Fat, Fat, Fat.

I wasn't always like this.

Up until fourth grade, I was thin and happy and content with myself. Then, without notice, I got fat. It felt like I woke up one day with chubby thighs and a pudgy stomach and a dimpled ***, but I know that it didn't. I began a war against my body, dieting gradually at first [but really, does a 10-year-old really know how to diet? No.], but always going back to my old ways of pigging out. In the midst of my family's chaotic state [my mother iswas an alcoholic], I began to eat more and more and more, and eventually, I ended up being 5'0' and 120lbs. I was monumental by the time I was in Grade 7, and I loathed every inch of my body.

Then, the summer before Grade 8, I began to puke. It was a wonderful feeling, knowing that all the things I'd binged on could come up again so easily. I was having my cake and eating it, too. I entered Grade 8 10lbs lighter [which I would eventually put back on, and more], and major issues with food, my body, and all around, me.

My parents divorced. I'm 5'1' now, 130lbs. I'm considered overweight on the BMI scale, and I know that a 14-year-old girl should not look like this. She should also not be totally hateful about her body and herself. I'm now getting to be happy with the help of my psychiatrist, and the puking has stopped but my laxative abuse has begun. I'm obsessed with being thin and I'm destroying myself in the process.  

Oliviiaxx Oliviiaxx
13-15, F
Jul 26, 2010