I Don't Know What To Do Anymore...

Hi everyone,

I've been with my boyfriend for a little bit over 5 years. I'm 18 now and we were middle school/high school sweethearts. He started out being really nice and charming (best sweet-talker ever) and gradually become a controlling/abusive boyfriend. I was so young though, and never knew any better. Even as of now, I haven't experienced anything different so I don't know what it is like to be with a guy who treats me like right.

Our relationship is like a roller-coaster. Sometimes it will be good, then it will suddenly drop into the pits of hell. I do all the cleaning and cooking (we live together for college) and he plays videogames all day. He's not even enrolled full time at the school while I am. He never helps out and complains that I don't know how to do my job. I just got interviewed for a part-time job and I believe I'll be getting it. He's angry because he says I can't even do my first job right, so why even bother taking on another one.

I feel angry all the time. I want to move out or kick him out, but living together cuts a lot of costs and makes things easier for me financially.

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't imagine marrying him in the future and spending the rest of my life like this.
cicilove cicilove
2 Responses Dec 11, 2012

I'm in the same situation. Move out, find other roomates. That is what I'm planning on doing in the next 2 weeks. My bf is lazy unemployed POS too. Good Luck.

Hey Cicilove,

I'm so sorry to hear you're in this situation. It's good though that you recognise this relationship isn't healthy- some people never do and go so far as to protect and justify their abuser's behaviour.

What are your options for getting away from living from him? I assume, given your age, you are renting and don't own the property. If you're joint tenants, it may be difficult to oust him out the house as I'm not sure you will have the legal right (No idea about the laws in your country/place, but here tenants can't just remove other tenants for reasons not relating to the house). However, if you are lead tenant, perhaps you may be able to get rid of him. If he is playing videogames all day whilst you work, what is his source of income/ways to pay the rent? If you are covering his rent, STOP IMMEDIATELY and make sure the landlord/lady knows it is him that is not keeping up his share of the cost, not you. If you are on equal footing in terms of meeting your rental agreement (you're both paying 1/2) and he is abusive and controlling, you will probably having a hard time to convince him to leave.
Perhaps you could move out? Find room mates/house mates in a shared accommodation? That's how most people do it here (I'm in the UK). Your costs will be kept much lower if you live with other people, and whilst you never know who you're going to live with, you may end up making some nice new friends!

You absolutely need to get away from this horrible person who is making you do 100% of the work (both domestically and financially) and is putting you down for it. He is a leech and does not love you in a healthy, respectful way that you deserve. He may not even love you at all, but only sees you as a source of income.

Take care of yourself and all the best.