Why?

I hate my body. I know I shouldn't. There's this part of my brain that knows that I'm underweight, it knows that I'm not at a healthy weight. It knows that it's sick that I don't even get my period anymore. But the rest of my brain sees my body, which is at a BMI of 16.9, as a horrible, fat blob. When I look in the mirror, I see nothing but fat. Sometimes, I feel okay with my body and I'm happy for a time. But eating ruins these feelings almost immediately. I look down at my legs which ooze out as I sit down with disgust. I know that it's sick how much I exercise and how I'm STILL trying to lose weight. I'm afraid that I'll never be happy with myself. My goal weight keeps getting lower. Right now, I'm 5'8 and I want to weigh 105 lbs with a BMI of 16. I know that when I reach this, it will change. I don't want this life, but my brain does.G
gingerlovergirl gingerlovergirl
18-21
2 Responses May 20, 2012

i know how you feel..<br />
you just have to take this whole thing off your mind :) meet new people have fun do something new, learn to play an instrument or something :) i know its hard but you cant live like this you know you hate it...talk to a friend :) find something about yourself that you like for example eyes or hair :) spend time on your hair do cool stuff with it and all :) or if u like your eyes do your make up...make your eyes stand out :)

You must connect with others like you. There are ways to overcome if youlisten to that intelligent part of you that knows that you need help.<br />
There are resources for anorexia , bulemia , or the like.<br />
Myself , I used to drink. Now I go to aa. Been sober almost 2 years.<br />
You can beat your problem too if you reach out!<br />
In my program , we say the help is here/ there for those that want it , not necessarily for those that need it. In other words you have to want it OR else go back to your misery. You must choose. Have you hurt enough yet?<br />
Good Luck , and best wishes.

Thank you for commenting! I have gotten help and I technically eat "enough". I've been to the doctor to talk about it and all that...but it's so hard to beat!

Hang in there girl! :)