What's So Special About Birthdays?

I never really liked my birthday. Since I was 8, I never thought my birthday was anything special. I remember leaving in the middle of "my" party, and hanging out in my bedroom. I don't remember why I was so upset; I just knew that I didn't want to see anybody.

But as I got a little older, I remember that I'd wait until it was midnight, til it was technically my birthday, then I would start to cry. It became that way for next few years. I started to realize that I hate people fussing over me, especially when I think I don't deserve it.

I was reading this manga (Land of the Blindfolded), and one of the characters hated his birthday so much, he tried so hard to forget about it. It actually worked for a while. I was actually inspired by this. I tried very hard not to think about my birthday. But it doesn't work that way, for me anyways. So I tried something else, which frustrated my parents so much...

I'd tell them not to do anything special for my birthday. No eating out. No presents. Nothing. Just a regular dinner, like there was nothing special about it. And that actually worked for that year. My parents would ask me why I was behaving that way. And I would be indifferent, and say the same, "I don't think it's a big deal" thing.

So yeah, til this day I still wonder why people fuss about birthdays. So you're another year older. It's the day you were born... big deal? I never thought there was anything wrong with thinking this way. Weird, right?

CatsGrowl CatsGrowl
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 9, 2012

I know exactly how you feel. I hate it and try to prevent anyone from knowing. I'm generally a happy person but on my day I mostly feel anger, hate, sadness and depression. Every time I hear that phrase, "Happy B******" it is like I'm being prodded by a hot iron, I can almost feel the physical sting. Part of it stems from a childhood I hated, but even then I can't totally put a finger on it. This year I've gotten more ballsy and successfully asked people to forget about it and they respected my wishes. On that day I just feel awful.

One thing that sucked was at my new job I was going to tell them to leave it alone but there is a woman who is good at baking. By hiding my day it would deprive my coworkers of good baking. So generously I said she could bake. I NOW REGRET THAT DECISION TREMENDOUSLY.