not to be bitter, and maybe my mother in law is right and I should just get over it.  But, holidays are hell.  I always wonder what he'd be like.  If I would have been a good mom. 

  

BlackWolfEternal BlackWolfEternal 41-45, F 9 Responses May 11, 2008

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ps no one should tell you to get over it. it affects your whole life! you deserve better.

Sounds like you ARE a great mom. You did fight like hell. You also endured pregnancy for 40 weeks which is not easy. There is a big on-line community of people who have lost children, supporting each other. I hope you can find some people to help support you and encourage you, people who have been there. Also remember that these days, there are SO many ways to have kids. Lots of doctors will help you. If you have no money, raise it via the 'net. You deserve a child. I thought I'd never be able to have kids and it devastated me, so I made a plan and backup plans and finally was able to have two. You seem wonderful!!

As the years have gone by it has gotten easier. Pivotal times are when I have difficulty. But, I guess that's to be expected.

Although your son will always share a piece of your heart and you won't ever forget him, the pain does get easier with time. You'll get over it in your own sweet time. {{{HUGS}}}

You are a mother, and a good one. The love you showed your son when he was still here counts.

I'm soo sorry for your loss. Your son is beaming down on you from heaven and he forgives you, so don't worry about your mother-in-law. It's hard losing a child and it's something a parent never forgets, so each holiday and birthday, I hope you remember your son. Just celebrate his life and everything he was or that you'd hope he was.

you're welcome.

Thank you. I've actually questioned whether I'd qualify or not any more. Thanks for confirming that I do. I really needed that.

sorry about the loss of your little boy.<br />
well you did have a son and even though he has passed you were still a mommy so happy mother's day (even though it's hard to be happy after that tragic experience).<br />
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