He Makes Me Miserable

I work full time, in a city that is 30 minutes away from where I live so I commute about an hour each day, sometimes more. My job does not pay very well so for the past 2 years I have been working at home an additional 4-6 hours a day after work making money from my own Internet business. I work about 12-14 hour days, with an hour of commuting thrown in there.

My boyfreind of nearly five years, whom I live with decided to quit his job 2 years ago. He had a high paying tech sales job, but quit because he thought he could make more money online. He had quite a bit of money saved up when he quit, but I urged against it. I told him to build his online business on the side (as I have been doing) so that he can quit once it has taken off. He wouldn't listen to me and quit anyway. He spent the first month or two doing nothing other than playing video games. Of course I was extremely annoyed at this and confronted him. He said he wanted a short break from work because he had been working full time since he was 15 (he was 27 at the time). Fast forward two years and he is STILL playing video games all day long and makes no money whatsoever (aside from a few bucks made in the auction house of his video game - dont' even get me started on that). He says he does his online work all day, but I find that impossible to believe. How is it that I can work 4-6 hours a day online after work and make money, but he can't make any money when he has the entire day to work?

He does nothing around the house to help me out. No cleaning, dishes, laundry, or cooking. Nothing. I come home to a smelly, dirty house every day. When I ask him to help me clean he replies that he takes care of his stuff and the rest is my mess. Apparently he isn't the one who pees on the toilet seat, or takes showers, or uses the sink or for that matter even walks on the floors! We must have some kind of crazy ghost!

I admit that I am pretty messy. Not so much dirt or filth, but clutter. I do have a lot of my business stuff strewn about and I am pretty bad about putting clothes away after I have washed them. However, I would never ask or expect him to clean that up. But doing the dishes, taking out the trash, laundry (towels, bedding, etc), helping with the backyard, how is that too much to ask? He is home ALL day long.

His response when we argue over him getting a job is always that he pays his half of the bills, so what does it matter? This just kills me! I am dead tired everyday and I feel like I am being lazy because most of the time I don't want to cook, or clean and sometimes after work I feel too lazy/tired to do my online work. I stay up working until about 2 or 3 in the morning everyday, wake up at 6:30 for work. When I get home from work I crash for a few more hours and then wake up to do more work and maybe watch an hour of TV to try and unwind (which I feel guilty about BTW). I nearly fall asleep on my drive home every day and fear that one day I just might do it and crash into the center divider or something.

We have been living together for over 4 years, together for almost 5 and are basically living married lifestyle. I thought marriages were supposed to be a partnership? Regardless of the fact that he pays "his half" of the bills, I do 95% of the work in the relationship. What if we have kids? I can't work 24 hours a day. It makes me sick just thinking about it. It is so discouraging to work so hard and see your "other half" doing nothing. He has even had the audacity to say my job (the one I leave the house for) is ****** and that I am stupid for even working there. I know its not the best, but it is what I have and all I can get at the moment. Its not like I don't work extra hard to supplement my income and make up for the low pay (12.50/hr).

I am so tired that I want to cry. I just want to have a normal work schedule and come home to a real partner. Someone who loves me enough to help me out around the house and doesn't act like I am a money grubbing ***** when I ask them to get a job. I deserve that, don't I? I hate my boyfriend.

silvertongue87 silvertongue87 22-25, F 1 Response Jun 30, 2012

Your Response


Wow. He sure is taking advantage of the situation. When my boyfriend and I both worked we completed chores together and at times alone. It is a great feeling to have fun doing chores together and it sucks that your boyfriend volunteered you to do all the work. Have you tried asking him nicely to do something or ask him to complete it with you as a team. I realized through the years that when I tell/demand my boyfriend to do something he will hesitate and when I ask nicely he does it with me and at times it is fun. You are not wrong in this situation, it is him who needs to stop thinking about himself. He needs to get a job and start helping you with the chores. He can either start with the chores or get a job then later combine both. If he makes you feel like the bad guy for telling him to get a job then he can leave because if this continues it could be the same behavior one or two years from now.