Is It Time To Go?

I hate him. I'm laying here listening to him snore and the only feeling I have is hate. We have been together 15 years and he is still my boyfriend. We have no kids and everything is in his name ie; house, boat, cars, rrsps and investments. I have cleaned our/his house for 15 years cooked all meals done all laundry, decorated, renovated, organized and socialized our entire life together. He demands my time and my devotion without returning any of it. He has never cooked a meal never taken care of me it's all about him and his needs. I hate him. We do not have sex either. The only thing keeping me here is I consider this my home. I don't own much ... A truck some clothes and furniture is about all I truly own even tho during the 15 years I have also invested money. On paper I own nothing. But I put so much effort into this home. This big empty nest. I'm afraid to leave ! Also I don't need to work outside the home for the first time in my life (started working at 15 years old) so that also keeps me stuck here. He is sucking the life out of me and I feel so scared to leave I try to change myself in order to adapt and feel some sort of happiness. I quit drinking ,I go to the gym I see a counselor I go to woman's groups I take signing lessons I also have a part time job and volunteer. Still he tells me I do nothing and that I contribute nothing and that he does not value my contributions. "If something happened to you nothing would change ... If something happened to me the walls would crumble" his words. I am so frustrated I often feel like I could literally explode. PS I am 41 and hot. I would like children one day or at least to be someone's Mrs. !!!! My fear is that i see a lot of ppl struggling out there. I have no money troubles in here....the thought of budgeting or having to watch my spending scares me but im so miserable with him. Please help what do I do ????
Lolitalou Lolitalou
41-45, F
1 Response Jan 15, 2013

I know how you feel. I live with my mom. For all my life my father who had rage/alcohol problems would tell her she was worthless, contributed nothing, etc. And to top it off he would explode and break everything he could reach about twice a month. But he paid the bills and he told her over and over that she couldn't survive without him.
We moved out.We struggle to pay the bills every monthe. But we never cringe when a car pulls up in the driveway because "he's home". And no matter how much the job sucks we can relax at home. Can you relax in your home? If yes stay. If no, then you should leave.
You might have to let go of a lot of nonessentials, singing, gym, therapy. But with a part time job and some government programs you could break out and live on your own. It will not be easy, but you will have peace in your heart. FYI, my father went to AA after we left and four years later we all have a better relationship. sometimes distance is needed to see how important people are.

Struggling to pay the bills every month is stressful, but not having peace of mind is, for me, deadly. It's great to have someone to care for you, but knowing you can care for yourself is even better.

You're letting money hold you to all this angst? You should have so much more than this. With all the things you mentioned you do on your free time you will have great references and guides to find a great job. Break free! Get out!