He Loves Me, I Love Him Not.
Yeah, so my boyfriend is loving, attentive, attractive, educated, kind, honest, moral. . .that would be why I moved in with him. Keep this in mind: prior to living with him we were together maybe two or three times a week.
Now, I hate him and this is why:
1) He is OCD. I thought it was a joke. Or, that he was just joking when he "joked" about it. No. It's true. He's an anal retentive phycho. Oh my! I left toast crumbs on the table. Please don't bite my head off.
2) His toilet habits are DISGUSTING!!! He goes through an entire roll of toilet paper in two days. How? I have no idea. He announces the event. Then, goes into the office where he searches and searches for reading material (because I drew the line at the laptop) then he goes in. Then he comes out half way through (how he does this I have no idea) to grab more toilet paper from the closet. Then he rushes back in slamming the door. He consistently backs up the toilet (probably from the toilet paper) and one day he really got me and I quote: "I'm sorry I took so long honey. I kept wiping and wiping and wiping and wiping and it just wasn't working (??????) So, I had to get in the shower." I'm never having sex with you again you disgusting pig. (sorry if I grossed out anyone else.)
3) While in the shower with me (sparing me nothing) he stands up on his tippy-tip-tippy toes, spreads his legs slightly while arching his back, grabs his left butt check with his left hand, the shower nozzle in his right and sprays the water directly into his *** while saying "just cleanin ye old nether-regions" NO! NO! NO! What is wrong with this man? Now, I know we women have some bodily functions that are not so pleasant. But, I keep them to myself, thank you. We're never going to be THAT close.
4) He has a million weird quirky habits. Like feathering his fingers up and down while searching for something from the cabinet. Everyone does this? Really? Do they do it over a dozen times in one "looksie"? Weirdo. Get this: he drinks everything from a straw (grow up), but while doing it, he puts his face nearly against the top of the glass while grabbing the straw between his thumb and forefinger, puts the straw into the corner of his mouth while turning his head completely sideways and sticking his other three fingers strait out like a homosexual frenchman. (my daughter jokes about this every time I see her and does the "Mike impression") He's so friggin WEIRD!!!
5) He snores. He chews with his mouth open. He takes HUGE bites, LOUDLY. He has a panic attack if you accidently touch his bellybutton. And I mean he yells. . .loudly. . .other people downstairs ask what happened.
6) Ah yes, the HyVee incident. My ten year old chucked a bag of something (I can't remember what but it wasn't a roll of quarters if you know what I mean) at his head and smacked him in the eye. He began screaming. No, I mean SCREAMING. People in the store were running over to us. Yes, I'm serious. I was around the corner and came running to find him on the floor, face in hand, wailing and screaming. My little girl was white as a sheet, tears streaming from her face. I said "my god, Mike, what happened !?" He got up and I was sure we were headed to the hospital. He finally removed his hands and guess what? THERE WAS NOTHING THERE!!!! A little red perhaps. Nope. Tearing perhaps. Nope. Not one. Then he starts litterally hopping up and down saying "I can still feel it! I can still feel it!" I nearly hit him and I am ordinarly quite a passifist. I thought he needed to be slapped. But, I refrained. All respect for him went right out the window and I will never forgive him for scaring my little girl like that. What a phycho-freak!
This is just the tip of the iceberg. So why am I here? I'm a 40-year-old full time student. To live on my own means to live in the ghetto or I would have to leave school to work full time. Giving up the education I've waiting so long for, my life dream. But, I will figure out a way to leave, I just have to figure out HOW????