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My Dbbd

It's not that I don't like him, I don't care anymore. I'm not bitter, I'm not hurt, I'm not anything where he's concenred. Why let your DBBD (Dead Bead Baby Daddy) **** you off so much? Let it go. If he doesn't want to pay child support, screw it. If he doesn't want to be a father to the kids, screw it. Let him go. He's the one missing out the most. If you're wanting child support, don't negotiate w/ him, do the legal things and let them deal with it. If he doesn't want to pay, let them deal with it. Don't rely on child support to "get you through it" work hard, get a second job, make friends w/ good people that can help out or trade out child care with you. It will be better for your kid(s) in the long run to see you working your *** off for them instead of channelling that anger toward someone who just isn't worth it. As far as your kid(s) are concerned, he's got to answer to them, not you. Your hard work, constant being there for them, that will go a long way with them. believe me.

My son's father? Loser, but oh well, I picked him so I can't ***** about it that much, it's my fault. That's the guy I chose to be the father of my child. 3 affairs and 3 states later, I left. Wasn't worth it. If that's the man that he was going to be, that was not the role model I wanted for my son. He made about 6-10k a month and my son was entitled to over $1600 a month in child support. I requested full custody, his concern was child support. I didn't even ask for it. A man shouldn't be told to financially support his child(ren). Now, I don't have to ask him for anything. I can move where ever I want with MY son, I can raise him how I see fit. My son doesn't have to fly half way across the country for holidays and miss his friends during the summer. More than anything, I will never have to answer to my son. He sees and remembers all the extra hours of over time I've done, for him. He was there to celebrate the promotions and raises I've received at work, for him. He knows that his needs come before mine and that means everything to me. The last thing I told my DBBD was "One day, my son is going to come looking for you. And if I raised him right, he will want to. But he will find a lonely, broken down, bitter old man. And he won't care to have a life with you." So choose well ladies. Think really hard before you sleep with someone. You might have to deal with him for the rest of your life. Remember, a box of condoms is a lot cheaper than a family lawyer :)
breelee72 breelee72 36-40, F 3 Responses May 15, 2012

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Hey ladies, I would love it if you would check out my blog. It's about my past life as a single mom, my current life as a wife &amp; a few things in between! :)<br />
<br />
http://zakialacey.blogspot.com

Bree THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!! I'm going through a really hard and confusing time right now and your words are really comforting and motivating....

Well said!!! I am happy to say that I am finally at this point in life. I let go and let God! I am no longer trying to fight hard for a child who has it all. F him! :)<br />
<br />
ZakiaLacey.blogspot.com

What I want to know is how do I actually get to that point? What steps should I take... I'm so angry... I don't want to be though...

Honestly, I was scared into this corner. I had to decided what scared me more, raising my son on my own or watching him grow into his father. As scared as I was to do this on my own, I knew that in the long run, my son would be a better person for it. I moved to a state where I didn't know anyone, went to the state and got a little help (even though I qualified for everything, I accepted WIC and daycare assistance), got a job, entry level, worked my way into management. My son and I started out in a small studio apartment, saved my $$ until I got a promotion and moved into a bigger apartment. You need to have a good support system with family and friends. If you don't (like I didn't) you make one, if you can't, screw it, work hard, join mommy and me groups. Offer to watch their kids in trade for watching yours (be very choosy though, these are you babies). When the DBBD sees that there is no fight coming at him anymore 1 of 2 things will happen, he will grow up and help or he will go away. Hopefully, he will go away. I know that it's hard and it's scary but it works out in the long run. My son and I are so close and I love him more than anything. I know that he knows mom is there 100% and always will be. When he gets older, I'll be the one that he knows he can lean on for anything and everything. To me, THAT'S better than a child support check. I have my son's love, he's got my son's pity.