I Try

i try to feel comfortable in my own skin, but it just doesn't work. i have a birth mark that covers more than half my body. i won't wear shorts...ever! i walk with a limp that causes people to ask questions, and my hand is impossible to cover. everyday i face my body and usually through the eyes of questioning others. my face doesn't have a birthmark, which i am extremely grateful for, but instead i have horrible acne. that's all the stuff with the outside appearence. now for the resentment i have toward my body for not functioning correctly either. i also have birthmarks on some of my organs, including my esophogus, bladder, colon, and ovary's, that's all we know of so far. i always have an upset stomach, my periods are hell, and my veins don't work right either. i'm fat, well, i look pregnant, and get asked all the time, but because of my damn body, i can't even have kids! i have to wear support hose because my veins function like those of an 80 year old woman, and i'm in pain all the time. whew...i think that's about it. sorry this came out as a jumbled mess, i'm kinda of angry about my body and i have a hard time expressing that. thank you for listening though, and i do try very hard to look past it and be grateful it's not worse. but it is truly hard.

scooper scooper
26-30, F
2 Responses Feb 26, 2009

katmcd, thank you so much! that was so uplifting!

Hey Scooper - <br />
<br />
I feel like a jerk actually because I too hate my body and can't bear to look in the mirror at myself naked. But it's obvious you've had a much harder time and frankly you should be angry. Why should you have to go through this crap! Everyone has obsticles in their lives but that doesn't make you (or me) feel any better does it? It sounds like you've been dealt a really lousy hand and for you it's not just wishing to look better but your health is at risk as well. For which I'm truly sorry that you're going through that. I wish that I had some advice for you. All I can say is that you're probably so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Strength is a different kind of beauty and you probably have that in spades. It can't be easy to deal with your issues and the questioning looks and judgements from other people. It's good that you're able to vent your anger even if it's just anonomously on this site. It may not be easy, but stay strong sista your strength and heart will get you through.