Just want to vent because communicating w/ him is a non-factor. If I shut my damn mouth and am perfect, everything is okay. Can I make mistakes – not without stern punishment. So many years, so much hurt and crap. You're so mean and nasty and put everyone over me. You snap and yell at me all the time - wow how that lowers my confidence. It’s been five yrs yet the idea of marrying me makes you laugh- no I deserve that, I'm just that lousy of a person lol. It used to be a nice distant dream for me, now it seems like a prison sentence so don’t flatter yourself. I am lucky enough to be gorgeous, yet all you do is look in the mirror and compliment yourself..."damn I’m one sexy guy" - yuck! No compliments, adoration or reassurance for me - though you know I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse... I’m so sensitive and can be very fragile… so yeah all the yelling and putting me down really affects me there. And when I speak up and don't immediately forgive, then I’m a crazy ***** and you'll storm off leaving me to rot alone while you go party with your friends all night. I was a straight A student, always ambitious, and now at the cusp of a phenomenal career in Finance. I looked aside your immature and irresponsible ways for years because I loved and believed in you. You dropped me like a flaming sack of **** any time I wasn't perfect enough. I let you do this.. I put up with it. And now I suffer as you are seemingly conditioned to treating me this way. Is prob my own fault right? Like others I just want to walk away, but I’m not strong enough and I want to kick myself for that. I hate you. You've stomped on me for so long. Oh and at the very least you could give a true effort in trying to seduce me - as you would any other woman whom you desire. Nope but not me, I get "let me see your ******" - said in the most unappealing jokish kid voice that is the opposite of arousing – I cringe just thinking about that. What women would say okay? Me! Me who can no confidence and lets you do whatever you want. I am at fault here, I truly am. I’ve put up with this all along. I cook, I clean, I think about your needs and have thought in terms of you or we for as long as I can recall. I'm starting to see it’s just you. All about you. I hate you. Please God help me leave
crapperella crapperella
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 20, 2014

I sure hope He helps you leave. Pray for strength, so you can be happy. He's just tearing you down! & you do not deserve it. You shouldn't waste anymore years on him. 5 are enough.