Unloved and Unappreciated
Well, i have been with my boyfriend for well over a year now. Although we usually get on really well and we love each other alot, theres somethings that my boyfriend has done in the past that will always stick with me.Although i always try and trust that my boyfriend loves me he makes it very hard to belive sometimes. You see he seems to have the most awful habbit of putting me down. A most recent example of this is my singing. Iv always enjoyed singing and recently iv been trying to persue my dreams and sing in a band or with someone(who plays guitar).My boyfriend himself plays guitar and has been split up from his band for a couple of months now, he infact is looking to do some of his own singing and guitar work. Iv been suggesting to him that we do something together as i can sing and he plays guitar (how perfect is that?) BUT NO NO he is farrr too good for me.
Another factor that gives me reason to belive he no longer loves me is his lack of attention, lets just say im jelous of his cats because they get more attention than me Infact his bloody shower does, and he deffinately doesnt pay that much attention.
I'd understand if he simply just didnt want to have a girl singing or something like tthat, its the fact he takes it personally out on my singing. I know im not charlotte church but i can infact sing, and iv been in a variety of activities involving singing and people have infact told me i can sing. When i show my boyfriend my voice he simply ignores me, or says "oh its quite good" with some stupid look on his face. (maybe its just jelousy)
Iv recently been finding old love letters from his first girlfriend. Letters from both him and her. I wander to myself why does he still keep these? he clearly still loves her, and seeing as he lost his verginity to her i can understand why. First love and all. However to add injury he tells me stories about him and her having sex outside in public up walls ect.. asiff it isn't bad enough that you have all new experiances with her. But to actually tell me of them makes me feel im alone in the whole new world of relationships for me. After all this is my first serious relationship and i infact lost it to him.
Worst of alll though was this one month...it was horrible. Thinking about it now brings me to tears. This was back at his house, we decided to invite his friend and his girlfriend over for the night. It was all fun and laughs till he got to drunk and flirty with his friends girlfriend. Me and his male friend was obviously getting annoyed and insecure(as you woul) so his friend went upto bed in a stress. I however moaned at my boyfriend and then went to bed. My boyfriend stayed down stares with the girl. After about 3 hours i started to get upset and conserned why he hadn't come upstares to see if i was okay, so i went down stares only to find him and the girl cuddled up under a blanket watching a film. Neither of them took notice as i walked in and sat on the sofa opposite. After around 10 minutes it all go too upsetting so i went upstairs to bed again. i lay awake thinking of what had happend, what to do? was it cheating? was he just being friendly?
Being the naive and forgiving **** i am, i text my boyfriend apologising to him! 30mins later he came upstairs and we had sex. we lay there, asthough we was about to go to sleep. He sat up and said 'im just going to quickly tidy up downstairs.'
I waited up for him untill i couldn;t any longer. I fell asleep.... it was morning
I went downstairs and the girl was down there, we had breakfast and she began telling me about how my boyfriend stayed downstairs with her showing of on his guitar for her and bassically trying to get into her pants.
Asif this story wasnt enough to make me doubt, it was another night out with his friends. We ended up all going to his mates house(the same one as in the last story) it was fun at first, playing drinking games, having a laugh you know like you do. It was untill the next day i got a phone call from is friends girlfriend(yes the same girlfriend) apologising for cuddling up to my boyfriend. The girl sounded really sorry, and was having an argument with her boyfriend for her actions. This just goes to show how i cant even fall asleep without my boyfriend going behind my back and doing stupid things like this.
I think this was when things started gettingtough between us, i started getting insecure as i just could trust him anymore. We ended up having a massive argument and i wasnt allowed out.
To ensure that i was suffering at home he made sure that he abused all of my friends ganging up on them with his dub-*** dol friend and the band. if that wasn't immature enough he then went and stayed the night at that girls house, he told me about how they stayed up together all night.