He Loves Me, I Love Him Not.

Yeah, so my boyfriend is loving, attentive, attractive, educated, kind, honest, moral. . .that would be why I moved in with him.  Keep this in mind: prior to living with him we were together maybe two or three times a week.

Now, I hate him and this is why:

1) He is OCD. I thought it was a joke. Or, that he was just joking when he "joked" about it. No. It's true.  He's an anal retentive phycho.  Oh my!  I left toast crumbs on the table. Please don't bite my head off.

2) His toilet habits are DISGUSTING!!!  He goes through an entire roll of toilet paper in two days. How? I have no idea.  He announces the event.  Then, goes into the office where he searches and searches for reading material (because I drew the line at the laptop) then he goes in. Then he comes out half way through (how he does this I have no idea) to grab more toilet paper from the closet.  Then he rushes back in slamming the door.  He consistently backs up the toilet (probably from the toilet paper) and one day he really got me and I quote:  "I'm sorry I took so long honey. I kept wiping and wiping and wiping and wiping and it just wasn't working (??????) So, I had to get in the shower."  I'm never having sex with you again you disgusting pig. (sorry if I grossed out anyone else.)

3)  While in the shower with me (sparing me nothing) he stands up on his tippy-tip-tippy toes, spreads his legs slightly while arching his back, grabs his left butt check with his left hand, the shower nozzle in his right and sprays the water directly into his *** while saying "just cleanin ye old nether-regions"  NO!  NO!  NO!  What is wrong with this man?  Now, I know we women have some bodily functions that are not so pleasant.  But, I keep them to myself, thank you.  We're never going to be THAT close.

4)  He has a million weird quirky habits.  Like feathering his fingers up and down while searching for something from the cabinet.  Everyone does this?  Really?  Do they do it over a dozen times in one "looksie"?  Weirdo.  Get this:  he drinks everything from a straw (grow up), but while doing it, he puts his face nearly against the top of the glass while grabbing the straw between his thumb and forefinger, puts the straw into the corner of his mouth while turning his head completely sideways and sticking his other three fingers strait out like a homosexual frenchman. (my daughter jokes about this every time I see her and does the "Mike impression")  He's so friggin WEIRD!!!

5)  He snores.  He chews with his mouth open.  He takes HUGE bites, LOUDLY.  He has a panic attack if you accidently touch his bellybutton.  And I mean he yells. . .loudly. . .other people downstairs ask what happened.

6) Ah yes, the HyVee incident.  My ten year old chucked a bag of something (I can't remember what but it wasn't a roll of quarters if you know what I mean) at his head and smacked him in the eye.  He began screaming.  No, I mean SCREAMING. People in the store were running over to us.  Yes, I'm serious.  I was around the corner and came running to find him on the floor, face in hand, wailing and screaming.  My little girl was white as a sheet, tears streaming from her face.  I said "my god, Mike, what happened !?"  He got up and I was sure we were headed to the hospital. He finally removed his hands and guess what?  THERE WAS NOTHING THERE!!!!  A little red perhaps. Nope.  Tearing perhaps.  Nope. Not one.  Then he starts litterally hopping up and down saying "I can still feel it!  I can still feel it!"   I nearly hit him and I am ordinarly quite a passifist.  I thought he needed to be slapped.  But, I refrained.  All respect for him went right out the window and I will never forgive him for scaring my little girl like that.  What a phycho-freak!

This is just the tip of the iceberg.  So why am I here? I'm a 40-year-old full time student.  To live on my own means to live in the ghetto or I would have to leave school to work full time.  Giving up the education I've waiting so long for, my life dream.  But, I will figure out a way to leave, I just have to figure out HOW????



carpaydm carpaydm
51 Responses Mar 19, 2008

This had ne laughing hysterically and i completely understand where you are coming from. Hang in there

You're going to need to save up money. He sounds like s**t but i think you can stay strong and remain with him for a while. Is there no one that you can stay with? A friend, grandma? Parents? If you could find someone to stay with until you finish your education and get that dream job, then you could easily live there while working full time to get enough money to rent or buy a house/condo/apartment. Dont feel embarrassed about staying with a parent btw, plenty of students stay with them until they have enough to move out. Also, you have writing skills. No joke, if you wrote or sold short comedic stories, id read them. Nicely descriptive and full and energy. ;)

I apologize in advance but this had me in tears from laughing so hard. If this real and not a person trolling, try to accept his habits and love him for who he is, if not, leave him.

I literally laughed so hard reading this. You should be a writer.

This is gonna sound bad but **** it... use him, leave him and find a new guy. It is a tough enough world out there, tolerate the a*shole so you have a better place to live and money for school. Then get a nice job, save up, and leave him for another man. It's a dog eat dog world, you need to survive and throw your conscience out the window for your daughter. I disagree with the comments, you need to survive ... even if that means using a man for his money and home. Best of luck!

I just want to puke at how terrible of a person you are

I would have to disagree with everyone commenting here, I'm sorry but you're the problem, he needs to find someone better someone he can be himself around I mean shame on you you're 40 and you're acting like this, obviously the man is comfortable around you, sorry that the man likes jokin around with you sorry that he's just himself what do you want him to be? A robot programmed by you? To fulfill your every sociopathic need? Your going to create an emotionless bitter old man if this is how you are, I mean god woman you are a flat out ***** he needs someone better, no wonder you're a single mother this man needs someone better in his life than you sorry

Have to agree with the other comments - ditch this guy asap.

As far as his potty habits go, is he getting enough fiber? Does he eat beans at all? That would speed up the process while sitting on the toilet. Is he constipated or does he have diarrhea(sp)? Either way, it sounds like he needs to see a doctor or change his diet. Also, someone needs to tell him he only wipes after he is completely done relieving himself and everything is out. He shouldn't be forcing water up his nether-region either. It can cause problems such as stool to become watery or give bad bacteria an excellent place to fester.

As far as the screaming goes, he sounds to me like an overreacter. People who overreact either 1) are seeking attention or 2) don't know how to deal or cope with a situation, so they blow it out of proportion.

lol....thanks for that.

now run!

well for starting you might want to know for sure that you do not love him and so yo ucan not be there fir him for the rest of your life.
BTW this goes out for anyone who goes out with some issues with their ahem "beau-s"
When you know you can not be with him everything get simpler and simpler.You know how and when to break the news....


OMG did you date my ex? If it wasn't for the fact we live thousands of miles apart in different countries I would really think you were describing him.<br />
The thing here is, they were not fully functioning people ready and able to embark on a new journey with another adult as an equal. They were wound up tighter than a ducks arse and full of weird habits and rituals. <br />
To this day I have no idea how he can get through each day.<br />
Glad you and your little one are free from the madness!<br />
Good luck to you both, I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world :)

Start looking for scholarships, and move in with a good friend. Life is to short to deal with bad people.

Amazing, you must be one heck of a good woman to put up with that junk, plus your daughter has got to be a great kid, I have openings on my youth ba<x>seball team, we are always looking for good Pitchers, Just a thought ? HaHaHa!

this guy is a ******* legend hahaha

dear god....<br />
<br />
find someone you LOVE!

WOW! Speaking as someone who has been a semi similar situation, my advice is suck it up, get through it until you get your degree then say bye, For the "ladies" that refer to what you are doing as some sort of prostitution, I say HAHAHAHA. Listen ignorant b#@ches, we ALL have a price that we can be bought for, some of us simply realize sooner than others. For those of you that know your price, congrats. For those of you ignorant, naive individuals, your day will come and self realization will be a punch in the gut.

Woman like you and 3Dgirl, make me ashamed to be a female, and can understand why some men truely hate women.....As for 3Dgirl, get off your *** and do it for yourself. Carpaydm should grow bulls and move in with a friend etc, and leave the guy alone not humiliate him, behind his back...Seize the day and go.

WOW!!! One question, how have you not killed your self by now? He sounds awful. You've gone this long, so hopefully you don't have to much longer in school. So I say stay with him until you get out and get a job. It will all be worth it, trust me.

ummmm he sounds straight up gay!

ummmm he sounds straight up gay!

I hate my boyfriend too.<br />
Half of the things that are on there he does.<br />
Except for the fact my boyfriend likes to tell me every hairy detail of his past sex life.<br />
And likes to involve me with his exes, meaning he hangs out with them, and has them at his house to sleepover.<br />
Yeah, i dont know why i put up with bullshit either.

I feel sorry for you women. Is this how you guys feel better about yourselves? Lol how pathetic. Blah blah blah just another forum filled with trollers on PMS hating on men. Give me a break, I cant believe such a forum even exists lol its really sad. Please go find something better to do, the world doesn't revolve around your "my bf is ruining my life" stories.

what a bi$*#& you are. he told you he was OCD. maybe you should have looked it up but then again you area 40 yr old college student so I supposed research isn't your forte. I hope it's a PhD or your 6th undergrad. I have no words, what a total selfish, uncaring, unloving, cold bit&$ch. then you come on the net, slam him for a mental condition that you were aware of and stay for money and selfish gain?? what goes around comes around hun. 40 yr old college student single mom with little ability to care, actually care for someone else...you are quite the catch.

Sorry but this made me smile...<br />
<br />
the shower nozzle in his right and sprays the water directly into his *** while saying "just cleanin ye old nether-regions"

I know this is an old old post but.. Congrats on leaving that guy who I think should finally have an anal bleach if he's that paranoid about teepee wiping in the toilet. That's all I can say. He's a big baby who needs an anal bleach. I hope you found someone better by now.

I dont think I have laughed that hard in months. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and we moved in together about 4 months ago. And he is the same way....except, its not the cookie crumbs he is OCD about, its my freakin flip flops....God forbid if they arent in my closet, even if I just took them off and plan on putting them right back on when i stand up! The farting and fanning it at me, the burping in my face, the poop announcements....WTF! He flips out, I mean wont even talk to me if I accidently toot. At leaset I try to hold it in when hes around. Its gotten to the point where I despise him. Hes obnoxiously DISGUSTING! And not to mention, its always his way or the highway...His favorite thing to say is "Put **** in one hand, and want in the other and see which one fills up faster" Is that effed up or what? I mean I buy him crap all the time. Stuff he doesnt need like the shoes he wanted for like months...expensive. A 450 dollar propane grill! And he treats me like Im one of his work buddys. gross. Hell im about to take that damn grill and move to my own place. LOL

ahaha sounds like a child!!

Every man you ever date will be gross and hard to live with. You are obviously a nit-picky estrogen-filled nag without a friend (other than the internet) to listen to your whining. If you have a child you should make more informed decisions about your living situation and not be dependent on a man for any of your needs. You are the definition of a damsel in distress waiting for the right man to save her. SICK.You are 40 and I would say, very lucky that he even talks to you. It is a fact that men age gracefully and I can only imagine how saggy your breasts are.

Um the pooping parts and the focus on his anus make me wonder if he wasn´t having some kind of problem after anal sex with a guy... makes sense doesn´t it? I don´t know but the toilet paper thing is reallllly weird.

Um the pooping parts and the focus on his anus make me wonder if he wasn´t having some kind of problem after anal sex with a guy... makes sense doesn´t it? I don´t know but the toilet paper thing is reallllly weird.

Um the pooping parts and the focus on his anus make me wonder if he wasn´t having some kind of problem after anal sex with a guy... makes sense doesn´t it? I don´t know but the toilet paper thing is reallllly weird.

Why are you still with him???

damn, i think i just realized i don't hate my boyfriend...

Wow. This should make me feel a little better knowing that there are worst boyfriends out there, but I still hate mine.

Wow. This should make me feel a little better knowing that there are worst boyfriends out there, but I still hate mine.

Wow. This should make me feel a little better knowing that there are worst boyfriends out there, but I still hate mine.

Hahaha that was pretty funny! you are a very good writer! <br />
I'm very sorry, but you clearly MUST leave him. <br />
That scene in the store was especially pathetic/hilarious/terrible! Oh God.<br />
Anyway, you could find a lovely, small apartment, even in a nice neighborhood, for $750/month... which you could probably manage working part time as a student. If not, do you have a friend or family member with whom you could live for a while? <br />
If you do not already have loans for school, it might be time to get some loans for school and pay for an apartment.<br />
GOOD LUCK! wishing you the best :)

Boy oh boy. This is my first time on this site. I was going to vent on my irritation since living with my boyfriend. But I've got nothing on you, honey. I too, wonder how the toilet paper and paper towels disappear to but I'm pretty sure it's not what you describe. It's just your garden-variety wastefulness. So glad you dumped him. The new condo sounds like heaven. Good luck.

It sounds like he has a whole lote of stupid ****** habbitts. He sounds like an annoying p-o-s, but is he a decent human being?

OMG OMG OMG OMG. Okay. I am very sorry about this situation but listen, I can tell you how you can get out of it really quick --- you are a gifted humor writer. I have not laughed this much in I don't know, quite possibly weeks! This guy needs to be made into a fcking character and you need to write a script and ship it off to Hollywood. HILARIOUS!

So let me get this straight:<br><br><br><br><br />
You KNEW about his problem, moved in with him<br><br />
anyway,<br><br />
and then, hated him for it?<br><br><br><br><br />
<br><br><br><br><br />
Oh wait... let's not forget that you stayed with him for the cash.<br><br><br><br><br />
<br><br><br><br><br />
He has a DISORDER, you stupid, horrible *****.<br><br><br><br><br />
Which, as I've already mentioned, HE HAD TOLD YOU ABOUT BEFORE YOU MOVED IN WITH HIM.<br><br />
<br><br><br><br><br />
You're so ******* immature and ignorant.<br><br><br><br><br />
At 40 years of age, too.<br><br><br />
Talk about pathetic.<br><br><br />
Way to set an example for your daughter.<br><br><br><br />
<br><br><br><br />
Oh yea and one more thing, genius:<br><br />
LEARN HOW TO SPELL.<br><br><br><br />
<br><br />

omfg.. you gotta be shittin me.. there's no way a grown *** man acts like that.. wth? you didnt notice his ways before you moved in with him? you need to run like hell from this guy lol. Damn, I thought I was ****** up

Hey Lady! I have no idea what the others here are talking about. What a cutely written account! :) I'm sure we all go through some of this at some point in time or the other.. I really like the way you have articulated yourself! Hope life is treating you better now and I'm glad you had the guts to move out!!

Okay, the people on this website are awesome! Thanks for all the comments. <br />
<br />
Prostitution? Wow. A little extreme. I was in love with this man at one time it grew cold over time. Perhaps intention should be considered here. It was never my intention to use this person as evidenced by the fact that we seperated eight weeks after this story was written.<br />
<br />
I'm still in school and I didn't have to go back to my crappy night job! Me and my little girl have a small condo and we close this May 1st! I'm busy deciding what to do with my $8000 tax credit. :)<br />
<br />
Yippee! Freedom!<br />
<br />
BTW: He calls me every now and again to say hello. There were no bad feelings. . .and the supply of toilet paper in my new condo remains constant. LOL.

He just needs help.

You can't really call it prostitution given that he has no idea that he is being used. It's more like meeting a guy who likes you, sleeping with him and then stealing his wallet.

Ummm.....it is prostitution...you don't even like him yet you are staying with him for the money? What else would you call it?

Oh dear..your poor child!! I am soo sorry<br />
I understand women like you and i respect you alot for continueing your education...just think of it like this...<br />
this man is the most annoying person in the world..ur doing him a favour for staying with him...and hes kinda doing u a favour ..so its equal...dnt get me wrong, this isnt prostitution...a modern day relationship thts going nowere...one u secure ur degree and ur job then leave if ur still unhappy

all i can say is wow. I have no advice for you. Im sorry, I dont mean to feel bad, but what a weirdo. (although im sure you already know this!)


Two words.<br />
Leave him.