Written on February 15th, 2013
My husband is an alcoholic. He stops drinking for months but then will go on a binge where he drinks until he passes out. His mannerisms and behaviors while drunk REPULSE me. I cannot stomach having him in my sight. When he is out, I cringe thinking that he is walking in instead of being out all night. We are 33 and have been together for 18 years. I just recently got to this point that I cannot stand it. I used to say that i wanted him to come home at night so i know where he is and safe, now i dread that door opening and him stumbling in. I don't even care where he goes or who he is with. Believe me, this is a huge deal for me. i have been in love with him for more than half my life. I yell at him when he is drunk in front of the kids because I can't control my anger and contempt for him. But my oldest (4) doesn't know daddy is drunk so he just sees me as the lunatic screaming. This makes me so sad and upset. My boys are the reason I won't put up with it anymore. Jut needed to get that out, I feel like I can't tell anyone anything as I fear they will hold it against my husband. He's a great man when sober, the kindest person you can meet. Someone I truly love, but not sure im even in love with anymore. Thanks for listening.