Still Not Enough

I've battled with my weight since I was about eight. My heaviest was 220, and my cup size has barely ever been a B, so I've always felt very disproportionate. For a long I didn't allow myself to criticize my body, but as of late I just can't help it. I look very different from my older siblings, to the point where I feel ashamed that they have to be seen with me in public. They're all so thin, and beautiful, and they look so good in their clothes. Add on to the fact that people don't even think were related, because I'm so much darker them, since they're pure Italian, and I'm just their mixed mutt half sister... It really screws with me, y'know? Since I've been berating myself with these thought, I've recently forced myself to lose weight in an undesirable fashion. I've lost 60lbs, and have gone down from a size 13 to 4. Even though I've lost all this weight, I still have a gut, and now I'm completely flat chested. It's horrible, it's like I'm never allowed to be satisfied with myself. I can't even be intimate in a relationship, because I just KNOW they're not going to like what they see. I know what my body looks like, they don't.