I Absolutely Hate My Body

I have a sister who has never been any bigger then a size 1. The ironic thing is we are both compulsive eaters, it just shows on me. I'm 20 years old and I have always had weight issues. When I was in 10th grade I made the cheerleading team and it seemed like I went from 145 to 123 in a month and a half. ( Nothing unhealthy, just 3 hour cheering practices 4 to 5 times a week plus games as night) I was able to maintain that weight through out my junior year of high school ( which was when I graduated) when I turned 18 I met my current boyfriend and of course in a new relationship being young, i didn't want him to know that I eat ( even though that sounds so dumb) We moved in together and then shortly after I lost my job. That's when it all started coming back. With in two years I went from a size 7/9 to a 13/15. I've gained stretch marks in places I never knew they were possible. I hate looking at my self in the mirror. I hate standing next to my sister. I hate going shopping even if I pull a 15 i get thoughts in my head like "omg what if it doesn't fit, I can't even imagine going another size up. My mom is also extremely over weight as well, i love my mom but the last thing I want is to look like her. I just feel stuck!

lilmisunshine lilmisunshine
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 16, 2010

i have the same problem. i am 16 and am at the end of my junior year. in the past 2 1/2 years i have lost 50 pounds i was 178. i have battled with my weight since i can remember. i've always hated the way i look. i have stretch marks that come up from the inside of the tops of my thighs all the way up around my hips. i'm a size 7/9 in jeans in juniors and a m in shirts but i just hate my body. everytime i look in the mirror all i see is a fat,disgusting mess. i think i'm fat but everyone says i'm not. i have this fat pooch on my lower stomach that just makes me want to puke every time i see it. my weight now is 132. a couple months ago i was 125 i just want to go back there and get smaller. if i was 115 i would be happy. i hate standing by all the super skinny girls. i hate standing by my best friend. all i want to do is just take a pair of scissors and cut the fat off until my stomach is flat. my boyfriend is very built we just started going out about a month ago and he is wonderful he makes me feel so special and beautiful and like i'm the only girl that matters on this earth but when i'm away from him the self hate starts back up. at one point and time i could eat 1-2 times a day and be perfectly fine, but now i eat breakfast lunch dinner and at least 3 snacks and that just seems too much. i'm worried about gaining my weight back. even if i gain just 2 pounds it may seem like nothing to some people but to me it's everything. i just want to be a pretty skinny girl, to love myself, and my body. anyone have advice?

lilmissunshine, I understand your story. Although weight is controllable to a point, compulsive eating is just that...compulsive. You can't stop. I really feel like I have the same problem. It is absolutely the worst to eat the same as your sister or friend and end up gaining weight while they look exactly the same. Are you doing anything now to help with your weight issues? Support group? Diet/ exercise? I was just curious. I'm in no position to advise anything but your story sounds so familiar I was wondering what you are doing about it at this point.

I hate my body too, the only thing is that weight is controllable. Height isnt. I am a 20 yr old male and i am only 5 foot 6. I would rather be tall and fat than be short and thin. being a short man sucks because we get so much crap from society and we are the last ones to be picked by women. thats why i am thinking about height surgery and becoming 6 foot. but yeah, be happy that you are not short.