Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

NOT Again In My Life

I am 55 years old and have been down this road before with my alcoholic mother.   I can't believe I am here AGAIN with my husband of 28 years.  Of course he denies that anything is wrong.  Most of his days are consumed with alcohol.  He consumes the biggest bottles of wine in one evening. Sometimes he drinks 3/4 of the bottle.  He can't go anywhere without drinking. Not to the beach, not for a bicycle ride, nothing. He is in total denial about any of this because what he is a functioning alcoholic just like my mom.  They get up and go to work, never missing a day off.   Meanwhile he is emotionally absent from me.  His mood swings are like jeckyl and hyde, and that is even when he isn't drinking. Lately he has become paranoid and thinks the worst of me.  I try to kiss him good night and he starts arguing with me, "what do you want, why are you? You are peering over my shoulder. "     He refuses to believe that I just wanted to kiss him goodnight.   I am lonely. Our sons are grown and out of the house. I told them my feelings and shared this with my spouse, he flipped out. Yelling that I am trying to drive a wedge between them.He never listens to my explanations. That wasn’t my intentions, I wanted them to know why I was planning on leaving their father. I have read everyone’s story and comments, in the past I attend Al Anon when my mom was alive and drunk. It didn’t help me or her. Never in a million years did I think I would be down this road again. My dad stayed with my mom but I can’t with my spouse. This is no relationship for me. I am vibrant, attractive for a 55 year old. I want to feel love and have a good time with a loving partner.   I am so tired of crying and feeling alone. Not all of this has been bad but in the past 10 years there is a progression and it is getting worse. He has been drunk or close to it. He gets violent if you irritate him the wrong way. He says he hates me because I told him to stop drinking, it is alcohol or me. Maybe that is wrong to say BUT I am desparate.   Too many vacations have been ruined, too many holidays, family functions. My heart has been broken too many times.   Go, drink to your hearts content but don’t drag me down in the process.   I am not cooking, cleaning, doing laundry for a man who won’t help himself. It helps to vent but I still want to cry.

 
cat4554 cat4554 51-55 9 Responses Aug 6, 2009

Your Response

Cancel

Am betting you let him go by now... and he told you he was as bored with you as you were by him.

It never ends and it does get worse. They will promise you the world of faced with you leaving. In the end without treatment they go right back to where they were.

After spending half of my life I realized that enough IS enough. It comes down to us not enabling them anymore. You have to ask yourself what is more important ? Your happiness and sanity or living with a person who is killing themselves and everyone else around them.

I have been blessed to have had a friendship with someone that truly cares about ME. I choose not to feed the fire of his sickness anymore. Going to get him out of our lives for good. I cant even conceive of spending another year let alone another month with him.

Think of yourself ! I don't want to look back and wish I had done this sooner.

Good luck !!!

I to am married to an alcoholic. He makes me miserable when he's drinking. He calls me nasty names and threatens me physically if I say the wrong thing. We've been married 26 years and in all honesty I hate him. Why don't I leave? I work, I earn a living, but I know he'd track me down to all ends of the earth to find me. I'm afraid of him and I hate myself for staying with him but I feel stuck. <br />
<br />
I have three beloved dogs I can't leave behind with him. They've kept me sane through his drunken rages and the loneliness that is my life. I hate him and his drinking. He drinks every day of the week and won't realize the expense this causes our recourses. He thinks that he works and makes more money then me so what's the problem?<br />
<br />
I feel for you and I know your pain. The only difference is you seem to still have feelings for your drink while I despise mine.

I to am married to an alcoholic. He makes me miserable when he's drinking. He calls me nasty names and threatens me physically if I say the wrong thing. We've been married 26 years and in all honesty I hate him. Why don't I leave? I work, I earn a living, but I know he'd track me down to all ends of the earth to find me. I'm afraid of him and I hate myself for staying with him but I feel stuck. <br />
<br />
I have three beloved dogs I can't leave behind with him. They've kept me sane through his drunken rages and the loneliness that is my life. I hate him and his drinking. He drinks every day of the week and won't realize the expense this causes our recourses. He thinks that he works and makes more money then me so what's the problem?<br />
<br />
I feel for you and I know your pain. The only difference is you seem to still have feelings for your drink while I despise mine.

I am going thru this right now. my husband maintains a pretty high profile job in our community and drinks every night. blames me for relationship problems gone bad and friendships ruined. I don't think we will ever be the same and I want out.

I left my functioning alcoholic husband after 17 yrs of marriage,,,I had so much hatred and resentment i couldnt take the anger anymore....talking to him could make u think you are crazy. He could not go a day without drinking and his personality was just nasty when he drank,and it affected his ability to be a good father .,,he had resentment towards me because I was so repulsed by him and his unwillingness to stop drinking for his family that I couldnt bear to go near him physically. He was paranoid, insecure and hateful when he drank...im not financially secure now but i am so at peace...i love not being angry....ahhhh i can breathe!

I don't hate my husband yet but I'm certainly on the way. I'm 52 and I've only been married to him two years. I was a widow. Darn I've got company

I am living with a hatred man; can't leave because of economy

I hate my husband too. He is selfish, self-serving, obnoxious, mood-swings, manipulative and he is a leach. He is lazy, argumentative and completely out of control. have stayed in this hell primarily for our kids, I did not want them to grow up in a broken home. I am counting the days until the youngest turns 18 so I can bail out of this hell of a marriage. I keep hoping he will drink himself to death, but so far no luck.

I hate my husband also. When he's drunk, he's mean, destructive, and his new thing is accusing me of having a boyfriend. He acts like a petulant 10 yr old. When he's drunk he smells, he walks and talks differently and I can't stand it anymore. We have been married for almost 23 yrs and he has been getting worse after two detoxes and three rehabs. We have three kids that are now 22, 17 and 16 and they can't stand his drunkeness either. They are ok with him when he's not drinking, but he has been drunk this whole week and my 17 yr old told him he wasn't welcome at his graduation this past Saturday. He didn't go, and it was a relief. I am done with the loneliness and the neglect, and his 'remorse' when he runs out of booze. He can't find work because of the economy here, he was on disability because he had pancreatitis so badly 8 yrs ago that he was in the hospital for five months. He was sober for one year after that. Then three years ago I called the cops when he was drunk and threatened suicide and was grabbing for his handgun, he ended up in the psych hospital for a day while they evaluated him, then in the addiction ward for two weeks. He was good for four months after he got out. He has puncked holes in the walls and bedroom door and broken flowerpots, etc. He was even drinking on Antabuse, didn't get sick, just got very flushed in the face. He has stolen cash from my purse, from his kids' rooms, taken checks from our joint account, from my single account that the grocery store cashed somehow, stolen beer from his brother's fridge, has run up credit cards buying booze, has bottles hidden all over, etc. Of course his claim while he's drinking is that everyone hates him and no one wants him around, etc. Well, duh, not when he's a drunk! He says he's not interested in anything, just wants to sit and die. I tell him he can go die in a shelter, he can't stay here anymore. His mom doesn't even want him to move in with her. The problem is that his name is on the house too. I will have to divorce him even though I can't afford a lawyer, so I can get a judge to have him removed. In this state, I think I will prevail because I'm the one working and I can pay the mortgage and I have two minor kids that shouldn't have to be displaced. I can't stand the emotional stress, and I can't risk my boys getting in a physical altercation with him when he is in a 'mood', and them getting in trouble because of his stupidity.