My High School GraduationTomorrow is my high school graduation. My boyfriend is now telling me he will not go because I acted the wrong way today and he doesn't think I deserve it. I have a lot of built up resentment towards him and I feel as though this will just be another thing to add to that list. Everyday, more and more, I hate him. He is a bitter, angry, and selfish little boy. His attitude about everything is "F*** it, I'll just do whatever I want". He says that I expect too much from him and I treat him as though he is a puppet but the only things I have ever asked of him are respect and kindness.
The whole argument today was because I don't believe he is dividing up his time fairly between me and his friends. He goes out to a lot of parties and gets drunk and the next day wants to hang out with me, but he is too hungover and tired to want to get out of bed. He just wants to mope around and watch tv or movies when I would like to be out doing things. But as soon as I leave, he goes out to party with his friends again. And what do you know, he's hungover again the next day and who does he want to lay around in bed with?
This is why I deserve punishment? On a completely honest level, I have no idea why I am with him anymore. He makes me so angry and sad, far more than he makes me happy. His sense of humor is stupid, and he's not the most good looking guy I know. We have been together for a long time, and I think I have so much routine and comfort established with him and I don't want that gone. I really don't want to have to go through all the awkward and awful phases of dating again and I don't want to be alone. I don't want to start all over again, it's too much lonliness and I don't want to be lonely. I hate who my boyfriend has turned me into. I used to have a lot more self confidence, friends, and self respect and now I have none of that. I let him become my entire world and now I am suffering the consequences. I hate him so much, I honestly just wish he would die so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of knowing I am not with him just because I wasn't able to make it work.