He's Abhorrent And Thankfully Absent, But I Have A Problem.

My Iranian birth father met my Slovenian mother when they were very young, first gen Australians. They fell in love very fast and Mum even was in the process of converting to Islam to marry him.

When my mother told him that she was pregnant with me, he wanted her to get an abortion. They split, but made up quite suddenly one day. He told her he loved her and hoped she "Had not done what he had wished". She said there was no way she would have.

A few days later he was charged with multiple gang rapes, theft and drug possession and use...shattering my mother's heart. They kept in touch and she even allowed him to name me. Once I was free to leave hospital, she visited jail with me. He disowned me when he found out I had Cerebral Palsy....but it gets weird now.

Long story short... I was raised Mediterranean/ Roman Catholic. My mum met and married the Italian man I call my Dad (he adopted me). For fourteen years I was unaware that he was not my biological father and was not upset knowing the truth. Dad is strict, but tries his best. We have a tense relationship.

A few years ago, I learn that my birth father has been calling my maternal grandmother since all of this happened. I am so angry.

Last year, my half sister contacted me by showing up at grandmother's house...with a picture of me and my paternal aunt at my first birthday. What?

She thinks her father was just a petty thief. I like her and her brother and sister seem lovely, but what do I do now?

TheWomanWhoDid TheWomanWhoDid
2 Responses Jan 8, 2013

Lame :(

Wow! That is pretty intense. I wouldn't blame you a bit for protecting yourself by keeping your instance fom your biological father. His actions would make me want to insulate the world I live in and that of the family I love from the likely drama that would come from any association with him. Your half sister on the other hand had nothing to do with the pain your dad inflicted on your family. If she wants to reunite, I would set some boundaries and open myself to the experience. It could end up a great thing for you both. I wish I had a sibling.

I text her sometimes, but the conversation always gets stuck because I have to fight myself so I don't tell her about her father.

Secrets like that are best told. They become wedges that split people apart. My brother does not know what our dad did to me.
I've tried to tell him. He doe not want to know, is what he said. It's split us apart.

I can't really handle being close to people anyway, so it's ok.

I will try. I am sorry for your pain.

It's ok.

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