I Really Hate Myself

I was pretty thin as a kid.  I started to gain a little weigt when I got engaged, then gained more when I had babies.  In 2001 I had gastric bypass and lost 120lbs.  I was elated, happy, overjoyed, so so thrilled.  Then I had an accident and had 2 back surgeries and gained "some" weight.  Then in 2008 I had a hysterectomy and gained more.  Now I'm 60lbs heavier and feel like a failure!  I hate the way I look and the way I feel.  I've started "hurting" myself.  Not scratching myself, but interfering with healing of wounds type stuff.  I've also started to drink more.  I'm a mess. Part of it is the menopause.  It makes me miserable!!  I just start sweating profusely sometimes and it is embarassing.  I wish I could get the bypass done again, but most dr's don't do it.  I just want to feel like I felt in 02 when I was down 120lbs.  I suffer from depression and constant back pain.  I hate my legs, they have veins showing and are fat.  I hate my stomach, it hangs over.  I really don't want to live like this anymore.
jessej jessej
46-50
Jul 17, 2010