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This Site Should Be Called I Love/Hate My Alcoholic Husband.

I've been with my husband for 17 years, married for almost 14. When we dated, we went out all the time, and socialized with a lot of our co-workers, so it seemed rather normal that there were drinks around often. A combination of him getting worse over the years, and me finally realizing at one point that he had a problem.

Secretively buying alcohol, hiding it, drinking while not around me, yet mysteriously drunk when he appears in the evenings... is his M.O. We both work at home, and some nights are perfectly fine, with others are pretty bad. There's no rhyme or reason to it that I can tell. I never know if I'm going to get the man I fell in love with or the 'man' I absolutely can't stand as he slurs and talks about pointless things. He's never been abusive, but I've definitely been scared on a few occasions when he was belligerent.

He holds down a very nice job, he works hard and is good at what he does. He makes the money, and over the years, I've made less and less as I concentrate more on the home, our kids, etc. So now that this have become worse than ever, I'm more financially dependent on him than ever.

I express how frustrating it is, and he could care less how it bothers me. During rare moments of caring about it, he'll say he wants things to get better. He'll stop drinking for a few weeks, and things will seem like they're getting better and we're all much happier. Then poof, something triggers that first drink or that trip to the corner store, and we're right back to where we started, miserable, annoyed, frustrated, and extremely unhappy.

Life is full of surprises, and tests and challenges, but this particular roller coaster ride is not something I ever imagined I'd have to deal with.

I keep quiet about it on Facebook, I only tell basic stuff to my Mom and sister (because they already know he's an alcoholic), and little to friends. So because I keep it hidden, it festers and makes me feel that much more alone.

I'm so happy to have found and read posts on this site and feel better getting these words out.. among people who can appreciate what I have been and continue to go through.

My future is a big question mark right now, which is very scary. It's also promising to think of better days not in this situation. Time will tell. Good luck to all of you struggling with similar situations.
exhaustedandsad exhaustedandsad 41-45, F 5 Responses Feb 7, 2013

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Hello. I hope that your situation has improved. If not, you're welcome to read my story here. I hope it helps you. God bless. http://truefeminismnaphtali.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-taming-of-shrew.html

After the first paragraph I had to double check the name to make sure I wasn't reading something I ad posted it ages ago. It was like I was reading my own story. I wish I had big, profound words of wisdom for you, but I do not. I wish I had some solid advice for you, but I have none. But what helped me somewhat is to find friendship in others that have similar situations. Especially because, like you, I felt like I kept very quiet about it. I found this through Al-anon. If you haven't been to a meeting, you might want to give it a try. And if your first attempt doesn't feel like a good fit, keep looking. I did not find all Al-anon groups helpful. Some were just a big ***** fest, which might have felt good at the time, but were not helpful in the long term. And good luck. And feel free to contact me if you ever want to chat.

I know exactly how you feel about feeling so alone in all of this. I find myself fantasizing a lot about a different life. A life where I'm not living with an alcoholic. Sometime I dream about this life and I wake up and it takes all of my energy to get out of bed; it depresses me so much. Good luck to you too. You are not alone. There are so many of us out here who feel your pain too.

Your story is much like mine only now after so many years of drinking I can barely stand him when he's sober. The sound of his voice makes me ill. I've been plotting my escape for some time now. Not sure I have the courage but I'm sure going to keep heading that direction...out of this hell. Time to move on and take care of me.

my wife is an alcoholic too so i know the love/hate situation very well. Go talk with proffesional helpers. The more you hide it the more it makes you sick and depressed.