I Feel Completely Insane...

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now.  I will admit, we absolutely rushed into our relationship.  But I felt so connected to him in the beginning, and he got me out of the house and socializing for the first time in a long time (I had moved to an entirely new area a year prior to meeting him).  We seemed to have so much in common, and were so in sync.  We never ran out of things to talk about.  Sure, he was kind of a jerk, but I could deal with that, because I liked him, and for the most part he was good to me.

I don't know when things changed, but somewhere along the way they did.  He started accusing me of being distant, and I honestly didn't know where that came from.  I did everything for him, literally.  His sister would always make fun of me for cowtowing to him the way that I did.  If he wanted something to eat, he got it.  If he wanted a back rub, he got it.  If he didn't feel like putting on his own shoes, he didn't have to.  I had never been so submissive in my life.  But at the time, I thought there was nothing wrong with the way I'd always let him walk all over me.  Even though I used to watch him flirt with a female friend all the time and he had another one that constantly texted him or called him who didn't even know he had a girlfriend.  -_-;

It got to the point where whenever I'd assume we were doing ok, he'd come up with some reason why we weren't.  He lets me go months on end thinking everything's fine, then comes up with some minor offense that I don't even remember comitting to make me feel guilty about my behavior.  He is always the one who decides when we're going through rough patches.  I'm always the bad guy.  He blames me for everything but when I call him on it tries to tell me he's not blaming for anything.  I don't understand it.  He calls me names and makes me feel stupid or beneath him constantly.  He's even hit me and been physical with me a few times.  When it first started I always questioned whether his behavior could be constituted as some form of abuse, but I always pushed the thought aside.

Now that I've started school, we barely see each other.  I'll ask him when he wants to see me, and he'll basically tell me he doesn't care.  If he doesn't care, then why should I?  He doesn't talk to me as much anymore, but recently he made some comment about me being "too busy for him".  What I don't understand is if I'm so terrible, why doesn't he just end it with me?  But I guess the same could be said of me.  The worst part is, I'm now talking to another guy who makes me feel wonderful.  He treats me like a princess and reminds me every day how beautiful I am when my own boyfriend can't even be bothered to tell me I look anything other than "nice" when asked.  I know I should feel guilty about this, but I don't.  I just can't bring myself to.  I don't even know what to do anymore...
xoiloveyou xoiloveyou
22-25, F
4 Responses Jul 24, 2010

Oh thank you SO much for posting your story - it resonates with me so much! Been realising for over a year now that my bf makes me feel totally unhinged, As I sit here crying over the man I've shackled myself to for the past three years it means the world to see that I'm not the only one. I've been to weak to get out until HE dumped me because I wouldn't pick him up in my car while I was cooking his supper when he could get a cab for a few quid! Just get yourself out of the situation NOW and enjoy your life and be happy. Don't be like me crying "But I love him!" whilst all my friends and family tell me he's no good. Have a great life. x

I'm to the same point with my boyfriend, except it's harder for me to get away because I'm 4 months pregnant. Ithink we are just together because it's familiar and comfortable, but we'renotin love with eachother anymore, if he ever even was in the first place. I wish I had enough courage to just leave him, but without him, then I really have nothing. Fortunetly for you, you have another guy you can transition to, to help get your mind off the jerk, I don't have any "back up" guys, or even friends to help me out. I say go with the nicer guy. At leased you're telling the jerk by being with someone else,that he pushed you too far, and that he took advantage of you, and took you for granit. And if it doens't work out with the nice guy, you can always find another. Being tied down to the jerk leaves you without options.

sounds like the relationship has completely run its course and ur both not pulling the plug for the sense of familiarity you have. pull the plug

well, i felt the same way about my ex and he was kind of abusive too and i also pushed aside. that wasn't a good idea.. lol i just recently broke up with him and currently with another guy that treats me better than him. same as you i dont feel any guilt even though im suppose to since i went out with him right away after my ex. he would tell me how much he cares and how much he misses me but i would feel bad for him at the moment but would totally forget about it right after i hang up on him. i been with him for 3 years and i dont feel anything anymore