I am no longer happy about my body. Getting older is a drag if you look in the mirror. No longer the pretty skin which I was never really fond of as I always had freckles. When I was little I wanted them gone forever I told my Dad, I did not like freckles. He made up a concoction to get rid of freckles for me. It consisted of cod liver oil and crushed coal and pepper and raw eggs he told me if I drank it and put it on my skin they would go away. My Uncle and he smiled as he gave me the icky stuff. I drank and gagged and put some one my face then washed it off as directed. I waited all night queasy stomached and went to bed expecting all those freckles to be gone. I wake up in the morning look in the mirror no effect. He says, well guess that did not work you will just have to live with all those freckles maybe you can play connect the dots. He sort of giggled to himself. I had to except freckles were a part of me.
Now that I am older getting loose skinned and all the creepy stuff that happens extra hairs moles and firmness is leaving moisture needed I really do not like my skin. I won't wear short sleeves and do not let anybody see my body just trying to be as graceful about my age as possible. So three quarter length sleeves are my favorite. I have decided this year no more swim suits. I get told I have a good figure with curves in the right place. Its the spunky skin I lived in has turned on me. I lost twenty pounds, I did not need to loose, when we moved . I was working three jobs and moving and watching my Daughters children. I lost it real fast just used up all the energy I had during that time and passed out from exhaustion. I knew I was tired I just refused to quit because we needed to get moved and get it done. I thought no one saw how hard I was working until a neighbor came out while I was sweeping the driveway of the townhouse we were moving out of for the next tenant. She said I have been watching you move and I can not believe the amount of work you have done how fast you move, it would wear me out. I said ,yes I am tired .
My sister is an estatishion ( not sure I spelled that one right ) any way she works for a dermatologist surgeon. She has done a acid peel on my skin (face only) Kind of feels like a sunburn and peels, I lost my freckles from that for a short time and if I do not get in the sun they will stay gone. My hands I work in the garden and well they have had the spots removed only to appear again.
Now I am trying to eat more to gain back my lost weight but I am busy and I burn up the calories to fast to gain. I know I am lucky not to be to thin or to fat. I am just not going to complain about it and try to handle the new / old me. But I never really appreciated who I was when I was a young girl I thought I was ugly when in reality I was a beautiful girl/woman who had low self esteem. I have always thought more of others than myself. I have had people tell me how attractive I am and still and I tell them I do not have any money to pay them for the compliment but thanks for it. The point is we are all beautiful in many ways but we do not realize it. We all would like to be beautiful and rich or famous and even if we are all those things we will still have hang ups about this or that. Very few celebrities make it without messing up it seems. The path is wide but the door is narrow we must pass through and we all have our experiences to go through, trials. It is best not to think to much of our psychical body and think more on our spiritual for that will show through way before the beauty does as a permanent beauty for a life time. My Mom always said" pretty is as pretty does" So who we are not what. Doing everyday stuff for others with a sweet spirit and hard work not always easy, forgiving others not belittling them if we think ourselves more intelligent,being patient and finding joy in even the smallest of tasks . My great goal to let a good heart lead me and keep back the dark and never let it in or dwell on it as it only grows like anger fed will grow like a lion if we say I am angry and keep saying it we do not conquer it. I say take a whip to it and beat it back with the chair of understanding/ tolerance of ourselves and others. Droopy skinned I face the world with a attitude of I am trying everyday sometimes every hour. ( sticky key board really irritates and spell check won't work having to go over and over my space bar does not work right, another test small but a test )