I just look at myself and see this gross ugly mess, nothing about me is desirable. how could anybody look at this and like it?
I avoid mirrors. I hate having to look at myself in the shower, I hate seeing my scars on my body. I have fought with the doctors for too long about how they need to fix me. It's there fault I'm in the state I'm in. I hate every part of me to my very core.
BulletproofLoneliness BulletproofLoneliness
18-21, F
3 Responses Aug 17, 2014

You're young. Whatever you do, you need to nip this way of thinking in the bud. Now. Before it becomes a permanent thought process. Part of looking good is feeling good. No one needs to have the best body nor the prettiest face to feel good. No, you need to know what your own self worth is. You need to hold on to that self worth. You have a lot to offer to anyone who choose to be your friend, your boyfriend, your lover. If you have no sense of self worth, you'll become a target for predators who will make you feel wonderful and special but who's only purpose in life would be to use and abuse you.

This is truly beautiful

Thank you. However, I'm speaking from experience. I spent decades being afraid of the mirror. Whenever I would open the door to my car, I would do so with my back turned so I wouldn't have to look at my own reflection. The truth is that I have nothing to be ashamed of. No good reason to have hated myself the way I did. I just hated myself due to an upbringing of being told I was very unattractive, being told I had no value to anyone, being told of how despicable I was.

Through six years of therapy, I learned that I'm not a bad person. I learned to love myself. I learned I have so much potential, so much value to anyone who chooses to enter my life.

It's sad that I waited nearly 25 years to learn those life lessons. The very life lessons you need to be instilling in yourself right now. If anything, take this one lesson from me. I did a lot of stupid things due to low self esteem. Some of the stupidity I engaged in has lifetime ramifications. Believe me, you don't want to live your life hating who or what you are. Never attribute so much power to another human being that they destroy the very fabric of who you are. Learn to stand proud and hold your head high knowing you're worth the time and effort to do so.

Hey bullet,
I can totally understand where you are coming from. I come from a background of hardcore verbal and physical abuse. To the point where I had the perception that I was worthless, unwanted and unloved by all. The fact that you are waking up everyday alive and breathing counts for something. (:!

I really appreciate your positivity, although it's hard to see why being alive is a good thin right now haha but thank you none the less

Really ..why