I don't have parents..I just have an aunt and grandma who live in a disgusting mess filled house and smoke all the time. I am 38 weeks pregnant and I have regretted it every day because I was getting ready to leave him with my toddler once I got the tax return. I had a good job that I had to quit once I found out that I am pregnant again. The sad part is we never had sex because I can;t stand him...I put out ONCE to get him to quit being an angry douche bag all of the time..and bam here I am pregnant. I struggle so hard with anger and depression over this baby. I would had been able to go back to work. now I can't and I am stuck and misserable. He is explosive and we fight daily he has no respect for me and has beat me in the past. He calls me a ***** so many time s aday to me I am now just used to it .
I have caught him attempting to cheat a few times, even with men. I am completely disgusted by the man that he is. He isn't even a good father. The worse part is he knows I want to leave and can't. I could NEVER afford these kids on my own ,we are already on food stamps and WIC. I have absolutely no help with the kids and can't afford childcare and my state offers little to no assistance. Idk what to do sometimes I feel suicidal. I stay alive for my kids. I try to look forward to the future but the only way I can see things getting better is when I am actually able to get a GOOD job again and someone will still have to help me. I am afraid this is all my life has become.I have no friends because of hima nd I am used to that, what I can;t stand is not having peace becaus eof the fighting. I just want to be alone so badly so I can get my life back and be happy again. But it seems like I might never have that agian. I am already 28 and have little time of my youth left.
dollhex dollhex
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 28, 2014

Don't feel like you have no one. That's a tough situation. I was in an abusive relationship before but I got a restraining order. Maybe there is an old friend you could reach out to, and move in with? Maybe there is a local shelter you can escape to. It doesn't matter if with him you can feed the children if he's going to hurt them anyway by beating you and calling you names. I say take a leap of faith and trust that you can get your life back. It's scary with kids there too, but when I left my ex fiance I left in the middle of the night and moved to another city with no money. I am so happy I gave myself a chance to begin again.

I feel similarly. I have a behavioral history and struggle with my emotions. He constantly calls me a psychotic ***** and telling all his friends every single time I have a break down or we fight. He does and says things that he KNOWS will trigger my PTSD or set off a behavioral episode just to makeme unsrabble. I love him but im getting so close to that thin line between love and hate. I honestly think I hate him more often than I love him at this point. I would leave him but I am 33 weeks pregnant with his baby and I have an autistic 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. I know I can not do this without his help which brings up another issues. I resent him so much for getting me pregnant and making it hard to be without him. Again, I know I love him, but love is not enough to keep me going thru his ****. Sadly I dont have a choose, he won't change because he is just a natural born ******* and I won't leave because I can't do this alone. Im so sorry you're going thru this but know that you're definitely not alone.

I am so sorry to hear that! I know how you must feel, it's hopelessness. You may have emotions and hormones but you are not the nasty thinsg he says and I am sure he does enjoy pushing your buttons because then he thinks he has a reason for everyone to pitty him...he runs and tells his friends pff that is no business of thiers. He should grow up, I giuess we both know our men won't change. People only change when they know they are wrong. You are right love is not enough. The only thing I can think of is to try as little time as possible with them and not rely on them for support. as bad as that sounds...

We can't do it alone your right. People don;t see how hard it is when you are stuck with a man. It hapens and its real. If you ever want to talk I am here at least we can vent together and understand.

Is he addicted to any substances? Marijuana by any chance?

He used to smoke it we both did. We quit because we could not afford it anymore and have other thinsg we need instead. Why? truthfully he was much easier to be around when he was high.

Oh and we both been quit like 2 years now.