I Love Him And I Hate Him

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. We have been living together for about three months now.

I was very much in love with him since day one. Because of this, I used to keep silent about things that he did and bothered me; other flirty girls around him, his behavior, etc

However, recently I began to feel frustrated, angry and bitter every time I remember about something he said in the past or did in the past.(he used to say that 'What can I do if I feel attracted to other girls, its not voluntary, it just happens; I like to admire them when I am working;' etc)
Because we have discussed marriage(he has) I am starting to decide if he is long term material after all or not.

When I confronted him about the above mentioned he said that now we are more in love and that those were just silly things he said without thinking. He does tell me every single day that he loves me.

However, he still -at least once a week- says something that completely shocks me( recently, when discussing if we should buy a carpet-not something expensive is it- he questioned my idea because he said that if we break up, he doesn't want to be left with a carpet that he doesn't need or to know he spend money without a good reason, only because I wanted to) .

I know he cares about me. He wanted us to move in, he proposed, he tells me that he loves me. But although he is caring, I simply cannot have a week without him destroying my trust in this relationship. Is this his first thought??really? That we bought a 50pound carpet(25-25 each) and what if he wont need it? And how can he destroy my trust by telling me he looks at other women(we works during nights, as a bartender).

I feel frustrated, I feel like hating him. He made me fall in love with him and now he changes and reveals himself to me more and more.
And still, in the same time, I can say I love him.


dan7dan dan7dan
1 Response Sep 25, 2012

Listen, if you gonna stay with him, you will not be happy.