Don't Know How to Pick Em

My boyfriend is such a jerk.  when i was visiting my mom out of town for xmas i let him use my atm card cuz he didn't have any money. well when i came back home he was still using my atm card without my knowledge.  we have been together for 15years.  this really hurts me.  he even used the card when i was with him but i was in the car so i didn't know it.  I only found out cuz i checked my bank balance. he won't help with the bills or share in any responsibility to pay them.  He is supposed to be giving me money each week and i pay the bills. He recently was laid off at work and only gets unemployment now so he isn't giving me anything towards the bills.  but he does pay his own bills like his cell phone. I really need help. he also is an alcoholic.  can anyone help me please.
mittens24 mittens24
46-50, F
18 Responses Jan 9, 2008

time to stop, you are his friend/partner not his mother!

yeh, I'm with Jamiex about cancelling that card. You should pack your bags (don't warn him, just go one day when he's not there) and leave HIM with the flat. And NEVER EVER go back!

Get out!

Did you take a stupid pill ? Your own words in your letter told all of us the problem, Now your problem is for you to stand up and be on your own with out a deadbeat. Kind of a nobrainer, Your paying for everything supports him in his bad habits and gives him the OK to keep on doing what he's been doing, Are you his Mommy ? Move his *** out and tell him to go live with his parents, or on the street, It's called tough LOVE, If he's got a brain he will view this as a wake up call and change, and if not , then you got rid of trouble. The choices we make today decide our life in the future.

He's a jerk u should be reminding him and telling him everyday to look for a job then when he finally does he should pay u back all the money he used on ur card without ur acknowledgment and talk to him about the drinking issue if he disagrees with all that u should leave his butt I'm sure u can do much better than that

What a thief! LOSER! I know it hurts to leave but this guy is no good! He doesn't respect your authority! You can get him on fraud because he's commiting it!

he is using you! can't pay bills but always has money for his habbit. drop this loser fast, either get out or get him out. I have been in the sitution with my baby daddy for sometime, only problem is I bought a house with the loser 2 years ago. now i pay for everything, do all baby care, and he smokes weed everyday! also collects undemployment but can't pay for anything with it but his weed. then he steals my credit card twice and racks up 10k worth of debt for me! I hate him and wish I could get the money but I never will.

he is the epitome of a loser and you should run far away from him because will never get better with people like can do better ..change for account and set him free so he can be someone else's problem

I can certainly relate to this. I am living with someone very similar to what this guy sounds like except we have a baby together. He hasn't worked in a year and a half and when he does get money he spends it on himself and doesn't contribute to supporting our three month old son. When I tell him formula for the baby is expensive, he says I shouldn't have stopped breastfeeding. Never mind the fact that I work 50 hours a week and have to take care of all the responsibilities. Now, I am just keeping him around as a babysitter so that I can save up some cash and leave his ***. My advice, before your situation gets any graver (such as mine, although I do love my son), leave his ***. Once an addict, always an addict, unless the person really wants to change. And it's a hard road to traverse. Do not let him use you anymore, because that is what addicts do, they use. They use people, they use alcohol, they use drugs, they are just users and not givers. Trust me.

You have got to move on! Get out while you can. What is keeping you with him? Are you dependent on him in some way? You should call the bank and close your checking account along with any others he knows about. Open another one -- dont give him the info. You deserve better than to be used! STOP tolerating it!<br />
<br />
Start working on an escape plan right away!

Dump this piece of ****.

I think you should cancel your card, and you need to have a serious chat with him. If he isn't reasonable, and don't want to pull his finger out of his arse and sort himself out, tell him to fxxx off.

Sweetheart,<br />
I am so sorry. Let me tell you I completely relate. It happened to me too, except his thievery also included fraud on three credit cards. He too is an addict. All I can say, is that by not reporting this you are essentially enabling his addiction to alcohol. I know this is so difficult but the best thing you can do is cut him off and let him figure out whether he wants to fight alcoholism or live active with it.

dump him, obviously

Find an Al-Anon meeting in your area...they will help.

Set boundaries. Start by showing him the door.

If you want him to stop using your ATM card, call the bank and ask for a new one. You could tell them what happened, or just make up a story if you don't feel like telling the bank worker about your personal life. He'll get a nice surprise the next time he goes to use it! :)

WAKE UP DEAR . THIS IS NO BOYFRIEND , THIS IS A PAIN IN THE *** . Get up and get yourself a new boy friend that you deserve , and who can treat you well