I Hate Him...

Hi viewers... I'm pregnant, hurt, lost, disrespected and alone... why? I was involved and thought that I was in love with this coward loser... I should have known he didn't give a crap about me because we have been hot and cold for the last six years...you couldn't tell me I didn't love him and had his crazy bipolar *** on a pedestal... I took all his disrespect from the name calling to the out of the blue I can't mess with you crap...it hurt so much but I was desperate to be and for him to love me... I'm not going to lie, I messed up one time but he was still dealing with me, some would say, Leading me on or just getting a peace but I was being really stupid. Well anyhow Apr/May rolls around and we find ourselves together again, having a lot of unprotected sex, frenchn, talkn about babies and all..I get pregnant and I thought he would want it because we never made it to the stage where we just didn't use condoms and That was what he wanted. Now I'm pregnant and he hates me and the baby he hasn't wanted anything to do withUs... its like we don't exist...he ignores calls, msgs and emails... I finally got fed up after almost three months and went to his home, he was not pleasant, the first time I left crying because of His attitude and the second well was a big blowout, he was grossed out by my tummy and kickd me out, we argued and that led to other things, bad words, mustard,ketchup, relish thrown everywhere...I guess I'm done with wanting and hoping for his acceptance....I feel so dumb for getting prenant but I love my baby...I'm all cried out but still really confused why baby and I are not important and he can easily turn his back....I hate his guts!!!
irre irre
1 Response Sep 25, 2011

Run as far and as fast as you can. It only gets worse from here unless they are willing to get help for their mental issues. I say this because I was exactly in your shoes two years ago. I ran into a man that I jad known back in high school one night when I was out with a friend of mine. A one night stand led to dating and two months later.....pregnant!!!! Needless to say he accussed me of carrying someone else's child the entire time, called me names, said f*** that baby!, and anything ugly under the sun that he could muster. He claims that he only did this because he overheard me telling another guy that I wasn't planning on marrying him. Why would I? This isn't the 50's, and people do not really get married for the sake of children any longer, and I hardly knew him (which really makes an argument for the whole "wait before you sleep with him" idea). Plus, he drinks...alot. I drink too, but not to the extreme. I am more of a social drinker.<br />
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Anyway, I stayed and kept telling myself that he would be fine once he got the paternity test and saw that the child was his. I was supportive of him getting one because I wanted him to know that this child belonged to him most definitely.He got the sample behind my back, while I went to the store, which I thought was pretty crappy. I do not like the idea of a "hostile" party hovering over my son and swabbing whatever hole he could stick a q-tip in. He got the results back and announced it like I should be happy about it. Nope, not one bit...more like offended.<br />
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His treatment of me stayed the same. He told me I was fat, stupid, lazy, a bad mother, yadda, yadda. I suffered horribly from depression during the pregnancy and from post partum for about a year after the pregnancy. I left for a little while after the "baptism blow up," I call it. He decided that the night the child was baptized he would go out drinking with a friend, came home drunk again, and I lost it. I started throwing whatever I could at him, and he threw me in front of my child.<br />
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I moved out. We have been in intensive couseling both seeing therapists together as a couple and separately. I still loathe him. He still tells me what I need to be doing to lose weight, what kind of job to get, how to look.....but now I just smile, pour another soda, crack open a small bag of chips (because I really do want to lose weight, I only watch my calories when he is not around - so that I do not have to look like I am being affected by what he says...I have 6lbs to go before reaching pre-preg weight).<br />
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Girl, all I am saying is you can do bad all by yourself. You will share your home with your husband and child, so make sure that it is a home of love, stability, and security - because yuor home is your refuge against the outside world. Make it a place of peace.