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Daddy's Spoiled Brat

I started dating my boyfriend 5 years ago. When we first got together we introduced our kids to each other right off the bat. His daughter was 6 at the time and my son was 3. My son's father left the picture when he was 2 years old. My boyfriends daughter has her mother in her life but i was told when we first met she wasn't around much and he had her pretty much full time. So I welcomed the little girl into me and my son's life with open arms. My son was so happy to have around. At the time we had her 5 days out of the week and I started to notice how spoiled she was. She didnt have to eat if she didnt want to. She got candy whenever she wanted. Stayed up till whatever time she wanted. She would tattle on my son for things she would set him up to do most of the time. He would never discipline her even when she would lie he would believe her. So her stay went from 5 days a week in my home to 3 days eventually turning into just the weekends.  When the daughter would come over on the weekends she wanted her dad all to herself. She would always say rude things to me. Tell me how she likes her moms clothes much better then mine. She never wanted to play with my son. She would come over with two cupcakes for her and her dad. She would be rude to my mother and everybody else in my family. She would make up lies about my son all the time, and it didnt matter bc my boyfriend would believe her and scream at me in front of her. Anytime she was in the wrong for doing something Id tell her to never do it again and my bf would defend her and flip out  on me. For instance she was jumping on my couch after i just yelled at my son for doing it and her dad stepped in and saved her. So she learned from a very early age how to treat me. From 7 to 9 she spent alot more time with her mom bc my bf and i were fighting about her alot and i kinda didnt want her around much anymore. Me my boyfriend and my son would be fine all week until she would come on the weekends and then all hell would break lose. His daughter would come over and tell me things taht she wasnt "supposed" to tell me about her dad almost as if i would get upset and leave him and she would win. She is always in competition with my son to get her dads attention when her dad loves her more then anything and were all aware of it my kid could care less about who my bf loves he knows that isnt his dad. This girl is so spoiled always asking for things behind my back trying to make him feel guilty bc my son has nice stuff. I tried to make her realize that when shes here with us we will get her things but when shes with her mom, her mom can buy those things. She'll still ask her dad behind my back. Anything new me or my son gets she comes over and asks her dad for say a phone case cus i got a new one. I cant stand her. I dont know what to do. The kid is getting older she is 11 yrs old now and she still doesnt like me. She always tries to put me down and tell me how she doesnt like what im wearing or my makeup or what im listning to on the radio. Funny thing i found out she likes the rapper Drake who I love so i made her some cds and i played them in the car and she just doesnt care. Im trying to get on this kids level and im afraid its too late. Alls ive ever try to do was blend a family together for all of us to feel loved. And she refuses it and just wants her dad. Her dad is finally after all these years bonding more with my son and sticking up for him and putting his daughter in her place and it still doesnt make a difference.. Any advice??????
HisForever223 HisForever223 22-25 3 Responses May 24, 2012

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I'm engaged to this guy with a 4 year old and she is a spoiled nightmare. But he doesn't discipline her. No one in his family does. If they try to they just turn around and give her what ever she wants. She used to like me but not anymore because I told her no and meant it. I honestly don't feel its my place to discipline her because she's not mine. Her mom gets her every other weekend. But other than that she's got everyone wrapped around her finger. And she gets jealous when her dad is hugging me and tells him "I thought you loved me daddy" what do you say to something like that. She's a nightmare and in super nervous about becoming her stepmom

I have the EXACT same issue with my partners daughter. She is 2 (3 in Jan) and we see her at weekends. My son is 6 and lives with us full time. His daughter is a crybaby, needy, manipulative and demands his attention whenever she is around. She will cry at the smallest thing, such as being asked to pick her shoes up, being asked to move out of the way, being told no - but Dad will instantly jump in and give her cuddles. A classic example Dad: Can we change your nappy please" daughter "no" dad: "come on or you bum will get sore" daughter: "no" and starts to cry, then because she has started to cry she will instantly ask for a cuddle which is given, then we go through the scenario again until she agrees to have her bum changed. (For me, a 2 year old is NOT CAPABLE of making decisions, so instead of asking her to have her bum changed, pick her up and TELL her she is having her bum changed) I have told him how much the crybaby demanding behavior is upsetting me, but he says that he CANT do anything about it as he only has her 2 days a week and he wants those 2 days to be enjoyable, not him telling her off every 2 minutes so that next time she is due to visit she wont want to come. (Again, you wouldn't let a 2 year old make that kind of decision would you?) She is very manipulative, uses crying as a way to get what she wants. I feel very sorry for my son, not only is he pushed out of a weekend because she demands so much of dads time, but he sees his daughter getting away with things that he is not allowed to get away with, my partner is so much firmer with my son than he is is with his daughter (because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings). Whenever I mention this to my partner, he says that my son is 6 and his daughter is 2 and they need to be treated differently because of their ages, and when his daughter is 6 he will treat her in exactly the same way (he doesn't do sod all about her behavior now so what the difference going to be when shes 6!)............ I don't understand this bad behavior is bad behavior and needs to be nipped in the bum as soon as possible. I have to deal with this every weekend and its driving me nuts! She comes to visit in MY HOME TOO, so I should have a say in how she behaves and is disciplines in MY HOME. My partner and I have very different parenting techniques, and because my partner is "above average in IQ" he believes that EVERYTHING that comes out of his mouth is RIGHT and everyone that disagrees with him is wrong, therefore MY discipline techniques are for a 6 year old and his 2 year old daughter wouldn't understand (I have a naughty chair that my son uses when he is misbehaving) but to me a naughty chair can be used for all ages (my son started using it when he was 18 months old, for tantrums ect) I am sick and tired of having to put up with this kind of behavior but am unable to do anything about it as my partner sees it as me being mean to her. Her mother is a good mom, his daughter is well fed and always nicely dressed, however mom mollycoddles her ALL THE TIME!! Whatever she wants she gets - All I am asking for is for dad to speak to mom about the behavior and come to a mutual agreement on how to deal with it - BUT I HONESTLY think that they both want to keep her as a baby for as long as possible........ I know its only going to get worse as mom is pregnant with her second child and the daughter is going to feel very pushed out when he arrives as she is so used to having mommy all to herself, this is going to make her behavior when she visits us worse and then MOM with have the cheek to say its my son teaching her bad behavior!......... my partner has told me he wants s child with me - but i don't honestly see how thats going to work when I dont think he is parenting/teaching his daughter properly now! I know that there would be friction when he will want to do things his way and I will want to do things my way and I will end up asking him to leave ............... I dont want to be left with another broken relationshipThe last time i brought this subject up he threatened to leave me and my son (which is awful as he is the only father figure my son has had, he hasn't seen his own since he was 18 months old).... and that feels like hes using my son as leverage .......... children work SOOOOO well with routine and regular dicipline............... whatever her parents are doing with her IS NOT WORKING IN MY HOUSE so change it please!..... Im glad to know that to know that other people go through things similar to this! :) x

I have the same problem but his daughter is 7 now and we have a 6 month old of our own who gets completely ignored at weekends unless his daughter wants to hold her or play with her he says he'd like to take our daughter swimming and stuff but only if she wants her to go my problem is when she is spiteful or sly he doesn't believe she is like that and completely trust her with my baby and I don't iv seen how she looks at her and heard her telling her dad she wishes it was just them 2 I'm worried if she's left alone she will really hurt her but he just doesn't agree iv already caught her trying to dig a toy into her cheek its really stressing me out as I'm on edge all weekend and never put my baby down because I think she's just waiting for her chance iv left her to go to the toilet before and she ran into our room when I came back she was crouched over her not talking just staring it was really creepy I'm terrified because I'm pregnant again obviously I will have to go hospital and leave my baby overnight iv asked for a home birth so I don't have to leave her but they told me that might not be possible and I have no one I trust to take care of her except her dad but he trust her what will happen to my baby!!