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My Birthday Is Always a Sad Day For Me

i turn 22 tomorrow (april 3rd) and its just a day im absolutely just not looking forward to. I havent had a birthday party since i was 5 years old. my birthdays after that just seemed insignificant to others. my whole life ive been to birthday parties of my friends and relatives and the celebrants seem to always get the attention they deserve and remain to be "the life of the party". they have their close friends and family showing that they care about them and provide all joyous feelings in the parties, not forgeting the presents of course. ive even helped plan birthday parties to really close friends to show how much i cared about them. the very sad thing about all of it is that ive never received this kind of treatment since my 5th birthday party. its part of human nature that everyone wants to feel appreciated. honestly, ive never felt appreciated on my birthday. ill only get a birthday greeting from my mom, my sister, and at the most, only 1 friend. ive realized that most of the people i know just happened to have more important things to be concerned about than my own birthday. trust me, ive always dreamed about having a surprise birthday party where i get a ton a presents and everyone sings happy birthday, along with an awesome birthday cake. ive never had it, and it still breaks my heart. i believe the everyone i know is stuck in their own world and would rather stay that way than to set aside time to celebrate my birthday with me. i dont know why is that, im guessing im just not of any importance in that manner. even my own boyfriend doesnt plan on what he will do on this special day. this sounds bad, but he would rather spend the day watching nascar or worrying on getting his car fixed (thats what hes been doing for the past week). he hasnt mention or thought about how we will celebrate it. whenever my birthday approaches, it becomes such a painful thought instead of an exciting event. i always wish that i can feel appreciated on my birthday. as i turn 22, ive decided to try to make a change. as no one really cares about the day i entered the world, ive decided to spoil myself a little, just to make up for all the lonely birthdays ive had all these years. possibly a shopping spree, or a trip to the spa!

flippychic flippychic 18-21, F 8 Responses Apr 2, 2009

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It's my birthday and I hate it too. I'm turning 21 and I'm supposed to be having the time of my life but for some reason each year that goes by I feel more and more depressed. I hate this day... I don't like it that people have to wish you "happy birthday" and show somehow how much they like you this day specifically. I feel alone... I just hate this feeling of having a whole day about me and having to worry about gathering friends family and friends. I just want the day to end and people are trying to make it longer somehow... I'm 21 and I don't really have much going on for me. This day just serves to remind me that I'm a mess and I'm screwing things up. Each year I push more people away somehow. It's my specialty I guess. I wonder how many years it will take untill I have nobody left. Doesn't matter what I do it always turns out this way. People just leave me and my birthday is just there to remind me of how lonely I really am...
This day is just an act I have to put in front of people while faking some sort of hapiness from being brought into this mess of a world. I feel like I have to show them I am happy. I'm not. I appreciate their effort but I would rather pass the day all alone away from everybody... Not even my friends seem to be looking forward to hang out with me ... They wish me a great day but they don't want to be part of it... This day is just here to remind me of how little I matter to anyone. These days every 21 old has a girlfriend or a boyfriend and friends to hang out with the whole day and night. I have myself only apparently. I wonder how many birthdays to come that I will have to endure this.

My birthday is Dec. 29th. For as long as I can remember, I have been disappointed and depressed during this time. The older I get the longer the stretch. It seems to begin just after Thanksgiving now. I feel this blanket of heaviness overcome me and the closer I get to Christmas, the heavier it becomes.

I think the culprit is just he season and SAD....as well as having expectations based on my on contribution to my world. My birthday is the only special day there is to me. I don't care much about New Year's, Valentines, Mother's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving or Christmas. If I do nothing, get nothing or say nothing during these holidays, I am quite alright with it. But since I was a little girl I remember getting one gift at Christmas that had a card attached "Happy Christmas, Merry Birthday". I never got to be special or feel special or have a special day. I had to share with Jesus and my sister (her birthday is Jan 2).

I have always wanted...no..I have always needed to be in front, on stage, holding the mic. I want to feel special. Not once in all the years I have been alive, has my birthday met my expectations. Now that I am married with 2 children, I am even more disappointed because these people are supposed to know how important this is to me. But I always seem to get the short end of the stick. Something thrown together at the last minute from my husband. Sometimes not even a card from my children (17 and 9 still at home).

Last year I rose to a feeling of utter nothingness. I felt like I didn't matter to anyone in the world. I got up early in the morning and dressed myself as beautifully as I could with full makeup, hair, 5 inch heels, the whole 9. I went downtown (I live in Stuttgart, DE) and shopped. I bought everything I thought I wanted and nothing that I could afford. I was punishing all those people who didn't bother to say Happy Birthday to me that day. I was punishing my husband and my children. I didn't come home until well after 9pm, having been gone all day long. When I got home, my husband said we had dinner plans. What? I hate surprises. He knows that. I didn't want to go to dinner. I didn't want to be around him or anyone else for that matter. Then he said there were people waiting for me. I was livid. I changed, went and saw 3 people waiting at the table for me. They were acquaintances, not friends. It felt like he had scraped the bottom of the barrel trying to find someone at the last minute to celebrate with him. I sat at the table, trying to put on a happy face and just started balling. I mean the Celie cry with full regalia and snot! I couldn't stop I felt so ugly, so unappreciated, so much like nothing. I apologized and caught myself a cab home.

That is not an unfamiliar feelings. And this year...it's the 24th already. I'm about to go to a party and I can feel the feelings starting to shift. In 5 days, I will be 45 years old. What have I accomplished? Why am I still in this situation? What a waste. Who cares about me? Anybody? And the emotions spiral until the 29th when the culminate and I am crying until midnight, after which there is no chance that anybody gave a damn at all on the day that was supposed to be set aside for me.

I told everyone that my birthday was Dec 1-Jan 15, 45 days for 45 years. I was making up for all those birthdays of unhappy tidings. I said I would buy myself a gift everyday. And I did up until about the 17th of December. Then I got no more joy from buying things. I really wanted a relationship...a love...a newness of some sort that can't be bought. I promised myself I would get dressed up everyday and go out to place myself on exhibit. I wanted to prove that I wasn't invisible or insignificant to the world. I fixed my hair every day. I put on the new shoes or carried the new purse I'd bought. I sprayed my most expensive perfume and I strutted. At the end of the day, I felt good....well I felt like I had tried. But now...just 5 days out, I feel awful. No one noticed me. No one stopped to tell me how lovely I was. I didn't meet anyone new. People stared. I saw them, but no one said a word. They stared because they thought me hideous perhaps? Nope....nothing seems to be working. Looks like another year's disappointment

Heavy sigh....364 days to this very spot again next year.

Seems like every year instead of being happy.... I spend my birthday crying....alone.... and truly unhappy. My whole life I've never had a birthday party.... A cake... or presents..... Im not even sure how I would react if someone did throw me a party.... sometimes I just think what's the point in living another year.... I hate my life and everyone in it.

I guess im the only one here who enjoys being in the background instead of being the center of the attention. I curse at people when they wish me a happy birthday i hate it and theres no sadness into it.because inside me i know i didnt ask myself to be brought in this **** world i had enough experience. Congretulate me of what birthday thats no acheivment. God! Grow up!

No one is reading this anymore I am sure, but I am so with you. It is my birthday, and though I have admittedly shut people out a bit recently, I confess that I am so disappointed that I have been home, alone, in my house all day. Well, my dog and I have been here all day, but he doesn't know what a birthday is......anyways.....Guess I'll get back to surfing the web (yay,,,,,). Here's hopinng birthdays get outlawed soon, <br />
Meg

Happy Birthday, fellow Pisces ...xo

Hi Flippychic,<br />
<br />
In 4 days time is my birthday and after typing in "People who hate their own birthdays" into Google I found this website and your experience.<br />
<br />
I feel like you have just described everything I feel when my birthday comes up. I've only had one birthday party ever - my 9th, which was not even that great. Like you, I am always helping and participating in other people's birthday parties and have always dreamed of having one of my own surprise parties. I haven't had my own cake in over 10 years and my parents have forgotten my birthday for 5 years in a row.<br />
<br />
I cry myself to sleep every time.<br />
<br />
I can absolutely understand what you are/were going through and I am DREADING what is about to come in four days... My own strategy to try and solve the pain is to pretend I never had a birthday - I mean, since no one will remember my birthday, maybe I shouldn't either. I think it will take a lot of stress away.<br />
<br />
If this doesn't work, I hope keeping the thought that you are not the only one going through this and there are many (like I) who are with you might help. It may seem weird, but I suppose our suffering connects us and may make you feel better in that way. For me, after reading your experience, I feel that I am not alone in this and for that, I thank you.<br />
<br />
I wish you all the best of luck and I sincerely hope that your dream party will happen. HAPPY (late) BIRTHDAY!

nobody is probably checking this blog any more, but i hate my birthday too. i feel the same way you do as well but i dont want to have a surprise birthday, i just want ppl to just be there and it just sucks cause they don't. it also sucks that when i was 14 my best friend in the world was killed 6 months to the day on form his birthday it sucks not having him around and now being 8 almost 9 years without him i feel like crap on my birthday. i wish you the best on yours and hope that thing will get better for you. maybe one day your boyfriend will get off his lazy *** and give you what you truly want and need as a human.. compasion. im sure you do things with friends on his birthday, so he should let all of your friends know that you are having a birthday.. i wish this and much more for you hope this year will be loads better..

Happy birthday to you! <br />
Don't be sad, people grow up simultaneously being more lonely, but love yourself and peole around you.