Pickles?

I am a pickle in a jar. I'm trapped inside my body. Although I look similar to my peers; the same as the pickles floating amongst me; inside I am different. I taste different, I look different and until you take the time to eat me you will not understand. I have been experiencing anorexic tendencies for the past couple months and done that with a combination of different dieting pills. I feel like a failure, I am constantly teased within my household and I no longer want to consult my friends for help so these past months of dieting have been done discretely. I want to talk to someone but I feel like I'm a burden. My family, the people that are always supposed to be there for you, are the ones that are making me feel the worst. My sister is 5'3 and weighs 115lbs, I am 5'4 and weigh 127. People are always commenting how beautiful she is and how tiny she is and I'm envious.The only time I am visible within my family is I'm being made fun of. They don't understand why I hate being home. I'm 18 years old and I hate my body. Is there anyone out there who wants to help me or have been where I'm at? How did you lose the weight?

trytolovemyself trytolovemyself
18-21, F
8 Responses Mar 1, 2010

Lol Thanks that did make me feel better, and yeah I think I do stuff like this just so I have control over something in my life when things seem to be going wrong. And yeah my OCD is way worse when I stress out. It feels good that you can relate to me, so thank you for that. I'm not always like manically depressed lol I was just having a bad day yesterday so it all seemed to come pouring out when I got the chance. But thanks to everyone, Im feeling much better :)

By the way, I love pickles :)

I agree with Jonny, Don't feel so bad about yourself. You, to me, sound like a great weight and height, so don't worry about that. Do you feel that it's coming from you feeling that you need to control something in your life? Your sister sounds like a Btch so don't worry about her at all, just do everything in your power to become better than her in life. Something that I am still learning for myself is that you really need to try to learn to love yourself because in the end of the day that's the only person who should matter in concerns to your self image. Life can suck and I know that we all have different ways of coping but you can't allow this to be one of the ways that you cope. It's too destructive, you need to find something else to vent yourself on. Just to give you an idea, I use my OCD tenancies as a coping mecanism....this is really bad because it consumes your life and mind and YOU CAN NEVER GET AWAY FROM IT UNLESS YOU WORK VERY HARD TO TRULY MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY. If you need anyhelp just let me know alright?

I agree with Jonny, Don't feel so bad about yourself. You, to me, sound like a great weight and height, so don't worry about that. Do you feel that it's coming from you feeling that you need to control something in your life? Your sister sounds like a Btch so don't worry about her at all, just do everything in your power to become better than her in life. Something that I am still learning for myself is that you really need to try to learn to love yourself because in the end of the day that's the only person who should matter in concerns to your self image. Life can suck and I know that we all have different ways of coping but you can't allow this to be one of the ways that you cope. It's too destructive, you need to find something else to vent yourself on. Just to give you an idea, I use my OCD tenancies as a coping mecanism....this is really bad because it consumes your life and mind and YOU CAN NEVER GET AWAY FROM IT UNLESS YOU WORK VERY HARD TO TRULY MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY. If you need anyhelp just let me know alright?

weight is nothing, thats more fixable than height. being a short guy sucks big time, i would rather be you than be me, trust me. i think you sound more beautiful than you think. you have a nice height, and weight is fixable. just keep working out and not only you will lose weight, but your body will be more healthy, and as for your sister, i rekon that despite her looks, she has a terrible personality that i would not want to be with.

I should've mentioned that my sister is the absolute meanest person I know. We don't get along, she tells me she hopes I die on a continual basis and that I'm a waste of life. I wouldn't say that to my worst enemy let alone my family member. And i work out everyday so I don't have a problem with keeping the weight off, and I'm really happy I found this website cause I do feel alot better already just getting my story out there. So thank you guys

Being anorexic is pointless because after if you don't work out it will all come back...and so I've heard. But you don't sound fat. But I do understand what your going through. I was always made fun of in my own house and it's made me insecure outside and inside my own home. Please don't envy your sister, or try not to, one day you'll get really mad at her for something she can't control and you won't be close....and you should talk to your friends, or a counselor, sometimes people who are complete strangers are better to vent on then someone you know. : )

You don't sound fat at all. I'm sure you're beautiful in your own way, and there are people who will recognize that. Please don't hurt yourself trying to look better, it will only backfire on you.