I'm A Woman, I Hate Looking Like A Man. I Hate My Body So Much.

I'm 22, female, white.

I think I have one of the worst bodies out there.  I'm thin, and I like being thin, so that's the one thing I enjoy about my body (other than the fact that aside from stomach issues I am healthy).  You know what I hate?

Small boobs. Ribcage is 26", boobs are 33" at their biggest
Wide waist. My waist is 24" at its smallest...which would be narrow if my hips and boobs weren't so miniscule...I look like a boy.  I wish it were 21".
36" hips/butt. aka, no butt at all.
I'm 5'5", which I like, but I have the shortest legs and the longest torso, totally disproportionate.
I do not look female.  I mean, technically you can tell I'm a woman because I do have SOME boobs, but people always think I'm an A or B cup.

The funny thing is, I don't judge others so harshly.  I don't think all A or B cup women are "boyish" and I figure that even if they are, they're pretty or confident and they can pull it off.  But if my body is not perfect, it's disgusting to me.  I have a boyfriend who is amazing and I love him so much.  I know he loves me too and he always tells me he loves my "big boobs" and "big butt".  BUT I HAVE NEITHER!  I don't know if he's making it up, or if he just doesn't see reality.  I'm so scared that if I have to breastfeed I will lose the tiny amount of boob that I have and he will be grossed out.  He says this won't happen but I'm worried.  Sometimes I wish I was a fat hourglass because at least then I'd have reassurance that I am a female.  I worry all the time that people are laughing at how boyish I am and how small my boobs are.  Even more pathetic- I'm already on birth control, and lifting my weight in the gym.  If my butt and boobs were going to get bigger, it would have happened by now.

I especially hate this because I love my boyfriend so much, and I don't want to lose him because of my anxiety, nor do I want to lose him to a girl who actually looks like a girl.  I measure my body almost every day and I spend a lot of time googling women's bodies and seeing where I match up.  I used to love my body, too, I don't know what happened.  I should point out I have OCD and a therapist once said I had BDD...but the things I'm seeing are REAL, and they are things that i get made fun of for, so it's not like I'm making them up.
embarrassed89 embarrassed89
2 Responses May 14, 2012

I know how you feel. I go through the same thing everyday of my life. I used to be quite happy with my body. I'm 5'5", I have long arms and long legs, but there is no shape to my body. No boobs... I don't even need a bra. No hips. I guess my butt could be worse, but it's not anything special. No one would ever look at me and think "wow she has a great butt."

I'm white. & all of my fiancé's other romantic interests before me were somewhat voluptuous and nicely shaped black women. This makes me feel especially uncomfortable because I am none of those things. Not even close. I worry the same way... That he settled for me because he is really shy and never really got attention from a lot of girls and I gave him that attention and he just was like "okay I guess this will have to work."

I don't really know what to do to make myself feel better about myself.

I just wish I had a more "womanly" shape. Child bearing hips and breasts that fit into a real bra without gapping 4" inside the cups would be nice.

I hate my body so much I feel like crying myself to sleep half the time.

I wish I had some advice or helpful, uplifting words to share... But I don't. I just thought maybe I would let you know that you're not alone. :/

if you were really so disgusting and looked like a man you would NOT have a boyfriend.FACT.if a woman truly looked like a man there would be NO MAN on earth that would be attracted to her. i should know beacause i actually do look like a man, i have been called a tranny and shemale on multiple occassions by COMPLETE STRANGERS. so be thankful that your not me.