I Went To Al Anon For The 1st Time Tonight.My husband reckons he has his drinking under control. That I should be supportive of the positive changes he has made in his life and that after a whole 2 weeks of not drinking I should feel positive and happy for him.
Maybe that's true. But I just don't trust him.
Tonight after a huge fight (I want him to go to rehab, but he doesn't want to go because he's already solved the problem) I left the house and attended my first Al Anon meeting.
Of course as I arrived I saw on of my husband's employees standing outside having a ciggie. I turned around and went back to the car park to freak out. Has she seen me? She will know immediately that I'm here because of my husband and her boss! F--k!! What to do???
As I was getting ready to sneak back to my car a nice lady pulled me out of the bushes and asked if it was my first time here (you think? Hiding in the church garden = not so subtle...) she encouraged me and reminded me its Anonomous.
So I took a big breath, tried not to vomit, and walked in to say hi. It's a public holiday here today so there were only 6 people. No avoiding the employee. She was sweet. Lent me her book and told me to turn to page 94. It worked and I know she is a very honest person. But still. She cannot un-know that her bosses drinking is so bad that his wife is at Al Anon... How would that make you feel? Confident in your job security?
Anyway. The meeting was a bit painful. People who are crap at reading aloud reading pages of the book. But they are kind and nice and I will go again. Once is not enough for me to form an opinion.
The most surprising part of the whole thing was being confronted with how much shame, secretivity and embarrassment I harbour around my hubby's drinking. I cried for the first 20 min. Just being there was so exposing. I can not hide from my problems any more.
If you are considering Al Anon i suggest you try it. Just to see how being there brings up repressed feelings... Yikes. I have a lot of work to do!